What does it mean to be 'ready for a relationship' as a man?

[mr_engineer]

2 hours ago, something_else said:

How dare you swear like that! Watch your language

 

Buddy, I'm not saying that others shouldn't swear. I'm clarifying which words actually mean something and which words are just swear-words that mean nothing. 

[theleelajoker]

Seems to me that the whole discussion took a different road...but anyway, I can agree to this:

Quote

"when you figure out what you uniquely have to offer to women"(...) "you will be confident with women"

On the other hand, I am not so sure about the formula "a lot of sex with hot women = happy life".

I know two guys that do that a lot - they both fit the typical "alpha" traits: Money, social status, good looks, muscular frame, strong body language, confidence that borders on arrogance. But: none of them seems to be really balanced and happy in life. One is telling my that he has been depressive for over a decade and he has a close relationship with alcohol. The other one once told me that he is scared that he has mental issues, since he cannot develop feelings for any of his conquests. They both specialized in "getting girls", they optimized their strategy, their "frame", their moves, their body language etc. You can see observe how they play the game, you can learn such behavior through practice.

But I do not get the impression of them being happy or in balance or whatever. They put so much time and energy into learning the techniques of attracting women but they are not so much in touch with their feelings and needs. Are those two representative? No idea, those two are the only ones I know who are getting a disproportional large number of hot women and hence my only data points.

Yeah, oc sometimes I wished that I would have taken that or this girl home with me, but other times I just did not feel it and then I was quite happy to go home alone. Or I sometimes took them home with me but felt quite empty afterward (my last ONS was like that). Could be just me, but I am OK with fewer girls but the ones I really connect with. And those I really connect with, I don't need to be anyone else than myself. No strategy or no frame is needed.

Which leads me again to the beginning: Just be yourself and the rest will come - including confidence and the right girl(s).

[mr_engineer]

@theleelajoker This thread is about being ready for a relationship, not about happiness. 

27 minutes ago, theleelajoker said:

Just be yourself and the rest will come - including confidence and the right girl(s).

As true as this is in theory, applying this in practice is very complicated. Everyone would be doing this if it were simple and straightforward. 

In practice, you have to 'be yourself' in a way that's constructive, in order to make something work. And, how do you know whether you're doing the right things, whether what you're doing or planning to do is constructive? That's what I'm trying to answer here. 

[Yimpa]

If all you keep doing is questioning a woman all you’ll be left with is doubt.

Edited December 16, 2023 by Yimpa

[mr_engineer]

2 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

If all you keep doing is questioning a woman all you’ll be left with is doubt.

No, I'll be left with the truth. 

You can question the truth all you want, it'll still stay the truth. Only the lies fall away by questioning! 

[Yimpa]

2 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

No, I'll be left with the truth. 

You can question the truth all you want, it'll still stay the truth. Only the lies fall away by questioning! 

One is ready for a relationship when they stop questioning the legitimacy of the relationship. 

[Schizophonia]

You are ready when you stop believing that there is a "be ready" stage.

It just means “When do you know you’re “no longer” shit enough to be in a relationship ?🤔 ” lol
Basically learned helplessness.

Edited December 16, 2023 by Schizophonia

[theleelajoker]

9 hours ago, mr_engineer said:

@theleelajoker This thread is about being ready for a relationship, not about happiness.

Well, you want a relationship just for the sake of having a relationship? Or is the desire for a relationship pointing towards sth else? If so, what is it pointing to?

Quote

As true as this is in theory, applying this in practice is very complicated. Everyone would be doing this if it were simple and straightforward. 

Maybe everyone is doing it all the time, even if not fully aware of it?

Quote

In practice, you have to 'be yourself' in a way that's constructive, in order to make something work. And, how do you know whether you're doing the right things, whether what you're doing or planning to do is constructive? That's what I'm trying to answer here.

It's about the balance of action, communication, reflection, feeling in a constant flow of experience. It's never one thing but a system. Don't get stuck on the thinking part. If you are, I recommend any practice that put you in touch with your body, your feelings, your right side brain. Activities that calm down the nervous system are helpful, too.  Helps me to do more and think less. With more doing, the answers typically follow.

 

[SeaMonster]

On 12/14/2023 at 11:33 PM, mr_engineer said:

Here's my answer - it's when you figure out what you uniquely have to offer to women. This will be your competitive edge against other men when it comes to getting hot women. 

I don't think it's that complicated and you should be wary of falling into a "what do I (uniquely) bring to the table?" mentality and you shouldn't look at it as a competition against other men.  Most men are simply clueless about women, so there isn't much "competition."

This is sort of a self-limiting mentality of the Fresh-and-Fit variety.  

You should just focus on being your best self and living your best life AND being aware of your environment and whether the women in your environment are interested and/or open to something.  Most guys really suck at this.  They see the women THEY want; they don't necessarily always or ever see women who want THEM.

 

[mr_engineer]

2 hours ago, theleelajoker said:

Well, you want a relationship just for the sake of having a relationship? Or is the desire for a relationship pointing towards sth else? If so, what is it pointing to?

There are emotional-needs at play. Again, very different conversation from the one about happiness. 

2 hours ago, theleelajoker said:

Maybe everyone is doing it all the time, even if not fully aware of it?

There wouldn't be tons of pick-up theory micromanaging your behavior if everyone were doing it or believed that it worked. 

[mr_engineer]

2 hours ago, SeaMonster said:

I don't think it's that complicated and you should be wary of falling into a "what do I (uniquely) bring to the table?" mentality and you shouldn't look at it as a competition against other men.  Most men are simply clueless about women, so there isn't much "competition."

This is sort of a self-limiting mentality of the Fresh-and-Fit variety.  

You should just focus on being your best self and living your best life AND being aware of your environment and whether the women in your environment are interested and/or open to something.  Most guys really suck at this.  They see the women THEY want; they don't necessarily always or ever see women who want THEM.

 

Let's say you wanted to get with Scarlett Johanssen (or a Victoria's Secret model). You think there would be no competition? 

[SeaMonster]

On 12/17/2023 at 4:27 AM, mr_engineer said:

Let's say you wanted to get with Scarlett Johanssen (or a Victoria's Secret model). You think there would be no competition? 

If you want to get with a Victoria's Secret model, no offense, but you're stupid.

If you're setting your goals as "women who date movie stars and professional athletes, and in some cases historically great professional athletes" then you're not dealing in any kind of reality.  We're talking about statistical anomalies here.

People no longer deal in reality, and that's due at least partly to the influence of PUAs like Mystery all the way to FnF and Tate.

Like, men need to try focusing on what would make THEM happy as opposed to fantasy women; in virtually all cases it's a lot less than fantasy women.

Edited December 18, 2023 by SeaMonster

[Applegarden8]

I only really care about creating beautiful music, staying healthy and meditating. Maybe I will find such a crazy woman to be with, but from what I see around me it's a big investment of time, effort, arguments, sacrifices etc.

[mr_engineer]

2 hours ago, SeaMonster said:

If you want to get with a Victoria's Secret model, no offense, but you're stupid.

If you're setting your goals as "women who date movie stars and professional athletes, and in some cases historically great professional athletes" then you're not dealing in any kind of reality.  We're talking about statistical anomalies here.

People no longer deal in reality, and that's due at least partly to the influence of PUAs like Mystery all the way to FnF and Tate.

Like, men need to try focusing on what would make THEM happy as opposed to fantasy women; in virtually all cases it's a lot less than fantasy women.

That's not the answer to the question. 

[Princess Arabia]

On 12/17/2023 at 4:27 AM, mr_engineer said:

Let's say you wanted to get with Scarlett Johanssen (or a Victoria's Secret model). You think there would be no competition? 

There's competition everywhere, with all sorts and kinds. Go in the hood and try to get with the crack addict up the street with no teeth. Her hood bfs with no teeth would be chasing you across the street saying leave my bitch alone go find your own.

[SeaMonster]

1 hour ago, mr_engineer said:

That's not the answer to the question. 

There is no competition if the woman is interested in you from the get-go.

Trying to win over a woman that isn't is a losing game, no matter how much you "Andrew Tate" your life.

If you get into the mindset that there's competition, you're just installing insecurity and fucking yourself in the process.

Edited December 18, 2023 by SeaMonster

[mr_engineer]

57 minutes ago, SeaMonster said:

There is no competition if the woman is interested in you from the get-go.

Trying to win over a woman that isn't is a losing game, no matter how much you "Andrew Tate" your life.

If you get into the mindset that there's competition, you're just installing insecurity and fucking yourself in the process.

True. But, when you say 'if she's interested in 'you'', what do you mean by 'you'? 

Also, does 'interest' really mean anything? You can be 'interested' in a lot of people, right? Why should she get with you out of all the guys she'd be 'interested in'? 

[Wisebaxter]

You're so desperate for sex that you give in

Edited December 24, 2023 by Wisebaxter

[MarkKol]

Don't make dating so complicated, if you're not severely depressed and exhausted you are always ''ready for a relationship'' as stupid as that notion is. It's Intuitive, you shouldn't contemplate it.

Next thread: "When are men ready to become happy and fulfilled?"

Edited December 24, 2023 by MarkKol