Should i deal with this girl

[evgn]

I have i cowerker of mine that i started to like and she also like me.

I think that she has very serios problem with alcohol and when we go out she blames me that i dont drink and i am boring and also tell me that i am too "decent man". I know that she is not my person but what do you think.

Edited December 17, 2023 by evgn

[Parallax Mind]

Probably not man. You have to keep working with her so it can ruin your job.

[Applegarden8]

Bad quality person to hang around with. Leave her. She will not have enough awareness to be a decent person, to care about herself and to care about you and she has to resolve her trauma for which she has an alcohol problem and is arrogant about it "how can you not drink, how it is possible?" 1000x better to live alone or find someone else.

Edited December 17, 2023 by Applegarden8

[Spiritual Warrior]

Try to respectfully lead her into having sex with you  

This will be fun for both of you and you will gain a direct experience of what it takes to lead which will help you grow. 

Edited December 17, 2023 by Spiritual Warrior

[evgn]

On 12/17/2023 at 5:52 PM, Applegarden8 said:

Bad quality person to hang around with. Leave her. She will not have enough awareness to be a decent person, to care about herself and to care about you and she has to resolve her trauma for which she has an alcohol problem and is arrogant about it "how can you not drink, how it is possible?" 1000x better to live alone or find someone else.

She also make up with her girl friend when they are both drunk. I am not very conservative but its a fucking weird to me.

[Applegarden8]

7 hours ago, evgn said:

She also make up with her girl friend when they are both drunk. I am not very conservative but its a fucking weird to me.

I did not get what you meant, however I can expand a little bit further. About relationship, although I haven't had one, I tend to think this way. You will live with another human being for a long period of time. Neither of you are perfect. I feel that it has to be somewhat informed decision based on some things and of course you may not find the perfect one and have to choose from whatever options you have if any (for some men).

You will be able to see what people value not from what they say but from subtle hints when they are interacting with different people and from watching their consistency of character in some moderate period of time.

Since any relationship is transactional, you would have to think, well is it worth it for you? How it will affect your life? Based on their character, how would you estimate that, in what ways?

If she is drinking for example, there are following consequences for that.

She will endlessly try to convince you to drink and get mad/have arguments because of that.

This habit will spiral some other issues from lack of awareness such as neglecting their finances, health, probably lying some more (because she has a destructive coping strategy and can't think in a bit bigger picture), drinking creates inferiority complex and she will always project that guilt on you with her other trauma which she is probably not going to resolve, because of her habit. She will think that she cannot change and cannot grow and ask you to change and make you feel guilty about being you instead of her. Also shaming you for not drinking means that she genuinely does not care about you. You are a vehicle in her life to feel secure about something I would assume, because that is the ancient story "I want to have everything other people seem to have which is the status of being with the other half".

Also how do you feel yourself about her? Do you really like her or you are just being needy or she only triggers sexual desire?

I once had a classmate that had a very big and fit round ass. She was genuinely a good candidate for relationship because she did not have a lot of bad habits and she was into sports, but I only had a sexual desire for her. Later on she hit on me even when she had a boyfriend.

But instantly my logic turned on and I understood, even if I try to become her boyfriend, there would be so much drama and she left him after all, she can leave me too like that. And if I did date her, I would not become as of a musician I am l today and that is what I am most passionate about right now.

Is living alone better or do you really need that companionship? I am not saying you don't, although I am biased towards being single, but it's up to you. Are there any different quality women in your circles? Are they better candidates for a sustainable relationship, raising children or living together with your ambitions, goals and desires?

[meta_male]

On 17.12.2023 at 10:02 AM, evgn said:

I think that she has very serios problem with alcohol and when we go out she blames me that i dont drink and i am boring and also tell me that i am too "decent man".

Sounds more like teasing. Don't take it too seriously and tease her back.

13 hours ago, evgn said:

She also make up with her girl friend when they are both drunk. I am not very conservative but its a fucking weird to me.

This is normal drunk girl behaviour.

[Yimpa]

If she goes against your core values, set appropriate boundaries in response.

[evgn]

6 hours ago, Yimpa said:

If she goes against your core values, set appropriate boundaries in response.

Yes, lost of things regarding her behavoiur are against my core values. I have already told her that i cannot take her seriously if she is going to behave the way she does.

I am not trying to change her. I thing the best choice for me is to move on from her.

Edited December 19, 2023 by evgn

[Yimpa]

2 minutes ago, evgn said:

Yes, lost of things regarding her behavoiur are against my core values. I have already told her that i cannot take her seriously if she is going to behave the way she does.

I am not trying to change her. I thing the best choice for me is to move on from her.

And that’s probably effortless, or minimal effort, is you truly don’t take her seriously.

[ivankiss]

If I was you, I wouldn't consider much more than sex. Could be a good fuck buddy material, but the fact that you're working together is not too great either. Chances are you both gonna regret it. Be careful.

 

[evgn]

On 12/20/2023 at 4:15 AM, ivankiss said:

If I was you, I wouldn't consider much more than sex. Could be a good fuck buddy material, but the fact that you're working together is not too great either. Chances are you both gonna regret it. Be careful.

 

Yes, she is not gf material, i might have sex with her and will be it.