TRAUMA? Peter Ralston's Got You...

[Anon212]

After graduating from college, I came face-to-face with the full scale of my traumas, which I had been unwittingly carrying all along. To be precise, it was then that I became acutely aware of the depth and impact of these traumas in my life. They were always present, subtly influencing my everyday experiences. My upbringing was exceptionally harsh, encompassing a spectrum of abuse: physical, mental, sexual, emotional, and spiritual. During college, I even underwent reconstructive surgeries, an expensive and challenging ordeal, and grappled with severe anxiety and paralyzing fears. My personal relationships were fraught with difficulties, as I continually found myself in the company of narcissists who exploited and manipulated me.

To illustrate, my college years were marked by frequent anxiety attacks. I often found refuge in bathroom stalls, where I could have a breakdown in privacy. Simple tasks like getting off a bus would trigger intense anxiety. In summary, my life felt stifling and restricted. Socially, I was isolated; the few friends I had were also deeply traumatized. My romantic life was non-existent, and my fears were so crippling that they overshadowed many aspects of my college experience.

In a desperate search for change, I turned to kriya yoga during my college years. This marked the beginning of my transformative journey. I immersed myself in various teachings, devouring over 200 books and dedicating thousands of hours to meditation. Yet, despite these efforts, I remained deeply affected by my past traumas.

After college, I set aside my career ambitions and devoted myself to healing and spirituality. This shift was possible thanks to a scholarship I had received and my decision to go on welfare. My quest for healing was comprehensive; I explored numerous approaches like IFS, CBT, talk therapy, inner-child work, and more. I also became deeply invested in spiritual growth, dedicating countless hours to meditation and following over 30 spiritual teachers, with Leo, Spira, Sadhguru, and Ralston among my favorites. However, much of the change I experienced felt superficial.

I've noticed that many people, perhaps like those on this forum, focus excessively on spirituality and trauma healing at the expense of their careers. In my view, if you don't address your traumas to a certain extent, your career goals can end up being mere reflections of those unhealed wounds. This was certainly true for me; as an extreme perfectionist, my ambitions lacked authenticity. It was only after addressing and healing many of these inner wounds that I gained real clarity. My initial goals were unrealistic compensations for my traumas, such as earning multiple black belts or achieving an ideal physique or becoming a millionaire. Thus, my intense focus on spirituality and healing post-college was not just necessary but critical for my personal development. I don't believe that I started life in reverse by prioritizing healing over career. Had I not taken this path, I would have continued to be deeply troubled and would have continue to pursue the wind.

Another key insight I've gained is that most trauma healing methods only scratch the surface; they bring about some improvement but lack the depth for radical transformation. Techniques like affirmations and nurturing your inner child are beneficial, but they often fall short of facilitating profound change. A blend of deep contemplation and spiritual work, in my experience, yields the most significant results. From the vast array of books I've read, Ralston's trilogy and Dr. Hawkins' "Surrender" stand out as particularly impactful, though I acknowledge my bias as they greatly aided my healing journey.

An essential practice for me has been "Bottom-line contemplation." This involves staying present with each emotion that arises, such as hurt, and then moving through subsequent emotions like anger, until a deeper layer is revealed. This process continues until you reach the core belief or 'bottom line'. This method doesn't follow a predictable pattern and can lead to unexpected core beliefs. For instance, you might discover a deep-seated belief of unworthiness. Discarding such a belief is akin to shedding a part of oneself. IT IS A FORM OF DEATH. This journey to the bottom line is arduous and confronting, but it is the only way to truly shake the foundations of your being and facilitate genuine change. In contrast, practices like affirmations can feel like mere band-aids, as they often don't address the root issue. After years of exploring various healing methods, I've found bottom-line contemplation to be the most effective. It's challenging, requiring focus, discipline, and bravery to confront the core beliefs that define us, but it's also the path to true transformation.

The purpose for this post is two-fold.

1) For those of you who were forced to prioritize healing and spirituality over career at a young age, don't fret, it is worth it. I just turned 24 and after three years of profound spiritual and trauma work, I am getting my finances and career back on track, I am actually starting with a finance job which isn't ideal but it is a starting point and I will work from here! My life is a lot lighter, and now I really don't care what people think, I am disinterested by competition and comparison.  The need for validation, approval or love externally has significantly fallen away and this is a powerful place to be in.

2) It is vital to heal trauma but make sure that what you are doing is working. There are a lot of traps, positive thinking, useless therapists and superficial work in general for example standing in a mirror and shouting "I love you", when you don't love yourself. Just based on my experience and after reading extensively into the matter, bottom-line contemplation is the most powerful method I have come across, there is no escape, you are going to go into the heart of your pain. This is going to be terrifying, induce some level of ego death,  and be emotionally laborious. So go slowly, be kind to yourself and don't rush this process, if your bottom-line discoveries are too shocking and unbearable, take a step back and use traditional therapeutic techniques to soothe yourself.

Would love to here your thoughts on all of this!

[gettoefl]

my trauma acrostic for the day:

t-o r-emain a-n u-nforgiving m-iserable a-ntagonist

whoever hurt you was smashing your ego to bits and if you keep withholding forgiveness you define yourself a victim for the rest of time

you are no victim, you are a vehicle through which heaven can be inhabited today

[Breakingthewall]

Great post. I'm glad to read something so intelligent, straight to the point, practical.

They put you deep into the rat maze and you found inspiration to move forward.

[CARDOZZO]

Healing is amazing but also a infinite trap because you think you need to heal all your traumas to be someone or perfect or whatever ideal you're trying to achieve.

Subtle trap.

[CARDOZZO]

I got this insight from @Razard86, thanks.

[Rafael Thundercat]

As the anti-fragility principle point : What doesn't kills you make you stronger. Unless it kills you. Trauma can lead to a path of struggles that end up making a person strong, diciplined, courageous and more. But depending of the intensity it also can lead to runing someone. Nobody grows without some sort of trauma scars is just a matter of more or less.

[Anon212]

@gettoefl

It is not about being the victim, it is about taking responsibility.

On forgiveness, I disagree so much with this. This is how you can make a distinction between a good therapist and a bad one, initially if they talk about forgiveness, then run. But if they start with anger and setting boundaries, this is good.

Premature forgiveness is a trap, a people-pleaser, caretaker or whatever other roles one is sucked into needs to learn to access their anger so that they can better learn to set boundaries. Imagine a victim of narcissistic abuse that has just gotten away from their abuser. You don't tell them about God, or forgiveness, you teach them how to access their anger and use it to set boundaries going forward, this will help break the cycle.

This is the same as telling a starving person to just get enlightened, they want food not your enlightenment. Healing is fundamental to growth.

And to your statement, "you are a vehicle through which heaven can be inhabited today", is heaven inhabited within you today? I have yet to meet someone who talks about instant enlightenment and freedom that is ACTUALLY enlightened or free or someone that achieved it instantly. The only story I recall on this is Ramana Maharshi's and also Viktor Frankyl's story but this simply does not apply to the general population.

Healing, awakening and increasing consciousness takes time. It is a process and to teach people otherwise is to deprive them access to their immediate experience which is not heaven.

[Anon212]

@Breakingthewall Thank you!

[Anon212]

@CARDOZZO I agree with you on this one billion percent. Being a perfectionist myself, I can fall victim to this. I also don't know if it is possible to be completely healed but I think it is important to be significantly healed if you have a lot of trauma.

Trauma creates a lot of dysfunctional beliefs that limits one's experience of life. If you do heal significantly, you can expect more honesty, deeper relationships, more intimacy, better communication.

Even when it comes to dating, healing is important, you are afraid to approach a hot girl not just because she is hot or that you lack confidence, it is because of deeply held dysfunctional beliefs. This was one of my biggest breakthroughs since I had a lot of trauma related to my mother. If you no longer think that you are incapable, broken or unworthy, you no longer need validation or approval nor do you fear rejection. If that is the case, what is the problem with approaching a woman? There is no problem.

But healing can definitely be a trap for example waiting to take action until you are "fully healed" or having an ideal of being perfectly healed which is definitely part of the trauma!

I think the key is significant healing -not infinite healing  

[Anon212]

@Rafael Thundercat Agreed, I heard this quote by Sadhguru "When unpleasant things happen in our lives, we can become either wise or wounded – that is our choice."

[CARDOZZO]

@Anon212 Great insights.

It is a difficult paradox because you don't know when you should "stop" healing yourself and just accept that you are now healed, perfect and abundant.

If you're complete, abundant and healed right now, why do you need healing?

If you're healing but you can accept that you're now free from trauma, why do you need healing?

I think it is an advanced paradox because you can choose to heal or not... it is a choice to accept that you are free now.

Your mind put so much importance on your trauma but at the same time is important to heal.

Can you elaborate on that @Leo Gura?

 

Edited December 13, 2023 by CARDOZZO

[Yimpa]

11 minutes ago, CARDOZZO said:

If you're complete, abundant and healed right now, why do you need healing?

If you're healing but you can accept that you're now free from trauma, why do you need healing?

I think it is an advanced paradox because you can choose to heal or not... it is a choice to accept that you are free now.

Your mind put so much importance on your trauma but at the same time is important to heal.

Change the word “heal” to “exploration”.

Explore what Consciousness is.
 

Quote

If you're complete, abundant and explored right now, why do you need exploration?

If you're exploring but you can accept that you're now free from trauma, why do you need exploring?

I think it is an advanced paradox because you can choose to explore or not... it is a choice to accept that you are free now.

Your mind put so much importance on your trauma but at the same time is important to explore.

You are free to explore Yourself in lieu of [any conditions].

[CARDOZZO]

The interesting thing is that you can create a possibility RIGHT NOW to say "I'm free" and just let it go.

It can even occur with your entire life story/past.

But at a physiology level (I'm assuming trauma affects your physiology), I don't know.

if you're waiting for someting to happen or a condition to tell yourself "YOU ARE FREE FROM TRAUMA"... maybe you're inside a trap.

[Anon212]

I think it depends on how you look at things. If there is a trauma to the body, for example a cut, there is a process of healing that takes time, white blood cells respond, platelets get together and coagulate etc...  but we are talking about trauma as it relates to the mind or ego. The ego is the one that is traumatized because it interpreted an event in a certain way and then a belief regarding itself was internalized e.g. I am not lovable, I am not worthy, I am not capable... It can relate to the world too e.g. the world is a dangerous place, people are dishonest, women are bad...  and that source beliefs leads to countless manipulations, emotions and so on.

There is definitely a process of surrender as you work your way back and this is an example of a chain; partner says something nasty --> anger --> hurt --> loneliness --> a source belief that one is unlovable. If you clip the root which is that you are unlovable, the manipulations, emotions, reactions, triggers associated with that particular belief will fall way creating a new sense of freedom and openness. I don't think (in my experience it has been like this) that the "negative" beliefs have to be replaced with anything else... it is more like a deconstructing process because worthiness, being capable, lovable and so on seem to be intrinsic aspects of life.

This definitely requires repeated hits on the bottom-line through contemplation but it is not the same as a physical wound healing. The idea of healing as a process taking time as it relates to the body may be superimposed onto healing in the mind, and while they seem similar it is not exactly the same.

In my experience if you do have trauma you live IN and AS that trauma and any spiritual investigation is also done through that lens. So if you say to yourself "I AM FREE OF TRAUMA", it is a bit like saying "I LOVE MYSELF" - even though you don't. It is just a pretense then, you are adopting another idea or condition on top that is compensatory but not deal with the issue at the source.

In essence, trauma works seems to be deconstructing a dysfunctional ego and replacing it with a functional one for optimal survival, relationships etc...

Giving up stories is powerful, but of course if your raise your consciousness, the past, future, stories, traumas, they are all gone, the question is can you stay at that heightened level of consciousness? What does it take? Lots of yoga? tripping? I don't know but in the mean time this particular bottom line method works quite well. Other things like IFS, CBT also work but the changes seem to be superficial.

[Yimpa]

Peter Ralson is the type of guy to not only traumatize you, but also tell it right to your face that he doesn’t love you 

[gettoefl]

4 hours ago, Anon212 said:

@gettoefl

It is not about being the victim, it is about taking responsibility.

On forgiveness, I disagree so much with this. This is how you can make a distinction between a good therapist and a bad one, initially if they talk about forgiveness, then run. But if they start with anger and setting boundaries, this is good.

Premature forgiveness is a trap, a people-pleaser, caretaker or whatever other roles one is sucked into needs to learn to access their anger so that they can better learn to set boundaries. Imagine a victim of narcissistic abuse that has just gotten away from their abuser. You don't tell them about God, or forgiveness, you teach them how to access their anger and use it to set boundaries going forward, this will help break the cycle.

This is the same as telling a starving person to just get enlightened, they want food not your enlightenment. Healing is fundamental to growth.

And to your statement, "you are a vehicle through which heaven can be inhabited today", is heaven inhabited within you today? I have yet to meet someone who talks about instant enlightenment and freedom that is ACTUALLY enlightened or free or someone that achieved it instantly. The only story I recall on this is Ramana Maharshi's and also Viktor Frankyl's story but this simply does not apply to the general population.

Healing, awakening and increasing consciousness takes time. It is a process and to teach people otherwise is to deprive them access to their immediate experience which is not heaven.

forgiveness is the only meaningful reaction to life ... it is a mental adjustment from i thought you could hurt me to i know you could never hurt me

forgiveness is not primarily to do with other people ... it is adjusting your mindset to the true nature of reality and the part you are playing in it

of course you remove yourself well clear from someone who will abuse you else you are sinking even deeper the abuser as well as yourself

abusers are going to abuse, it is not your mission to deal with them, your only responsibility is to your own agenda of growth evolution ascension etc.

[Breakingthewall]

8 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

forgiveness is the only meaningful reaction to life ... it is a mental adjustment from i thought you could hurt me to i know you could never hurt me

forgiveness is not primarily to do with other people ... it is adjusting your mindset to the true nature of reality and the part you are playing in it

of course you remove yourself well clear from someone who will abuse you else you are sinking even deeper the abuser as well as yourself

abusers are going to abuse, it is not your mission to deal with them, your only responsibility is to your own agenda of growth evolution ascension etc.

If you come from the dark side of life, you can only forgive when your enemies have been crushed. That's how things are, looking for shortcuts is falsehood, weakness . It's not going to work. And your first enemy is the fear, very difficult to overcome. A bit of rage could be very useful

Edited December 13, 2023 by Breakingthewall

[gettoefl]

4 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

If you come from the dark side of life, you can only forgive when your enemies have been crushed. That's how things are, looking for shortcuts is falsehood, weakness . It's not going to work. And your first enemy is the fear, very difficult to overcome. A bit of rage could be very useful

i'll keep with the light side i think ... forgiveness is HOW you crush your enemies ... the only enemy is inner-me get it?

Quote

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. — Mark Twain

 

Edited December 13, 2023 by gettoefl

[Breakingthewall]

Just now, gettoefl said:

i'll keep with the light side i think ... forgiveness is HOW you crush your enemies ... the only enemy is inner-me get it?

Not so easy. Your karma is not going to be cleared by a simple choice, it is a long road. Outside is inside, inside is outside. Everything must be equalized

[gettoefl]

2 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

Not so easy. Your karma is not going to be cleared by a simple choice, it is a long road. Outside is inside, inside is outside. Everything must be equalized

the only choice is i am a victim or i am a vessel for all to take place ... one of these lifetimes i will get tired of being a victim and realize what i am