I have an issue that doesn't seem very common

[not-a-faerie]

I've talked to different therapists and friends have been talky to as well. But it all seems like they don't really understand what I'm going through, maybe because I can't really talk about it fully without them asking me the same damn questions. 

The core issue, bluntly, is that I don't have any desire to live. that's where people get obsessed with the "do you have motivation? plans?" questions.

I haven't been a danger to myself in over two years of course, so that's not the problem really - the problem is the complete lack of motivation and the complete lack of caring to work on myself, work in a job, exercise, meditate, anything. I used to be happy with these things before 2018 but ever since 2018 autumn, I've just lost all interest in the machinations of taking care of my life. 

 

I'd really appreciate any kind of advice. What I've heard so far is "get active, go outside" and "do affirmations, or maybe meditate or mindfulness" and there was dbt skill building and cbt as well, and meds which make my emotions good and have basically erased my suicidal ideations. none of these things will work for me though. Because I don't have a reason to care about my life. I can take time to be conscious and relaxed but it doesn't feel like something worth experiencing. I have things I do want to work on, but the thing is they're all things goaled at entertaining me, and not developing an actual appetite for life. Because I lack that appetite for life all these things seem pointless and uninteresting. 

 

I'd really like some advice on finding something that makes life worth livingsomething external. Unfortunately, developing your standard life purpose wouldn't work. I don't need a purpose, I need a reason. something like, having a family, except that's not a healthy solution to my situation, I need to not be dependant on a relationship unfortunately. As I understand it, most life purpose work is a "selfish" pursuit and not external from myself. If only game dev wasn't an oversatuated field, because if I felt like I could produce solo dev games that sell that would work, but because there's so much competition I just don't see it as a possible future. 

Someone did suggest volunteering, I guess. That's worth a try. 

 

so I'd like any advice that I haven't mentioned here. Something external to me, my pleasure and peace and selfish desires. It doesn't have to be a purpose, but I can't imagine what it could be. 

something to feel connected to even when sad or old or sick or alone.

My therapist is on vacation until the second week of January... 

Edited December 21, 2023 by not-a-faerie

[Salvijus]

7 hours ago, not-a-faerie said:

complete lack of caring to work on myself, work in a job, exercise, meditate, anything.

Maybe it's because you're overstimulated with video games and TV. 

In truth, everyone has a passion for something deep inside that is unique to them. But you won't be able to hear what that passion is if you're overstimulated with addictions. One needs to become very quiet. And set aside some time aside away from of the world. Away from all distractions and stimulation. And in that place of quite peace you stand a chance to hear a deeper calling. A calling that was planted in your heart since the day you were born. God's calling. Your true authentic calling and passion. Your true purpose so to speak. Everyone has it. It's just a question of becoming aware of it. Setting the right conditions would help discovering what that calling is. 

Edited December 21, 2023 by Salvijus

[not-a-faerie]

3 hours ago, Salvijus said:

Maybe it's because you're overstimulated with video games and TV. 

In truth, everyone has a passion for something deep inside that is unique to them. But you won't be able to hear what that passion is if you're overstimulated with addictions. One needs to become very quiet. And set aside some time aside away from of the world. Away from all distractions and stimulation. And in that place of quite peace you stand a chance to hear a deeper calling. A calling that was planted in your heart since the day you were born. God's calling. Your true authentic calling and passion. Your true purpose so to speak. Everyone has it. It's just a question of becoming aware of it. Setting the right conditions would help discovering what that calling is. 

thanks. I guess I do spend time alone though, but it is trying to nap, and sometimes I don't nap I just lay in bed relaxed with wandering thoughts. It used to be so hard to do last year, but I'm in a better place now that my wandering thoughts aren't triggering my negative emotions. I wish I was more motivated to go on walks around the block. 

[Salvijus]

4 minutes ago, not-a-faerie said:

I wish I was more motivated to go on walks around the block. 

Go to a supermarket via unnecessary long/roundabout route

[Devin]

My first thought is to stop focusing on the future, " appetite for life, motivation", that's all bullshit, motivation does not come from focusing on something in the future.

Is there anything you would enjoy right now this very moment? Yoga? Watching the sky? Eating enchiladas or an orange? Taking a walk, kicking the soccer ball at the park, a nice tea,.... If so, you're just burnt out from life, you need to take some time for yourself and do those things you want to do right now and quit beating yourself up for not having motivation, depression deep-restin, that will then snowball into "appetite for life, goals".

Edited December 21, 2023 by Devin

[not-a-faerie]

3 hours ago, Devin said:

My first thought is to stop focusing on the future, " appetite for life, motivation", that's all bullshit, motivation does not come from focusing on something in the future.

Is there anything you would enjoy right now this very moment? Yoga? Watching the sky? Eating enchiladas or an orange? Taking a walk, kicking the soccer ball at the park, a nice tea,.... If so, you're just burnt out from life, you need to take some time for yourself and do those things you want to do right now and quit beating yourself up for not having motivation, depression deep-restin, that will then snowball into "appetite for life, goals".

Right now I just want to nap. I can't subsist by napping all day every day. Maybe you're right about the future. Would you recommend a meditation practice for someone who is stuck outside of the present moment? I used to meditate by mantra but haven't for nearly a year now. I don't know how society could function if no one thought about the future. But that's not my issue, is it?

Edited December 21, 2023 by not-a-faerie

[SeaMonster]

17 minutes ago, not-a-faerie said:

Right now I just want to nap. I can't subsist by napping all day every day. Maybe you're right about the future. Would you recommend a meditation practice for someone who is stuck outside of the present moment? I used to meditate by mantra but haven't for nearly a year now. I don't know how society could function if no one thought about the future. But that's not my issue, is it?

I go to the gym and shoot a basketball, that's the best meditation, but whatever works for you.

The point is, you sound like you're in a vicious cycle of a bad lifestyle you need to get out of to find motivation.

[Devin]

1 hour ago, not-a-faerie said:

Right now I just want to nap. I can't subsist by napping all day every day. Maybe you're right about the future. Would you recommend a meditation practice for someone who is stuck outside of the present moment? I used to meditate by mantra but haven't for nearly a year now. I don't know how society could function if no one thought about the future. But that's not my issue, is it?

Sleep, nap, you beating yourself up about it is what's keeping you there, this guilt can cause anxiety and depression, you're stuck in a loop, just let go and quit beating yourself up and it will pass.

Rest, be nice to yourself. Everyone gets burnt out on life and needs a rest, take yours and it will pass. Enjoy the crap out of your napping, take a blanket outside in the sun and nap, have a nice drink with it, whatever you feel you might want to do do it. You'll be a ball of fire like never before afterwards.

When you feel like you might want to do something, usually something small and easy at first like a walk, immediately go do it, kick a soccer ball, yoga, eat, tea, ..... don't think just do it, just get up and try to do it, just immediately stand up, then start walking, just focus on just standing up first, one thing at a time, no future, just now, just standing up.

Edited December 21, 2023 by Devin

[Raze]

Get psychoanalysis or ifs therapy 

[blankisomeone]

Lol that’s very common