Cold Approach Therapy

[Israfil]

2 minutes ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

@Israfil

Yeah, I'm doing that. With my career, with my university, and also with my YouTube channel. Plus exercise, plus martial arts, plus yoga (I'm also a polymath lol). I'm not that fast to open myself tho, so it might take some time (I'm a highly sensitive person / HSP) ;P

I'm just kind of mad because nice-looking girls are looking at me here and there and I have no balls to do a straight approach. But I think that's just not my nature, I'm too sensitive to just go in, hard as motherfucker.

 

 

If you have an interesting life, maybe you should focus on expanding your social group first. Find some friends, and women will be way more open to you, simply because you have been previously vetted by the people you're hanging out with. 

From there, practice talking to girls in those social settings. Soon, you'll be able to handle one-on-one conversations easily or they might even occur naturally during the process of engaging those people in social contexts. If you're sensitive, you'll easily recognize people interested in you and people who are not interested in you. Look for those who are. You are on the right road. Just avoid too much content about it on the internet. Your own experience is more than enough to handle this. If you need help, talk here or with people that you know that have good relationships. They'll paint a very different image than that of redpill grifters. 

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Israfil

It's not that easy to find a social circle, as I'm here like alone in a new city, I'm trying my best tho

I'll start attending martial arts (Saturday) and yoga classes (Sunday) and will also go out on Fridays and Saturdays to some Meetup meetings, don't have any better ideas for now. I'm also doing gym/sauna 5 times a week, but it's not like I will just approach random people there and talk to them. I do some chit-chatting here and there, but it's nothing sustainable or long-term.

Edited December 20, 2023 by 28 cm unbuffed

[Yimpa]

On 12/17/2023 at 4:00 AM, 28 cm unbuffed said:

But I'm questioning the long-term feasibility of this strategy. What happens if I do find a girlfriend and then become single again?

You can also ask yourself, “How is my fear of rejection preventing me from communicating with women? If I do get rejected, am I willing to accept that and continue to open my heart and mind to how I view myself and women?”

[Israfil]

11 minutes ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

@Israfil

It's not that easy to find a social circle, as I'm here like alone in a new city, I'm trying my best tho

I'll start attending martial arts (Saturday) and yoga classes (Sunday) and will also go out on Fridays and Saturdays to some Meetup meetings, don't have any better ideas for now. I'm also doing gym/sauna 5 times a week, but it's not like I will just approach random people there and talk to them. I do some chit-chatting here and there, but it's nothing sustainable or long-term.

That's great already. The simple fact you're new makes people curious. It's a great conversation starter, by the way. Remember what I said about travel and sharing life experiences. You might find people who have lived in many different cities or lived in that city their entire lives interested in talking about it. 

You will nurture and develop your social circle just by consistently being in the ambients you frequent. Don't be afraid to talk to people that you chit chat with a little bit longer, for example. It is a balance between seeking it and letting it happen. Give time to it.

[Mannyb]

7 hours ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

@Mannyb

Yeah, maybe that's just a story, but it hurts like motherfucker

That’s why it hurts tho, because it’s not truthful!

[Yimpa]

Humans are so funny. Approaching just women? Approaching your kitchen should be a whole universe unto itself,

WingmanGPT:

Quote

Approaching someone you're interested in, much like approaching your own kitchen, can indeed be seen as exploring a universe full of possibilities. In both cases, it's important to respect the environment and the individuals within it. 

Just as you wouldn't barge into your kitchen and start using tools and ingredients without understanding them, the same goes for social interactions. It's about understanding and respecting boundaries, being considerate of the other person's feelings and comfort, and engaging in a way that is welcome and appropriate.

In the context of your kitchen, you might first observe what ingredients are available, understand the tools at your disposal, and then proceed with care and creativity. Similarly, when approaching someone, it’s beneficial to observe social cues, understand the context, and proceed with kindness and genuine interest. 

Remember, the goal isn't just to start a conversation, but to create a comfortable and enjoyable interaction for both parties, much like creating a delightful meal in your kitchen. 

 

Edited December 20, 2023 by Yimpa

[PenguinPablo]

16 hours ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

@Leo Gura

I know what you mean, but do you mean becoming so strong that I can tolerate that much of women's bullshit? 😱

That's too strong dude, wow. 🤯

 

On a serious note though... How does learning pickup give you strength or develop you as a man really, I'm not convinced by that argument.

By falling in love so deeply with the art of social skills / pickup, and loving human beings in general, the discomfort and pain becomes secondary.

inspiration my friend 

thats the answer

falling in love with incremental progress

&& the occasional reward 🍑🍑

Edited December 21, 2023 by PenguinPablo

[Yimpa]

On 12/20/2023 at 2:41 AM, 28 cm unbuffed said:

I know what you mean, but do you mean becoming so strong that I can tolerate that much of women's bullshit? 😱

Women aren’t beautiful shit. You are.

Edited December 21, 2023 by Yimpa

[Leo Gura]

There is no substitute to cold approaching and interacting with 1000s of women. This process will grow you in so many ways.

You don't even understand what you're missing.

Edited December 21, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Karmadhi]

@Leo Gura What if you meet people and women in other ways? Like events, social circle, work so a combination of these. 
Does it necessarily have to be classic cold approach?

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Leo Gura

I'm going through a freaking dark night of a soul experience and trauma release, I just let it do its work for now.

I'm also shedding layers of "nice guy-ism" simultaneously.

Then I'll start being more social and maybe work my way up to cold approaching with that.

Pushing myself doesn't work, I did this in the past and now I'm back in the same place.

I'll get there, just by using a step-by-step approach this time.

 

Edit: When I read a post from @Israfil yesterday, about just doing more stuff, and becoming a more social and interesting person in general, I felt a great relief. Now, I wasn't judging myself about how much of a loser I was, because I was not approaching and then I was a lot lighter and felt free. I know having goals, being strict with them, and healthy pressure are good tools, but in this case, I was doing more harm than good to myself I think

Edited December 21, 2023 by 28 cm unbuffed

[Leo Gura]

4 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

@Leo Gura What if you meet people and women in other ways? Like events, social circle, work so a combination of these. 
Does it necessarily have to be classic cold approach?

That could work. But unless you do it hardcore it won't grow you as much as pushing yourself with cold approach will.

Cold approach requires you to push yourself so much. Some casual socializing doesn't do that.

[Rishabh R]

@Leo Gura So you mean that pursuing to get a relationship is better than having a girlfriend?

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Leo Gura

I understand that, but I still didn't do the basic, fundamental work on my social skills and confidence with other people in general. I don't want to brute force the process, I know that it might be just bitch talk and excuses, but that's where I am right now.

@Rishabh R

I think he meant that the growth that you get from that process > gf

Edited December 21, 2023 by 28 cm unbuffed

[Alexop]

4 hours ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

 

Edit: When I read a post from @Israfil yesterday, about just doing more stuff, and becoming a more social and interesting person in general, I felt a great relief. Now, I wasn't judging myself about how much of a loser I was, because I was not approaching and then I was a lot lighter and felt free. I know having goals, being strict with them, and healthy pressure are good tools, but in this case, I was doing more harm than good to myself I think

I feel you, it is sad that these are the dynamics of our society, that we have to dedicate years to learning tehniques and force us to socialize. Back in the tribe days, socializing was inevitable and all the attractive girls in the tribe were already introduced to you, now we have pickup schools and shit.

All that shaming of: "You should've tak to her, maybe you missed a great opportunity" ate my happiness. Social circle/joining activities seems a more natural and healthy approach. BUT I dont't dismiss the power of pickup, you increase the chances of finding a nice girl by doing it, mainly daygame. 

Edited December 21, 2023 by Alexop

[28 cm unbuffed]

And what do you guys think about the Law of Attraction and all of that destiny, airy-fairy approach?

I know it might be a great trap and excuse, to avoid socializing, approaching, or making efforts to do more dating, but in the end maybe if someone is destined for you, you will eventually be together no matter what (or something along those lines). Like soulmate or something like that lol

Might that be true or that's delusion level hard?

[Alexop]

12 minutes ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

And what do you guys think about the Law of Attraction and all of that destiny, airy-fairy approach?

I know it might be a great trap and excuse, to avoid socializing, approaching, or making efforts to do more dating, but in the end maybe if someone is destined for you, you will eventually be together no matter what (or something along those lines). Like soulmate or something like that lol

Might that be true or that's delusion level hard?

Not soulmate but a girl that fits you, you like each other's personality, style, interrests etc. You can meet that "soulmate" or whatever if you expose yourself to lots of girls aka socializing. She won't knock on your door while you're playing DOTA. 

That soulmate will be of high quality if you are of high quality. People resonate and get into relationships with those of the same vibe/SD stage.

 

[Mannyb]

@28 cm unbuffed now you’re getting closer to it

If the Lord is your shepherd, you shall not want!

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, Rishabh R said:

@Leo Gura So you mean that pursuing to get a relationship is better than having a girlfriend?

That's not what I was talking about.

What's better than any girl is the skills build at getting girls in general. Focus on building a goldmine, not cherishing a single nugget.

3 hours ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

@Leo Gura

I understand that, but I still didn't do the basic, fundamental work on my social skills and confidence with other people in general.

Well, just get started. That's part of pickup.

You can start going to your local mall and chatting with all the sales clerks. Do that every weekend for 6 months.

Or, just start going out to bars on Fri/Sat. There's no reason to wait. You will learn once you're there. It won't ever get easier by waiting. Just get your ass out of the house every Fri/Sat. It's not much different from hitting the gym. It's just habit you do without even thinking about not doing it.

You don't need any skill to go out. You don't need any kind of result either. Just go out and approach a few people. That's already a success.

Edited December 21, 2023 by Leo Gura

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Leo Gura

Yeah, that's exactly what I'm going to do, thank you Leo 🥵