Intimacy, Realness, Trust and Depth In Relationships

[Thought Art]

I have been thinking about dating and relationships and I've come to realize that I am not interested in pickup, or having sex with lots of girls.

What I want is a real, deep, intimate relationship. I am sharing this because I want to share my own process, maturing etc and to hear from others who may be on the same journey. I think there is a focus on pickup etc here, but I want to start talking about about deep relating and intimacy here. I think we could grow by doing so.

I was speaking to a girl I've been getting to know last night and I realized that, so far she is teaching me a lot. I was able to be vulnerable, yet real with her and that allowed me to grow more comfortable with her, trust her and respect her more. I felt the same from her. We still don't know each other that well, and I am open to dating more people because I am focused on getting lots of experience right now and not "Finding the One". But, I am hoping to get to know this girl better.

a few weeks back, The feeling I had when I was posting about the girl I went to the movies with who felt very "Gold Diggery" for lack of a better word...(It felt inauthentic, shallow, like she was acting above me, ungrateful, lack of balanced valuing of the date etc) vs this girl I am talking to right now seem different. We are going for tea tonight and I think that will be fun. She doesn't drink which I like, though she is religious. She knows I am not religious and still wants to go on the date so, thats something.

I also am acutely aware that when it comes too deep, authentic human relating that I am rather inexperienced. I've been highly introverted over the last couple years, and past relationships in my late teens early 20s weren't overly healthy for me. Gaining experience is what is important. I think it will be an enjoyable experiencing. Becoming a better lover, parter, and friend is very important to me. Though, I have inner energetic, cognitive and vulnerability things to work on.

I even notice deep heart pain when my love/ vulnerablility gets activated. I have more energetic/ emotional healing that needs to be done which I believe can only be done through it's feeling. When the heart gets activated in the way it does when you like someone for me it can really hurt like I am being stabbed in the chest. It's going to be important for me to keep exposing myself to those feelings so I can go through I consciously...

I do want an intimate, mature and conscious relationship. I want her to be my friend and my partner. So, knowing this I will continue towards achieving this in my life. 

This girl, last night on the phone is teaching me about how to love and how to relate. I tend to through up walls when I feel vulnerable. But, she is helping me take down those walls. Which I need to to let love in.

 

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Edited December 19, 2023 by Thought Art

[NoSelfSelf]

Isnt this like a journal thing 😅

[Thought Art]

@NoSelfSelf Judge away. You could probably say that about 80% of stuff posted here.

Edited December 19, 2023 by Thought Art

[Thought Art]

I think this sort of thinking is important. A lot of us here talking about pickup, getting laid, and very shallow discussion around dating.

This is the thoughts and self reflection of someone working towards greater maturity in dating and relationships.

[meta_male]

43 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

What I want is a real, deep, intimate relationship. I am sharing this because I want to share my own process, maturing etc and to hear from others who may be on the same journey. I think there is a focus on pickup etc here, but I want to start talking about about deep relating and intimacy here. I think we could grow by doing so.

Nice man, I'm with you here.

After my last relationship I was under the illusion I needed to do pickup in order to grow myself, as if it was the highest way. Glad I never got into it, it would have taken me ages to untangle my mind from all the brainwashing, it's already hard work freeing myself from general manosphere ideology.

58 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

When the heart gets activated in the way it does when you like someone for me it can really hurt like I am being stabbed in the chest.

I've actually noticed this too. Being in love hurts me physically, but it feels more like an imminent implosion.

[nhoktinvt]

i think you should get her deeply attracted to you first then you can have a deep relationship that lasts , bro how old are u btw...
i think you havent got her attracted and havent realized that 
our experiences are relative but if you dont do pick up, you dont pay girls to sleep with you, your chance of getting laid are almost zero
there is a tiny chance a girl do pick up on you but who are we kidding
 

[Thought Art]

@meta_male Hey, I wonder what you mean by Imminent implosion?

I think your point as well about detoxifying ourselves from the "manosphere", or all the dating advice out there that is shit, all the stuff on how to be a man out that that is shit, etc... And getting real experience, and dating is important. I want to think more for myself than... these fools.

Often times going out and meeting real girls and just having fun with them is the best way to meet and even date them. Thats what I think pick up largely comes down to for me, even comparing that to what I have learned from Owen Cook, it really comes down to authentic value, and energetic exchange.

Edited December 19, 2023 by Thought Art

[Thought Art]

2 minutes ago, nhoktinvt said:

i think you should get her deeply attracted to you first then you can have a deep relationship that lasts , bro how old are u btw...
i think you havent got her attracted and havent realized that 
our experiences are relative but if you dont do pick up, you dont pay girls to sleep with you, your chance of getting laid are almost zero
there is a tiny chance a girl do pick up on you but who are we kidding
 

Nah, she is into me for sure. I am experienced enough to know when a girl likes me. She flirted with me, kept touching me, and even wanted my number.

I've had lots of sex in my life by the way. I am not inexperienced that way and, I don't have much problem attracting women in social situations. I am no pick up master, but I got rizz apparently.

Edited December 19, 2023 by Thought Art

[nhoktinvt]

ok bro good luck

[Thought Art]

@nhoktinvt Haha, thanks for chiming in, and good luck to you sir as well. 

[meta_male]

6 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

Hey, I wonder what you mean by Imminent implosion?

That's just the best I can describe my emotional block with when in love, something's holding me back to fully show her my emotions. But I've learnt that girls appreciate it.

Rather than pickup I think a more conscious tool to "get laid" would be IFS. Of course one needs infinite patience with themselves here but getting laid will be an inevitable symptom of growing yourself.

9 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

Often times going out and meeting real girls and just having fun with them is the best way to meet and even date them. Thats what I think pick up largely comes down to for me,

Great to hear. It took me ages to let go more and learn to simply enjoy my time with women, without the need to pick them up or worry about game.

You can't manipulate anyone into getting attracted to you - it's going to happen naturally, and I found the best position for me to be in is when I have fun with whomever's around

[CARDOZZO]

Pickup is the hook.

You can use pickup to attract not to maintain a deep relationship.

[Thought Art]

39 minutes ago, meta_male said:

You can't manipulate anyone into getting attracted to you - it's going to happen naturally, and I found the best position for me to be in is when I have fun with whomever's around

This

[Yimpa]

To truly love someone, you accept them as they are, not merely what you imagined them to be.

Edited December 19, 2023 by Yimpa

[Princess Arabia]

I wish you the best in this endeavor. You deserve it. You also seem to have a very good approach to this and probably burnt through most of the superficiality parts in the dating field, like just looking to get laid by whomever. After awhile the soul yearns for something more.

[Rishabh R]

@Thought Art congratulations 

[Yimpa]

1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

This

Fire and Water is natural 💧🔥 

Edited December 19, 2023 by Yimpa

[NoSelfSelf]

@Thought Art Im wondering what's this thread about its like im reading someones journal...

I guess i missed the depth you wanted to display 

[meta_male]

@NoSelfSelf His post was refreshing to read in this section among all the game talk.

[NoSelfSelf]

@meta_male I dont see any game in this section i guess again i missed it...