My salsa dancing experience last night

[Spiritual Warrior]

I’d like to vent to you guys about my experience at a salsa club last night. 

I got out at work at 10 pm and headed to the salsa dancing venue for 10:30 with one of my buddies. Right when I walked in, we met up with some work friends that I don’t really know that well. 

One of the girls immediately asked me to dance merengue with her, we had danced before in our dance instructor training so we have a little bit of rapport. I enjoyed dancing with her, she is very good and knows how to move her hips. 

Next, I ask this older latina woman to dance with me, my first cold approach. She enjoyed it. I was not attracted to her though.

Then I shift my attention to the front of the venue, there's a lot of energy coming from over there. I try to bounce around a little bit and get into the music. Eventually, another work friend girl asks me how long I’ve been working there and then asks me to dance with her. 

Those three dances were fun but I am limited in my merengue moves, I’d like to learn more. 

Now I’m starting to feel myself a little bit. A salsa song comes on and I do my second cold approach, I ask this young Jamaican woman thats a little bit taller than me to dance the salsa. She immediately takes my hand. We dance for several minutes, I felt like it went really well, she was smiling and we were starting to develop some chemistry. Towards the end of our dance I was starting to get turned on, but I didn’t really know what to do about it, not sure if she picked up on this, but she ended the dance shortly after that. She gave me a hug and her name and walked away. 

Next, I ask a short older woman to dance with me. She said she didn't know how and I told her I would teach her. This didn’t last long, she just wasn’t feeling it. 

I walk around the venue for a little bit, trying to make eye contact with someone but to no avail. 

When I come back, I find the taller Jamaican woman and the short older woman both dancing with other guys, like really close, intimately…. And damn…. This hurt… What on earth are these guys doing that I am not? Is it their sexual prowess? Is it their confidence? 

This is where my confidence starts to deteriorate and it must have shown in my next two approaches. 

I decide to continue trudging along. I walk up to another girl, tap her on the shoulder and ask her if she wants to dance with me, she says something like “Yeah, I guess.” I say “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, it's okay.” And then she turns her back to me and dances with her friends. Damn, another one. 

I meet back up with my buddy, and he points out a couple of cute girls on the dance floor he wants us to approach. He asks me which one I want and I choose the more attractive one (props to me for that). We walk up to them and ask them to dance, the girl I was dancing with was a 9 or a 10, very attractive. We were dancing merengue and she had a drink in her hand which made it difficult to do many moves. After only a couple of minutes, she lets go of my hand and signals to her friend to come over to her. I can tell that this means she is not feeling the interaction and wants to get out. I back away and continue dancing facing her, I probably should have just walked away and saved some dignity. Eventually, she said that her feet were hurting and she needs a break. I knew it was coming. 

My confidence is now completely shot and I decide that I should leave, theres no way that I can confidently approach anyone else tonight. 

I left at 11:30 so I only stayed for an hour. 

 

Next steps: 

I am feeling a bit frustrated right now so I'd like to take some time this weekend and decompress. I have a bowling date lined up tomorrow night and I have another girl's number that I'm trying to set up a date with so lets continue working on that. I'd really just like to hang out with my buddies this weekend though and watch some football. 

 

Takeways: 

These other guys that swept these women off of their feet have something that I don't have, we want to figure out what this is.

I also want to figure out how to bounce back when my confidence is shot. 

I did like and appreciate how polite the women were that rejected me, of course it always hurts, but it felt like each one of them took my feelings into consideration. 

 

Thank you for reading my vent. If you have any advice or questions, let me know. 

We all deserve love. 

Edited December 15, 2023 by Spiritual Warrior

[Leo Gura]

I'll tell you what your core problem is...

You're being too serious about all this.

The trick is to genuinely let loose, get in the playful zone, and have a blast without a care in the world.

Game is play.

You deserve to get that stick out of your ass

Edited December 15, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Raze]

https://www.girlschase.com/content/should-you-really-worry-about-female-state-control-and-social-frame

https://www.girlschase.com/content/optimize-your-nervous-system-and-gain-state-control

 

[mr_engineer]

The choice to dance with you or not has nothing serious behind it. If I were in your position, I would not really care about that. 

The important thing you have to focus on, is chemistry. So, when you go in there, you figure out how the dance-night is organized, what the schedule is. Meaning, you map out the dance-floor and you pick a location to dance. Then, you look at all the women and you think about who you like and why. Meaning, you evaluate your chances of creating chemistry with them. I don't care if all of this thinking means that you're the last guy standing without a partner, this is what you do. 

Then, you take your shot with that specific woman, after negotiating the logistic obstacles. If you're feeling nervous, you do some 'warm-up' dancing with whoever you can get. Then, if you catch her alone, you approach her immediately and 'sweep her off her feet'. Doing that takes some prep, and I suggest you do that before going for it. 

And, check if there are problematic patterns in your dancing. For example, I've noticed that a lot of guys struggle to let go of their partner's hand when the dance-step says so, because of their own psychological issues. Or, you may like how a certain woman looks when she dances with someone else, but you'll be scared to approach her yourself. You have to work on patterns like these on your own time, because they will keep you from embodying your masculinity on the dance-floor. 

[StarStruck]

They wanted to have fun and you aren't fun.

[Spiritual Warrior]

1 hour ago, StarStruck said:

They wanted to have fun and you aren't fun.

Lmao you don't like to sugar coat things, huh??

I do appreciate the bluntness though. 

And you're right, girls just want to have fun, and I'm too worried about making sure she approves of me that I don't allow myself to just enjoy the experience. 

I'm needy for her approval, I know this. 

This hurts to hear.. but with truth comes pain. 

[Spiritual Warrior]

We're playing in the game now

No longer sitting on the bench

No one wants to ride the bench

We'd rather fall deeper in love with life

Edited December 15, 2023 by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiritual Warrior]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You deserve to get that stick out of your ass

Thank you, I agree 

[Leo Gura]

@Spiritual Warrior Make a study of the principles of detachment from outcome and self-amusement.

What would it be like if you interacted with girls to amuse yourself more than to get something from her?

This is the serious inner game paradigm shift that gets you laid.

Edited December 15, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Spiritual Warrior]

4 hours ago, mr_engineer said:

Then, you take your shot with that specific woman, after negotiating the logistic obstacles. If you're feeling nervous, you do some 'warm-up' dancing with whoever you can get. Then, if you catch her alone, you approach her immediately and 'sweep her off her feet'. Doing that takes some prep, and I suggest you do that before going for it. 

I don't like the premeditation. That's what feels creepy to me. To me, it's got to be authentic and natural and organic for it to go smoothly. That's the only time an interaction with a female goes well for me. 

[mr_engineer]

1 minute ago, Spiritual Warrior said:

I don't like the premeditation. That's what feels creepy to me. To me, it's got to be authentic and natural and organic for it to go smoothly. That's the only time an interaction with a female goes well for me. 

Are you telling me, that being a lead in a Latin dance should take no prep on your side? 

All of the problems you listed are a result of lack of prep. You do the prep, you do the homework, you're set. 

[Spiritual Warrior]

8 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

Are you telling me, that being a lead in a Latin dance should take no prep on your side? 

Hmmm.. interesting.. 

It takes a lot of prep... And I'll admit that I am learning how to dance in order to get laid. 

I am premeditatively doing something in order to get laid on a larger time scale.. And I don't view that as creepy... I wonder why that is.. 

Edited December 15, 2023 by Spiritual Warrior

[Thought Art]

Going out dancing is great!