Going out alone in college/ finding wingmen

[Noahsteelers34]

I recently turned 21, and I live on a large college campus with 45,000 undergrads. I do not have any friends who are down to learn game with me. When I do go out with my friends I almost never approach because they never do it themselves and just want me to hang with them. My main option is to go out alone, and to this point, most of my approaches have been solo (during the day). If I wait for a wingman I will take zero action and continue to procrastinate.

The main thing that holds me back is I don't want to look like a weirdo for being out by myself.  It's hard to admit that I have a crippling fear of what people think about me on this campus, and this is where the majority of my growth lies. I am afraid of being seen as a weirdo. At the same time, I have a strong desire to learn game and approach girls and I've been struggling to find a way to do that on my college campus. I only have 3 semesters left so ide rather leave nothing on the table even if that means I develop a reputation. I also want to start approaching more girls during the day, but I just am so afraid of what people will think.

If you had advice, should I start going to downtown clubs alone and start socializing? What do I say if people ask me who I am with, and how do I overcome the fear of people thinking it's weird to go out and talk to strangers by yourself? are there any good ways to find wingmen in college? 

 

[Cocolove]

You can approach when you're out with your friends bro. The point of going out is to socialize, all you're doing is being social and extroverted and meeting people. Maybe you ditch your friends if it goes well, but otherwise you go back and find them. 

Are they not supportive of you doing it even if they don't want to themselves? 

 

I go out with groups of mostly female friends and just have a good time. if there's a girl nearby i approach. Immediate social proof and quick & easy hook point. My friends think its cool because they wanna see me win and if i come across as creepy to others they know i was just not socially calibrated.  And I just fucking started, I am not good.

[Emotionalmosquito]

16 minutes ago, Cocolove said:

My friends think its cool because they wanna see me win and if i come across as creepy to others they know i was just not socially calibrated.  And I just fucking started, I am not good.

My problem is how unforgiving people are about someone acting uncalibrated. If some girl gets a weird vibe from your social sloppiness, that’s very difficult to recover from because she tells others and suddenly everyone thinks they need to avoid you at all cost. When you make mistakes (which you’ll be making a whole bunch of as an inexperienced approacher) how do you mitigate the damage to your reputation?

Edited December 23, 2023 by Emotionalmosquito

[Noahsteelers34]

@Emotionalmosquito @Cocolove the first thing is my friends only go out about once every 2-3 weeks so not often enough for me to learn. Second is I will have to explain myself to them, which is fine, but knowing my friends they will want me to be hanging around them most of the time.  I am also afraid what they will think of me, If they see me approaching, especially if I am having awkward interactions 
 

 

 

 

 

[Cocolove]

Sounds like you need to go out alone and make a fool of yourself. Don't make excuses that prevent you from learning.

Also could do some daygame or just plain socializing to get socially calibrated.

It's pretty inevitable to make a fool of yourself, find a place where it doesn't matter.

[Noahsteelers34]

@Cocolove yeah I definitely agree. From my experience it’s always 100x worse in my head, and I will make up any and every excuse to not approach. 

[Cocolove]

Its like an ice bath. I recommend doing both, haha sometimes I can't tell if its harder to approach or to do an ice bath. But you will get over it and get used to and enjoy how the difficulty makes you grow.

[Leo Gura]

On 12/22/2023 at 8:41 PM, Noahsteelers34 said:

If you had advice, should I start going to downtown clubs alone and start socializing?

Yes. For sure. You can make friends there.

Quote

What do I say if people ask me who I am with

Almost no one asks this.

You can say:

1) I was meeting some friends here.

2) My friends are around. [point hand far in random direction]

3) I'm rolling solo tonight.

Quote

and how do I overcome the fear of people thinking it's weird to go out and talk to strangers by yourself?

No one cares. Everyone goes out to socialize on the weekends.

Quote

are there any good ways to find wingmen in college?

Online pickup forums. You gotta really search around. It varies by city.

Edited December 24, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Emotionalmosquito]

11 hours ago, Cocolove said:

Sounds like you need to go out alone and make a fool of yourself.

I wish you would’ve told me that. I’m already the undisputed, world class champion at making a fool of myself. It comes so naturally I do it by default without even trying 

5 hours ago, Cocolove said:

Its like an ice bath. I recommend doing both, haha sometimes I can't tell if its harder to approach or to do an ice bath. But you will get over it and get used to and enjoy how the difficulty makes you grow.

The answer is approach. It’s absolutely harder to approach than to ice bathe. Harder to approach successfully that is.

Ice baths do help you grow, but only towards getting better at taking ice baths. In my experience it does next to nothing at all for approach anxiety or making it easier to overcome other life challenges. All it is is an amazing and healthy temporary high and nothing more

[Wisebaxter]

I say chill, look confident and let them come to you.

 

[Noahsteelers34]

9 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Online pickup forums. You gotta really search around. It varies by city.

I highly doubt there is a pick-up forum for State College, since it's a college town in the middle of nowhere. 

 

7 hours ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

 The answer is approach. It’s absolutely harder to approach than to ice bathe. Harder to approach successfully that is.

I've taken many ice baths, and it definitely doesn't cure approach anxiety that's for sure. It does train your "just do it muscle", and reduces the resistance. In my experience, it's physical tension, whereas approaching is emotional tension so they are completely different.

4 hours ago, Wisebaxter said:

I say chill, look confident and let them come to you.

Knowing me, if I'm not in constant action I will get super awkward and shut down sitting there by myself if no one is talking to me. Im also not a big drinker so I would literally just be sitting there staring at the wall.

[Tboy]

I would say, don't be hard on yourself, start by talking to the easiest people you can. Don't judge how the interaction goes, just try and have a good time. Then once you've chilled with them for a bit, go get a soft drink from the bar and talk to someone else there, you can go back to your original friends if that doesn't work. The point is to build momentum from those first couple of easy interactions, try and smile and have a good time, get out of your head, and stop judging yourself if you are.

 

You can figure this out, what do you want out of life?

[Wisebaxter]

Quote

Knowing me, if I'm not in constant action I will get super awkward and shut down sitting there by myself if no one is talking to me. Im also not a big drinker so I would literally just be sitting there staring at the wall.

@Noahsteelers34 If this advice doesn't resonate, I get it, but just to say you can drink something non alcoholic and if there's uncomfortableness doing this then that could be a good practice for you. It might be hard to feel confident approaching anyone if you already struggle with this. But feel free to call bullshit as you know you better than I do 

[Leo Gura]

10 hours ago, Noahsteelers34 said:

I highly doubt there is a pick-up forum for State College, since it's a college town in the middle of nowhere. 

Yeah, that's a problem.

Still, on a big college campus there should be dudes who are interested in game. Not sure how you find them. You can also just look for naturals who go out a lot.

Edited December 25, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Noahsteelers34]

3 hours ago, Tboy said:

I would say, don't be hard on yourself, start by talking to the easiest people you can. Don't judge how the interaction goes, just try and have a good time. Then once you've chilled with them for a bit, go get a soft drink from the bar and talk to someone else there, you can go back to your original friends if that doesn't work. The point is to build momentum from those first couple of easy interactions, try and smile and have a good time, get

Yeah I think this is good advice. I usually get the best results when I babystep my way into it. For example, I will tell myself I am going to drive there and say hi to one person. Before I know it I'm in a conversation with someone.

3 hours ago, Wisebaxter said:

@Noahsteelers34 If this advice doesn't resonate, I get it, but just to say you can drink something non alcoholic and if there's uncomfortableness doing this then that could be a good practice for you. It might be hard to feel confident approaching anyone if you already struggle with this. But feel free to call bullshit as you know you better than I do 

I think it may be a good exercise for me to do to get over my fear of being there alone, but not a strategy that I would rely on to improve my social skills

 

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Yeah, that's a problem.

Still, on a big college campus there should be dudes who are interested in game. Not sure how you find them. You can also just look for naturals who go out a lot.

My soon-to-be roommate is interested in game. The problem is a lot of these guys don't conceptualize it the same way, and don't treat is as serious as I do. Its not like he watches videos online, and goes out with the purpose of approaching. He goes out, gets drunk, and says hi to some girls every now and then

How would I even bring this up to him? Just say "Hey I'm trying to get better with girls so I'm going out every friday/saturday, with the goal of talking to 25 new women per night, as well as meeting a bunch of new people. If you would be interested in doing this with me I think it would be a lot of fun".

Its very rare I feel for someone to make an actual deliberate, intelligent effort to improve this area. Most guys I've met will talk to a girl here and there, but don't go out with that intention in mind.

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, Noahsteelers34 said:

How would I even bring this up to him? Just say "Hey I'm trying to get better with girls so I'm going out every friday/saturday, with the goal of talking to 25 new women per night, as well as meeting a bunch of new people. If you would be interested in doing this with me I think it would be a lot of fun".

Just tell him:

Stop fucking around. I'm going to hit on girls every weekend. You are coming with me. If you come you must approach at least 15 girls/night.

Edited December 25, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Princess Arabia]

21 hours ago, Wisebaxter said:

I say chill, look confident and let them come to you.

 

If I went to a bar and saw this guy like this I would think he was either gay, waiting for somebody, trying to hit on the bartender or just got divorced and feeling depressed. 

[Wisebaxter]

@Princess Arabia Fair enough lol. I created that image using AI. Sounds like you'd be intrigued though...what's his story?  

Oh how about this guy? 

Edited December 25, 2023 by Wisebaxter

[mmKay]

40 minutes ago, Wisebaxter said:

@Princess Arabia Fair enough lol. I created that image using AI. Sounds like you'd be intrigued though...what's his story?  

Oh how about this guy? 

Why is he drinking a shot with a straw?

[Wisebaxter]

9 minutes ago, mmKay said:

Why is he drinking a shot with a straw?

@mmKay I'm not certain as he's a man of mystery, but it could be for a couple of reasons. Firstly, he might want you to ask him that question so he can tell you an amusing anecdote to make you laugh and lower your defences, or secondly, he might be trying to communicate his attentive, feminine side, or in other words trying to say  'I eat the pussy.' 

For some reason the AI image generator just randomly put that in there 

Edited December 25, 2023 by Wisebaxter