Perfectionism Is Wrong And Cruel

[Shawn Philips]

I'm a perfectionist and the part that makes me suffer the most is being angry whith others.

It makes me furious observing that i give my 100% to do everything the best I can and others dont even care, they settle for the bare minimum and mediocrity.

Also lack of respects, when neighbours are rude and noisy, when people dont respect when you are talking and dont wait you to finish...

Definitely OCD and perfectionism and overthinking goes in the same pack, obsessive people tend to overthink and try to be perfect with everything under control.

Edited December 30, 2023 by Shawn Philips

[Yimpa]

The problem with perfectionism is you truly believe that there is only one, absolutely correct way to do something. Psychedelics or altered states of consciousness open your mind to immensely expanded possibilities.

[gettoefl]

[ladyneptune]

Perfectionism is like a drug, it's impossible to sustain, so it becomes a high you constantly chase but never reach. I definitely suffer from this affliction.

When I do push myself I fall into the trap of feeling pride and an ugly superiority - I feel resentful because I perceive other people to be lazy I don't understand why they can't just do things "properly", it spirals into anger and control, I get fixated on things and can't let go blah blah blah. It's madness and I don't actually feel very happy at all, "perfect" things never stay that way, so I end up constantly fussing and working to maintain everything to this unreasonable standard. It's actually so tiring and unfulfilling. 

I discovered some years ago that my 80% is most people's 100% and if I give my full 100%, no one notices that 20% difference, so I'm working to capacity for nothing. 

So now I just practice 80%. Do less.

Sometimes I fall off the wagon, the clue is physical tension; sore hands, back, neck and shoulders.

I believe this kind of behaviour comes from childhood, a feeling of never being good enough creates the obsession with being perfect and "good"/"clean" which is thought to stem from an insecure attachment disorder.

[jimwell]

On 12/30/2023 at 1:40 AM, sholomar said:

It's okay to strive for things for yourself as part of your growth process to climb Maslow's Hierarchy of needs, as long as you don't equate that with thinking everyone else should have to or forced to be like you, like vegans tend to do when they turn their diet into a religion.

I see your point, but veganism also has its merits. You just can't dismiss it.

 

On 12/30/2023 at 1:40 AM, sholomar said:

My father is guilty of this with his obsession over diet and order in general. He finds some new truth he then latches onto and thinks is right and then wants to spread it around to everyone else. I mean, I get it, but after a point  you have to let people find their own truth. Plus, how does he even know his truth is the right one? I'm constantly self checking my own BS but that's a hard skill to learn.

Yes, it's important to see truth and act accordingly. Any progress which doesn't align with truth, goodness, or sanity is negative progress.

 

On 12/30/2023 at 1:40 AM, sholomar said:

Nevermind there's no reason whatsoever to wash your hands when touching something someone else touched. I would call this obsessive compulsive disorder.

You can label it as OCD. But there's a rationale behind my behavior. When I touch a public doorknob, I envision contamination with human shit. I don't want to get contaminated with human shit. I want to stay clean. You have no idea how dirty a human hand (and human soul) is.

Human shit = germs, oil, dirty particles, urine, feces, pretentiousness, deception, greed, closed-mindedness, malice, ignorance, twistedness, etc.

 

On 12/30/2023 at 1:40 AM, sholomar said:

You should unlearn these habits by being a slob on purpose and find a balance for yourself. Healthy personal development  "it's okay if it happens, it's okay if it doesn't."

That would be as dirty as a typical human, which is unacceptable to me. But I can try to be more embracing of literal and metaphorical dirt. Much easier than done.  But must be done.

 

On 12/30/2023 at 1:50 AM, Yimpa said:

Perfectionism is basically the need for control and for things to go a specific way. However, this assumes that you were ever in control of how things unfold to begin with. Notice how much more openness there is when you relinquish control or even a controller controlling control.

I see your point, but it's also swinging the pendulum to the other side. I do have some control, and I want to exercise it.

[jimwell]

On 12/30/2023 at 2:40 AM, Princess Arabia said:

One way to not let that happen is to not claim ownership of a condition that has affected it and it will slowly dissolve into the sea from which it came. What we focus on magnifies because of the light that is being shun unto it because your true nature is Awareness.

That's not accurate.

 

On 12/30/2023 at 2:40 AM, Princess Arabia said:

That's as far as I'll go with this as I'm not even sure you'll resonate with what i'm saying, since you seem to very materialistic in your thinking and don't understand the mental vibe of your essence. 

 You're full of assumptions. You just can't believe anything you read on this forum or hear from spiritual teachers. Think for yourself and verify it via experience.

But I appreciate the effort you put into your long reply. I read every word of it.  

[Princess Arabia]

1 hour ago, jimwell said:

That's not accurate.

 

 You're full of assumptions. You just can't believe anything you read on this forum or hear from spiritual teachers. Think for yourself and verify it via experience.

But I appreciate the effort you put into your long reply. I read every word of it.  

Why are you assuming that. Did you ask me if I've experienced what I'm speaking of. You're doing the same thing you're accusing me of. You have the belief that you can't believe anything you read on this forum or hear from spiritual teachers and you're assuming I'm doing the same thing. You're the one posting a specific problem you're dealing with here then turn around saying you can't believe ANYTHING you read on this forum. That doesn't even make sense as far as your saying that in accordance with your actions.

Good luck with your perfectionism and I hope that energetic pattern finds itself a new home. Thanks for acknowledging my efforts.

 

 

 

 

Edited January 1 by Princess Arabia

[Yimpa]

There is no one right / wrong way to do something. 

[Ajay0]

On 12/22/2023 at 1:57 AM, jimwell said:

I have been struggling with perfectionism for many years. Despite the great, mind-boggling accomplishments I've gained from self-development or internal work, one of the very few things I've never accomplished is overcoming perfectionism. For example, I wash my hands every time I touch an object which belongs to others. If I'm in a situation where I'm forced to keep that object, such as receiving a physical gift from somebody, I ensure I clean the object first before keeping it. When I arrive home from work or leisure, I ensure to take a shower before going to bed and clean all the things I brought, such as my bag, smartphone, and wallet. I do this 100% of the time, regardless of how sleepy or tired I am. If I don't do it, I feel dirty and anxious. I love cleanliness too much; it has resulted in OCD.

I also apply the same principle to other domains in life. I push myself too hard to ensure I accomplish or demonstrate 100% understanding, bravery, morality, masculinity, etc. If it's 98%, I feel guilty, anxious, or depressed. It must be 100% for me to feel fulfilled and peaceful.

This love for perfectionism has been giving me extreme, needless suffering. I've been enduring the unendurable for too many years; I'm exhausted as fuck.

You might find this article on perfectionism by enlightened sage  Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, useful in developing a proper perspective.

 

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/drop-feverishness-perfection-keep-enthusiasm-ravi-shankar

 

Quote

 

It’s not possible for all things to be perfect all the time. Even the best, the greatest of actions performed with the noblest of intentions can have imperfections. The tendency of the mind to hold on to the imperfection makes our feelings and minds imperfect and negative. Wisdom lies in getting out of these cycles and staying untouched and strong from within.

The only way ahead is to do the right action and accept people and situations as they are. The moment you accept a situation or a person, the mind becomes calm and you get a clear space to think and act rather than react. Acceptance means creating room for imperfection just like we keep space for garbage in our homes.

This secret formula of acceptance shouldn’t be mistaken for advocating passivity. It’s all about taking proactive action with a calm state of mind, about the ability to think through and act instead of acting out of frustration. The finest balance in activity is possible only when the right action is taken without a disturbed state of mind.  ~ Sri Sri Ravi Shankar