Cold Approach Therapy

[28 cm unbuffed]

I've been reflecting on the challenge of finding a girlfriend or connecting romantically and realized that cold approaching might be the next step for me. Despite giving other methods a fair shot and making numerous adjustments, they just haven't panned out.

It's a tough realization, but I'm coming to terms with it.

The idea of cold approaching is daunting, I won't lie. It feels alien to me, and the thought alone is enough to freeze me in my tracks. It's not just nerves; it's a physical barrier I'm grappling with. To tackle this, I've been doing daily breathwork exercises and confronting some deep-seated emotional trauma, especially around my chest and heart area. It's a painful process, with about 30 minutes each day of intense, burning emotions, but I'm hoping it's clearing the way for better things.

I have tried cold approaching before, around 20-30 times, but it's always been a struggle. It required a lot of self-coercion and the presence of a friend to make it more bearable. However, this approach isn't something I can sustain long term.

I've been mulling over a possible step-by-step plan to ease into it. For instance, on day 1, I could ask 5 people for directions to the post office, and then build up from there. But I'm questioning the long-term feasibility of this strategy. What happens if I do find a girlfriend and then become single again? Starting from scratch each time doesn't seem practical.

Is there a better, more effective strategy you might suggest for someone in my situation?

Any advice or alternative approaches would be greatly appreciated 🤗

Edited December 17, 2023 by 28 cm unbuffed

[something_else]

On 17/12/2023 at 10:00 AM, 28 cm unbuffed said:

I've been mulling over a possible step-by-step plan to ease into it. For instance, on day 1, I could ask 5 people for directions to the post office, and then build up from there. But I'm questioning the long-term feasibility of this strategy. What happens if I do find a girlfriend and then become single again? Starting from scratch each time doesn't seem practical.

I'd recommend busy nightclubs. I know they seem like they may be even more intense than day approaching, but I would argue they aren't. They are very good for getting to grips with cold approach for a few reasons:

• Much more socially acceptable to talk to strangers
• Everyone there is in a sociable mood
• There are more women in a single location than you could talk to in the whole night
• People there are generally much more lenient towards social mistakes
• If you feel too intense, you can take a break by sitting at the side for a bit or chatting to some guys, and then talk to some more women later
• Can have a few drinks, which does help out
• The more people there, the more you just blend into the crowd

I started off doing a few cold approaches during the day and made little progress, then started going to nightclubs and made a lot of progress very quickly.

If you're kinda shy, start with alt or rock nightclubs in your city if it has them. They usually have the most chill atmosphere.

Edited December 18, 2023 by something_else

[Leo Gura]

On 12/17/2023 at 2:00 AM, 28 cm unbuffed said:

Is there a better, more effective strategy you might suggest for someone in my situation?

Once you develop a lot of experience and skill, you won't need to start from scratch every time.

You should plan to invest at least 2-5 years into learning game. Then you will have the skill set.

You should also seriously consider moving to a city with a good nightlife and day game opportunities.

Edited December 20, 2023 by Leo Gura

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Leo Gura

Yeah, I already moved to Warsaw (I'm from Poland), but at the moment I'm focused on gaining financial freedom for myself because even if I want to give dating more attention, money problems might still bite me in the ass along the way.

Investing 2- 5 years is not something that sounds worth it to me, girls are not something THAT worthwhile. Like what the fuck

 

Edit: Also, doesn't it seem a little bit fucked up, that you will probably not find a girl that invested even a day into something like "game" or whatever. They just dress nice, exercise, and focus on their thing (whatever that is), like basic stuff.

How's that fair to invest years of your life and why would you want to try so hard just to get that?

The only explanation that I find for that is that there are tryhard guys that will do anything for that and that's why the competition is so hard. Guys that are so thirsty for a pussy that they will do anything just to smash a high-quality one.

Like, there's no dignity in that, not trying to offend anyone here or anything, but why would anyone do that and why would anyone value a woman that much? All of that sounds bizarre and pathetic to me.

 

And what a game is really? The entire skill is about how to make a girl have fun! and be aroused and go "woooo!!!" and go emotional like a stupid child. I don't fucking get it at all.

Edited December 20, 2023 by 28 cm unbuffed

[IronFoot]

@28 cm unbuffed they don’t need to invest time into game because it does nothing to benefit them. Women don’t have a problem finding sexual partners or relationships (generally I think), but they do seem to have a problem  finding high quality sexual partners or relationships.

 

men seem to have the opposite problem. Less options available that are attracted to them but easier time finding high quality partners.  Also worth noting that this might just be because most men have very low standards ( like it’s almost pitiful) while women have much higher expectations.  I once knew someone who said “ A warm body is a warm body.” I think that mentality is the probably the major problem a lot of guys are falling into whether they admit it to themselves or not.

 

also, looking at game as some job that is separate from the rest of your life probably won’t bring good results. At the end of the day, most men would have more options if they went to the gym, wore nice ish clothes, and had a few interesting hobbies. if your life is interesting you will will have interesting things to talk about and someone will be interested.  If you can hold a conversation and be playful about it, someone will be interested. Of course this can be over complicated or simplified as much as you want, but that’s the premise. The more you can integrate it into your life the better (to the point it’s not a separate thing you do).

 

also, if girls are not worthwhile to you, it might be worth devoting your time elsewhere and not worrying about it.

 

 

Edited December 20, 2023 by IronFoot

[28 cm unbuffed]

@IronFoot

I kind of get it (the warm body approach).

If you have a "whatever" girl to smash in front of you and someone who is crazy, solipsistic, and delusional about their worth (like most high-value women are) then the choice is really easy.

I choose the lower-quality girl all day. Who wants to deal with that bullshit just to smash somewhat higher-quality pussy, give me a break dude.

Men don't respect themselves and will do anything, ignore women's fuckedupness, just to smash that. That's pathetic.

 

Other than that, yeah, that's something that I try to do while focusing mainly on my own life goals, passions, career, and fitness. Thank you

Edited December 20, 2023 by 28 cm unbuffed

[IronFoot]

@28 cm unbuffed I would say that anyone who is crazy or delusional probably isn’t high value. Value isn’t only derived from appearances, though it’s definitely important.  I would argue that a less attractive person that compliments your life is higher value than a super model that is a pain in the neck to deal with.

Determining what values you want a partner to have can help you define what is high and low quality. Those criteria may also help you narrow down where you are most focused on approaching people (at least if it’s a serious relationship you are after).

 

Personally, I would suggest only using clibs and bars as a way to practice and not go into it expecting a real relationship. Just treat it as practicing conversation.

 

Meditation/ yoga groups, hiking, martial arts, rock climbing, biking, skiing are all great activities to go meet higher quality people. 

 

 

 

[28 cm unbuffed]

@IronFoot

What I meant is:

https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fexternal-preview.redd.it%2F5CCQQxGrCRlBtPKU9lrjey823c1pQ2yzV14ZbhRF7WQ.jpg%3Fauto%3Dwebp%26s%3Df48bd249258d6d34a90957e959c7abffb5177416

Not sure if you can find a really attractive girl who isn't crazy, that's a unicorn.

Other than that, I'm a highly logical and "cold" guy you can say, most girls are crazy to me and they are mostly a pain in the ass, and nothing in return other than sex. So, the warm body approach still seems appealing 🤗

Edited December 20, 2023 by 28 cm unbuffed

[Emotionalmosquito]

51 minutes ago, IronFoot said:

men seem to have the opposite problem. Less options available that are attracted to them but easier time finding high quality partners

How the actual fuck can that be? LOL

If you can’t even get anyone attracted to you then where the hell is the HIGH QUALITY partner supposed to come from? Does she get teleported directly in front of you from the planet Kepler 186f?  

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Emotionalmosquito

Yeah, I think that's a typo or something, I ignored that because I assumed that he made a mistake

[Leo Gura]

@IronFoot You are looking at this the wrong way.

Learning game is not about chasing for sex. It's about growing yourself into a powerful man and an adventure.

The main benefit is not the sex you have but how strong you become.

Edited December 20, 2023 by Leo Gura

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Leo Gura

I know what you mean, but do you mean becoming so strong that I can tolerate that much of women's bullshit? 😱

That's too strong dude, wow. 🤯

 

On a serious note though... How does learning pickup give you strength or develop you as a man really, I'm not convinced by that argument.

[mmKay]

1 hour ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

@Leo Gura

How does learning pickup give you strength or develop you as a man really, I'm not convinced by that argument.

X•D you litterally said you're scared AF of cold approach so doing it is already enough to grow you - besides that' the character and lifestyle gains are beyond your imagination 

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

How does learning pickup give you strength or develop you as a man really, I'm not convinced by that argument.

It's hard to explain that to someone who hasn't seriously tried it.

[28 cm unbuffed]

@mmKay

Yeah, I am, but that's because of trauma, being hurt by stupid women wasted years of my life. On a physical level, my biological body is just afraid of getting into that again, that's mostly it. There's no development in approaching right now, there's development in clearing trauma first. 

Don't "XD" me, please.

@Leo Gura

Swagger is what you mean? Confidence? Assertiveness? Politeness and honesty?

I can get that and I got these from other things like martial arts, gym, and just acting like a decent man on a day-to-day basis. Not sure what more there is to get.

And I don't need to chase sex to motivate me to improve these aspects of my life.

Edited December 20, 2023 by 28 cm unbuffed

[Miguel1]

28 minutes ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

Swagger is what you mean? Confidence? Assertiveness? Politeness and honesty?

I can get that and I got these from other things like martial arts, gym, and just acting like a decent man on a day-to-day basis. Not sure what more there is to get.

And I don't need to chase sex to motivate me to improve these aspects of my life.

On 17/12/2023 at 0:00 PM, 28 cm unbuffed said:

The idea of cold approaching is daunting, I won't lie. It feels alien to me, and the thought alone is enough to freeze me in my tracks. It's not just nerves; it's a physical barrier I'm grappling with. To tackle this, I've been doing daily breathwork exercises and confronting some deep-seated emotional trauma, especially around my chest and heart area. It's a painful process, with about 30 minutes each day of intense, burning emotions, but I'm hoping it's clearing the way for better things.

I have tried cold approaching before, around 20-30 times, but it's always been a struggle. It required a lot of self-coercion and the presence of a friend to make it more bearable. However, this approach isn't something I can sustain long term.

 

 

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Miguel1 ?

[mmKay]

4 hours ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

@Leo Gura

 

I don't think anything can trigger your trauma for overcoming  it more than game.

Journaling , CBT , Sedona, shadow work ,contemplation, breath work and psychedelics are okay but it's just tap dancing around the trauma

Osho dynamic meditation is my fav. Surprisingly Elliot hulse has a good video on it

Easing into is good, otherwise it's too overwhelming. Try to see any minimal progress as a huge win. You gotta be delusionally optimistic

 

You don't need to cold approach to get laid. 99% of guys don't do it. Just become sociable and build social circle 

Edited December 20, 2023 by mmKay

[28 cm unbuffed]

@mmKay

I'm processing tons of trauma this autumn, I feel the pain in my chest area for hours sometimes (I have to lay down on a bed and feel into it).

It already lasts for like month or two. Everyday.

That's a lot and I have to honor that for now, I tried to push myself through it, but I got triggered too easily, like a wounded animal.

[Mannyb]

8 minutes ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

@mmKay

I'm processing tons of trauma this autumn, I feel the pain in my chest area for hours sometimes (I have to lay down on a bed and feel into it).

It already lasts for like month or two. Everyday.

That's a lot and I have to honor that for now, I tried to push myself through it, but I got triggered too easily, like a wounded animal.

That’s only a story about yourself to be let go of