Going out alone in college/ finding wingmen

[Miguel1]

20 hours ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

I fundamentally disagree. If it was that easy, sixty percent of young men wouldn’t be hard stuck singles. Consider the sheer power of the male sex drive; you know things are really bad when that many of us are giving up on dating despite being so gaht dang horny.

Part of the issue is social media and smart phones are sucking peoples souls out through their eyeballs leaving us with robotic, unfriendly versions of the vibrant, free spirited human beings they’re meant to be. 

Social skills itself is not the problem.

The problem is the HUGE PILES AND LAYERS of self-defeating idealogies and beliefs + the endless approval and validation seeking and the caring of what people think of them. Aka, inner game.

If you fix this, most of your problems will be gone when socializing.

When I socialize, I am not doing anything fancy. For real, it’s like I am talking to my 10 year old sister. It’s a joke.

My social success is mostly all just how grounded and positive my energy is.

I am talking from experience on both ends.

[Emotionalmosquito]

2 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

and the caring of what people think of them.

For some of us, not caring what people think can be counterproductive. When I don’t give a single fuck what people think, some people think the authenticity is awesome and wanna be around it, but the majority who don’t start bitching to authority figures about me bothering people and it actually causes problems. 

Could it be said that it’s important to not care what people think of you but only within certain guidelines? Like you can’t just run around saying filthy sexual stuff to everyone, but if we truly didn’t care at all what others think of us, a lot of us would be doing just that.

[Emotionalmosquito]

3 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

it’s like I am talking to my 10 year old sister. It’s a joke.

I have 10 and 12 year old nieces that I am good friends with. When I approach a normal woman of whom I wish I could sleep with, she cannot and will not vibe with me on the same level as the nieces because she’s a completely different person, is smarter, is not a family member and doesn’t even know me. That’s why the outer game is equally important, because it shows you the technicalities of the right and wrong ways of interacting with new women.

Also speaking from experience. Sometimes when I approach someone with that energy of we’re already best friends and we’ve known each other forever, they’ll get the most disturbed, weirded out look on their face leaving me no other option but to either walk away or the situation escalates negatively. Or they’ll pretend to be receptive and cool with it because they think I’m some unhinged psycho who will lash out if they make me feel unwelcome.

[Miguel1]

11 hours ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

For some of us, not caring what people think can be counterproductive. When I don’t give a single fuck what people think, some people think the authenticity is awesome and wanna be around it, but the majority who don’t start bitching to authority figures about me bothering people and it actually causes problems. 

Could it be said that it’s important to not care what people think of you but only within certain guidelines? Like you can’t just run around saying filthy sexual stuff to everyone, but if we truly didn’t care at all what others think of us, a lot of us would be doing just that.

Of course social calibration is key.

Not caring about what people think of you simply means here that you are not afraid of rejections. You are proactive. You approach people.

But don’t be an idiot.

[SeaMonster]

On 12/27/2023 at 8:54 PM, Noahsteelers34 said:

I have a decent social circle but that doesn’t get me the results I want. I think you are missing the point here. It’s not to get laid, it’s because I want to go out and be social and have fun. I don’t understand what’s so crazy about that. 

You're right -- I am missing the point, because what you wrote here is contradictory. Is it "results" or is it "be social and have fun"?

 

[Noahsteelers34]

@SeaMonster it’s not about just getting girls. It’s about massively improving my confidence around women, and my social skills, aswell as gaining a lot of experience. 

put it this way, there are thousands of gorgeous women on this campus that I will never meet if I don’t make an effort. That just seems like a golden opportunity wasted. 

Edited December 30, 2023 by Noahsteelers34

[Wisebaxter]

On 28/12/2023 at 5:22 AM, Emotionalmosquito said:

Are you AI generating these?

@Emotionalmosquito Yes that's right  Lot's of fun to be had with that. 

Edited December 31, 2023 by Wisebaxter

[Wisebaxter]

@Noahsteelers34

On 30/12/2023 at 5:25 AM, Noahsteelers34 said:

@SeaMonster it’s not about just getting girls. It’s about massively improving my confidence around women, and my social skills, aswell as gaining a lot of experience. 

put it this way, there are thousands of gorgeous women on this campus that I will never meet if I don’t make an effort. That just seems like a golden opportunity wasted. 

Can you play the guitar or sing at all? If not might be worth learning some basic chords and practicing. You could be the musician walking around campus with a guitar on this shoulder. The guitar will shape your identity as a cool, aloof type, or a tortured soul they have to win over so you can show your sensitive side. Women go wild for musicians. Learn to freestyle on the guitar so you can sing them funny songs about themselves and make them laugh. I did this with a girl once who played guitar too and it worked a charm. You might need something to set you apart like that. Arrange an open mic night in the student union and have it be like that scene from back to the future. Or just wow them with an easy cover and they'll think you're a genius. If you're out hunting poon, they'll sniff you out. You have a cool look about you as well. Some good style. You already look like a musician so maybe you are. Cultivate a cool hobby and play a strategic game, don't be like the other dudes trying the direct approach. Softly softly catchy monkey 

Edited December 31, 2023 by Wisebaxter

[Tboy]

On 29/12/2023 at 1:50 AM, Miguel1 said:

Social skills itself is not the problem.

The problem is the HUGE PILES AND LAYERS of self-defeating idealogies and beliefs + the endless approval and validation seeking and the caring of what people think of them. Aka, inner game.

If you fix this, most of your problems will be gone when socializing.

When I socialize, I am not doing anything fancy. For real, it’s like I am talking to my 10 year old sister. It’s a joke.

My social success is mostly all just how grounded and positive my energy is.

I am talking from experience on both ends.

yeah I agree with this, I think you need to be both practicing facing fear and putting yourself out there as well as working on your trauma/limiting beliefs etc. though

[Noahsteelers34]

@Wisebaxter imagine learning a whole instrument just to pick up girl hahaha. This just seems like one massive way to avoid actually facing tension. “Wait I got to learn to play the guitar and then I can go out and talk to girls”. Carrying around a guitar would make me a weirdo unless I’m like a professional I have tried learning guitar before, and it is a huge investment of time. 

Edited December 31, 2023 by Noahsteelers34

[Miguel1]

On 29/12/2023 at 6:57 AM, Emotionalmosquito said:

I have 10 and 12 year old nieces that I am good friends with. When I approach a normal woman of whom I wish I could sleep with, she cannot and will not vibe with me on the same level as the nieces because she’s a completely different person, is smarter, is not a family member and doesn’t even know me. That’s why the outer game is equally important, because it shows you the technicalities of the right and wrong ways of interacting with new women.

Also speaking from experience. Sometimes when I approach someone with that energy of we’re already best friends and we’ve known each other forever, they’ll get the most disturbed, weirded out look on their face leaving me no other option but to either walk away or the situation escalates negatively. Or they’ll pretend to be receptive and cool with it because they think I’m some unhinged psycho who will lash out if they make me feel unwelcome.

You are overthinking it.

The point is not to put the girl on a pedestal, and instead, treat the conversation ligthly. Crack jokes, self-amuse and have a positive vibe around them. Nothing serious and heavy. There is no need to prove and qualify yourself.

Edited December 31, 2023 by Miguel1

[SeaMonster]

4 hours ago, Noahsteelers34 said:

imagine learning a whole instrument just to pick up girl hahaha. This just seems like one massive way to avoid actually facing tension.

Imagine doing cold approach just to meet women.  This seems like one massive way to avoid self-improvement, actually making friends and networking.

Imagine thinking most gorgeous women are actually worth your time just by virtue of their being gorgeous.

Not pickup doctrine/brainwashing at all.

Edited December 31, 2023 by SeaMonster

[SeaMonster]

10 hours ago, Tboy said:

yeah I agree with this, I think you need to be both practicing facing fear and putting yourself out there as well as working on your trauma/limiting beliefs etc. though

"Practicing facing fear" is a bullshit cope from the pickup community.  Talking to a hot girl isn't some monumental accomplishment.  

The difference between talking to a hot girl and finding a hot girl worth talking to, then actually becoming romantically involved with her is huge.  

This thread is full of guys with low self-esteem, parroting 20 year old Mystery propaganda even if they don't realize it.  Mystery had terrible self-esteem.  His one way of assuaging it was to "Get 10s" (he couldn't keep them, but he got them.)  

Think about it -- an integral part of Mystery Method is FAKE SCREENING.  It's a tactic, not genuine screening of a girl to see if you want to be with her.  It is assumed if she is hot you want to be with her.

The problem with the pickup community is that it always paid lip service to Inner Game, but was never actually serious about it.  Too difficult, and most guys don't want to make difficult changes in their lives.

Edited December 31, 2023 by SeaMonster

[Miguel1]

13 hours ago, SeaMonster said:

Imagine doing cold approach just to meet women.  This seems like one massive way to avoid self-improvement, actually making friends and networking.

Imagine thinking most gorgeous women are actually worth your time just by virtue of their being gorgeous.

Not pickup doctrine/brainwashing at all.

Imagine not having the balls to cold approach women and thus, having to make yourself feel better by rationalizing that the best way (cold approach) to build a strong, grounded and masculine character is ”avoiding the growth”.

Seriously, I would be extremely ashamed of such escapism and rationalizations. This is so fucking weak. Pure weakness. Wake the fuck up.

”Imagine thinking most gorgeous women are actually worth your time just by virtue of their being gorgeous.”

You are fucking running away from growth like a wimp here bro.

Edited January 1 by Miguel1

[Miguel1]

52 minutes ago, SeaMonster said:

"Practicing facing fear" is a bullshit cope from the pickup community.  Talking to a hot girl isn't some monumental accomplishment.  

The difference between talking to a hot girl and finding a hot girl worth talking to, then actually becoming romantically involved with her is huge.  

This thread is full of guys with low self-esteem, parroting 20 year old Mystery propaganda even if they don't realize it.  Mystery had terrible self-esteem.  His one way of assuaging it was to "Get 10s" (he couldn't keep them, but he got them.)  

Think about it -- an integral part of Mystery Method is FAKE SCREENING.  It's a tactic, not genuine screening of a girl to see if you want to be with her.  It is assumed if she is hot you want to be with her.

The problem with the pickup community is that it always paid lip service to Inner Game, but was never actually serious about it.  Too difficult, and most guys don't want to make difficult changes in their lives.

Oh my fucking God.

[SeaMonster]

On 12/31/2023 at 6:30 PM, Miguel1 said:

Oh my fucking God.

You're shocked because you are absurdly brainwashed and think talking to a hot woman is some kind of accomplishment.

Like I've never done that before.  You are literally clueless, bro.

[Wisebaxter]

@Noahsteelers34 Tried visualisations for what you want or see happening? Play it out in your mind first and create plans for different scenarios you see playing out. You can even create some nervousness or awkwardness. 

[Yimpa]

@Miguel1 You give great advice from personal experience and all the work you’ve done. I’d just recommend treating your “bros” on a level playing field like you do with women. You can use the social skills you’ve learned from pickup to expand and improve how you relate to other people as well.

Visualize communicating to your younger, less developed self. How would you approach talking to him?

[Miguel1]

9 hours ago, Yimpa said:

@Miguel1 You give great advice from personal experience and all the work you’ve done. I’d just recommend treating your “bros” on a level playing field like you do with women. You can use the social skills you’ve learned from pickup to expand and improve how you relate to other people as well.

Visualize communicating to your younger, less developed self. How would you approach talking to him?

What comment are you referring to?

If you are referring to the comments I made to SeaMonster… Are you kidding me?

I would go even harder than that to my younger self. Much harder.

[Yimpa]

3 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

I would go even harder than that to my younger self. Much harder.

Interesting, wasn’t expecting this response! I imagine our younger experiences must have been very different. I was raised in a very strict environment, but later on discovered that I need to be much gentler and kinder to myself. Maybe the opposite is true for you.