I need advice on how to deal with shame and anxiety

[Lenny_]

Hey there, I don’t really know how to begin this. I grew up never really experiencing anxiety. After I finished school I became addicted to weed and got a psychosis that I didn’t even know I ever had until a few months ago. To me, all that I was experiencing in that time was just real. Back then I quit smoking weed and left to Australia for a year, when I came back to my old environment I suddenly experienced extreme anxiety attacks. I didn’t tell anyone about it, and started to take ashwaghanda instead. That’s a supplement meant to help with sleep and relieve stress by lowering cortisol, but I figured when I take 10-20x the recommended dose, it helps extremely well with my anxiety. Now, half a year later I’m just dependent on swallowing plenty of pills every morning and still struggle with anxiety. 

There’s one other thing that I think I can handle, but I still want to share it to not make a secret out of it any longer. I’m an exhibitionist and my mom hates those, I overheard her talking about this from time to time while I grew up. So I was (and still am) very ashamed for my sexuality, but I came out of my shell and started to engange in the local bdsm scene where I can talk open about it and not getting judged by the people there. That’s already helping me because I get positive real life feedback instead of meditating on my shame without actually making results. I haven’t told anyone about going to those events and my sexuality yet, but I’m planning on outing myself to some close friends. Now back to my anxiety. Unlike my sexuality I have nothing tangible to work on or I don’t have a clue what it is. I’m already jounaling about the time of my psychosis and trying to write down as much memories as possible. I also know, that the main emotion I relate to that time is shame. A lot of it. Taking psychedelics in higher doses is not an option for me, I can’t handle them right now, they make me suicidal. I’m curious about holotropic breathing as a tool to release emotions, but I’m also very cautious to not make things worse. I am also thinking of going to psychotherapy, I probably should but I never really admitted to myself that my mental situation is severe enough that I really need to. Do any of you have experiences with psychotherapy, does it help with emotional issues as well or only with severe mental illness? The final step that I will take but I’m still extremely afraid of, is to do an MDMA session with my parents and just radically talk about all of this because I never did so with anyone. I’m still locked up in fear right now hoping to make progress in the future. I just want to reach out with my situation, maybe some of y’all are going through similar phases or have some wisdom to share with me.

[Yimpa]

I would recommend therapy. Ideally, someone who will guide you on being autonomous, rather than seeing yourself as a helpless person who needs to be fixed.

[Devin]

 

Everyone deals with this stuff, it's a pollution in our society.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITvCEeHWXuM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9K-HA9Cb40

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNDvf0q2Xds

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZQHh7Pf480

[meta_male]

On 13.12.2023 at 2:40 AM, Lenny_ said:

I am also thinking of going to psychotherapy, I probably should but I never really admitted to myself that my mental situation is severe enough that I really need to. Do any of you have experiences with psychotherapy, does it help with emotional issues as well or only with severe mental illness?

I'd recommend IFS therapy. I had lots of shame inside me especially around my sexuality and thanks to therapy I'm a different person today.

[Yimpa]

Ultimately, you will discover that anxiety and shame are not necessary to reject or deny. You fully accept anxiety and shame while simultaneously no longer seeing it as anxiety and shame.

This realization (and it’s not just one) takes a shit ton of personal and spiritual work, so get to it!