Big life decision to make

[OrangeOak]

In March I am going to live on this farm for 7 months. It's in a beautiful location. It's 100% organic. The people there are earthy, mindful, hippy types. I have lived there before, but only as a volunteer. This time I am going as a trainee to become a facilitator on their programs. Once I am trained I can earn a living doing this. 

This is what they're about: "At the heart of our approach is an immersive residential experience involving the development of relationships with the land, with work and with ourselves." It's a wholistic form of alternative education:  https://www.onthehill.camp

In going here, I am hoping to make real, deep friendships and take another step towards my life purpose.

Another reason I'm going is to heal. I know someone there, who operates in plant medicine circles, and she provided me with a San Pedro experience I'll never forget. She's done hundreds of ceremonies, and I'm hoping to have the opportunity to take part and see if I can heal through this modality. 

It's not just the psychedelics though, it's the people. And I'm a people person, so being around the right people is essential for my emotional growth. 

But I am conflicted. At the moment I live in a lovely city, and I am close to my family. I have my own place for the first time in my life, and I have a job working in a school. On the farm I will be living in a caravan. I know a few people here, but I wouldn't say I have any close friendships. Being near family is good because it's comforting and I get a lot of support, but it's bad because I get a lot of toxicity/conflict from certain family members. 

Meeting girls and working on my game is another thing I want to continue working on this year, and that may be harder if I'm living on the farm. Maybe. The nearest big city is only a half-hour drive away, though. 

Just for context, I have been living here for 11 months since getting back from New Zealand, and I've given it a very good shot. I got rid of my smartphone. I've approached at least 50 people. Lots of cold showers. I started a new job and did very well. I did a 2 month no-fap streak. I quit coffee and smoking. I've repaired certain relationships in my family. I've eaten well, I've got a good water filter. I've been to many yoga classes. I've reconnected with old friends. I've made new friends (not satisfying friendships though). 

There are some commitments I made which I haven't followed through on: Talking to 5 strangers a day. Going out working on my game 3 days a week. I would like to have done more socializing, but my intuition says I need to heal bit first in order to create the relationships I'm looking for. And I don't know if I can heal in the city. 

 

Writing this has helped me make up my mind, but please share any thoughts!

 

Being in the city pros:

-Easier to meet girls

-Easy to attend events, classes 

-Easier to meet people

-Hometown, familiarity

-Being around family

-Having my own place

-Childhood friends live here

 

Being in the city cons:

-Harder to find the people I resonate with 

-Being around family

-I have to travel to be in nature

-Rat-race vibes, busy anxious energy

-Rent is extortionate

-My job pays badly, and I don't like it that much.