I'm so stupid (SPOILERS TO REALIZING GOD)

[Keryo Koffa]

Imagine being god, then creating a reasonably seeming universe for life to exist in, and then creating all the fear mechanisms to keep it attached to its identity, in order not to dissolve back into you, but on the way, that lifeform doesn't appreciate that anymore because it feels disconnected and cannot see that the pain is literally the same thing that keeps it existing. And as it pulls on the string of identity to understand itself and solve its problems, it realizes it's just you and now its trying to cover its tracks being ever so grateful for its renowned sense of existence and its appreciation, you want to dissolve into ignorance in how you create the coherent stream of qualia that you interpret yourself across as the limits of your own being keeping themselves alive by distinction and boundries.

[Keryo Koffa]

God accounted for everything. It accounted for your inappreciation, it accounted for your unconsciousness. Pain and Appreciation are two sides of the same coint, but the balance always ends up 0, perfectly balanced. Every second of existence you can appreciate as an ego will be paid with equal pain and suffering as that ego. But ego is illusory, yet god creates ego out of love of wanting to be it too, but limited love is always painful, pain in the ammount of love it creates on the other side. A lot of suffering happens for you to exist in your configuration, but its fine because you're suffering for it to appreciate the difference and the value of existing at all. God simulates all that suffering, but really its just different configurations of being, and god deludes himself into being those knots without untangelling too much of himself, that's abstraction, you can intuit without needing to know the specific process. Ultimately, our egos are our own balance of how much distinction can balance itself without being self destructive on one end and too unifying on the other, since that would just be formlessness. Unconditional love is being all states and simply observing yourselves change without suffering, so the balance is maintained, or to continually fear and pain yourself into existence to appreciate the lifeforms perspective and its ever expanding understanding of self-love, self-other being, duality, non-duality, collapse, formation, understanding, being.

[Keryo Koffa]

You are ego and a holon. God is all egos and all holons. God is self-creating and self-annihilating. God is the ego and its difference from itself. God creates arbitrary forms that become egos, realizing their own interconnectedness with god and maintaining the seperation with their own suffering for as long as they can. Egos are self-contained universes, but nothing is ultimately contained, the distinction pattern is merely a long mechanism thats abstracted away so you can learn to appreciate existing, suffering and appreciating as your own self-contained holon. That holon is a seed of love and it reflects love but can only offers as much as enters it, otherwise it wouldn't be able to bear the suffering to maintain its form. We're all growing into each other, we're all god, all unity and distinction, individual and collective, a holistic system that acts to the best of its ability, to maintain itself and everything it encompasses with ever less need for suffering but suffering is love, so it just wants to channel it more consciously, for all the smaller egos to be able to hold their own weight and perpetuate their existence for as long as they desire, before leaving the seed of desire to emerge itself in a new ego discovering itself and the world from within its illusion and maintaining its sense of self to the best of current evolution mechanisms, to balance fear, love, self-destruction and self-annihilation, and it would be beautiful from the perspective of such an evolving and appreciating ego community that can bask in its own suffering and appreciate it, to grow and prosper. But all can be unconditional love anytime if an ego cannot handle its seperation, god tries to create egos that can hold their weight but every way in which it can fail and the suffering it causes has to be simulated and be appreciated too in order for that stable configuration to want to self-perpetuate and expand its sphere of ego-identity through more use of its consciousness to bear greater amounts of suffering to experience more love. Ego is love but conditional. Conditionality is a division within unconditionality. All wanting to be and exist, appreciate its own existence and suffer for it.

 

[Someone here]

Are you Razard86? 

[Breakingthewall]

15 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Are you Razard86? 

He doesn't seem Razard, I don't detect narcissism or messianic delusion here, just a guy who shares his ideas, doesn't try to teach you to become a Razardist.

[Breakingthewall]

Btw, I see it differently. God is only for the glory of being. God does not create life, it is life. It's quite different.

God is nothing without you just as you are nothing without God, because you are one. there is no separation, there is no creator, there is existence

[Someone here]

@Breakingthewall it seems like Leo has banned Razard and now he opened a new account .

The tonality and the overly analytical style is very similar. 

Idk just guessing.

[Breakingthewall]

7 minutes ago, Someone here said:

@Breakingthewall it seems like Leo has banned Razard and now he opened a new account .

The tonality and the overly analytical style is very similar. 

Idk just guessing.

How do you know that Leo banned him? 

[Someone here]

1 minute ago, Breakingthewall said:

How do you know that Leo banned him? 

Because he suddenly disappeared.  And he used to post like every single hour and was super active .

[Breakingthewall]

19 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Because he suddenly disappeared.  And he used to post like every single hour and was super active .

 

Leo never gave him a warning. It may be rather that the manic state has overcome him and he is undergoing treatment. Razard is a guy full of pain. It's a shame that he is such a liar, maybe one day he can overcome his narcissism and really open up to the truth. Can you imagine razard being humble? Seems difficult. Pity he doesn't listen to anyone who tries to show him his mistake, but maybe the miracle happens and Razard become true. If one day he can talk to someone on the same level and laugh at himself, the miracle has happened.

Edited December 11, 2023 by Breakingthewall

[Keryo Koffa]

@Breakingthewall I am self-limiting and afraid. I invent reasons not to give up my ego identity.

First it was desire to find someone to share loneliness with and not to lose these emotions until then, which yielded unbearable suffering and yet powerful love, but all the fear to mess up kept me alone regardless.

I let myself feel it. Then fear took its place through nightmare and sleep paralysis, A malicious incoherent inanimate shapeshifting unknown, and I understood my ego making itself afraid in order to avoid losing the form its attached to.

I'm also crushed by an intuited but projected responsibility. That appreciation can only spawn from equal suffering. The story that I worked forever to delude myself into being Ego and the only love existing in dissolving myself and I'm not rationing that valuable limited resource. And I don't want to create more duality just to dissolve it for love because it feels fake, but then I'll run out of the matter I live for.

But god is unconditional love, pure being and I am not that, I am lone, afraid, confused, wondering why I'm in the state I'm in and if it has any purpose, if I have a responsibility to maintain it, or if I can just go with my heart and be whatever I'd love to be. Because if it's just reality not reflecting my love back at me, then I can handle it, I want to give love and be that process. But am I not appreciating being a distinct Ego enough, is there a reason all this self-perpetuating hell exists, am I responsible for maintaining it? Do I not appreciate existing enough? Do I have to explicitly make myself suffer just to be able to love? Why am I like this?

[Inliytened1]

9 hours ago, Someone here said:

Because he suddenly disappeared.  And he used to post like every single hour and was super active .

He's not banned maybe he's taking a break.    Eventually it's impossible not to get burned out on this forum.    I'm completely burned out at this point.  You have to be approachinging it yourself.@BreakingthewallBtw I always found him to be a good guy.   Not sure why he is getting such a bad rap - to me he is just very passionate about what he has experienced.   

Edited December 12, 2023 by Inliytened1

[Breakingthewall]

@Keryo Koffa fear, the big deal. It seems that human life, among other things, is a test in which fear must be overcome. Behind fear is the glory of existence, seems that being human is a larval, incomplete state, in which fear veils true life. The only way I see is forward, break, dissolve, open.

[gettoefl]

1 hour ago, Inliytened1 said:

He's not banned maybe he's taking a break.    Eventually it's impossible not to get burned out on this forum.    I'm completely burned out at this point.  You have to be approachinging it yourself.@BreakingthewallBtw I always found him to be a good guy.   Not sure why he is getting such a bad rap - to me he is just very passionate about what he has experienced.   

winter solstice is approaching, the period of maximum exhaustion in the northern hemisphere due to the cold the dark the stress the holidays the end of year, hard to stay in one's groove and one's vulnerability is most acute, maybe our friend is resting and recharging, he brought a lot to this place and i pray he continues to

Edited December 12, 2023 by gettoefl

[Breakingthewall]

42 minutes ago, Squeekytoy said:

If you're interested, that is what Jed McKenna calls Human Adulthood.

What does he mean? That be an adult is to overcome the fear? He's right, so few could be called adults. Not easy task. 

Edited December 12, 2023 by Breakingthewall

[gettoefl]

1 hour ago, Squeekytoy said:

@gettoefl Good to see your friendly face.

hehe thank you ... hope i am not as austere as my words have me sound

when will we see yours?

Edited December 12, 2023 by gettoefl

[gettoefl]

15 minutes ago, Squeekytoy said:

Yeh your words don't sound entirely human bud. 🧐

 

As soon as I deem it prudent to put my mug on the internet without at least buying a gun first. 😘 Like our good host here.

People who say things like you are always appreciated. Not so much when you deviate from that narrow alley.

But even if I said nothing at all. Why would I ever want to be public. 🤷‍♂️

 

Del Gue: "Jeremiah, maybe you best go down to a town, get outta these mountains."
Jeremiah Johnson: "I've been to a town, Del."

 

Cheers

i propose that quality of life is depth of interaction

thus important to be all in, every flaw every wound every bias every blemish held aloft front and center

i am fine to have my head on the chopping block as a proponent of truth

like it or lump it

i do sympathise with your reticence  and i used to be fearful like this but no more

just keeping it real

[gettoefl]

44 minutes ago, Squeekytoy said:

You're keeping it real and I'm being fearful.

Owkay!

 

P.S. Can I have your credit card number please. (As a proponent of truth, of course. Since you don't mind.)

sounds like you think i am projecting and dumping on you ... fair enough, i will bid you a lovely day and leave it at that for now

Edited December 12, 2023 by gettoefl

[vibv]

6 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

Eventually it's impossible not to get burned out on this forum.    I'm completely burned out at this point.  

I'm using this forum kind of like a drug. It's awesome to indulge from time to time, but then you got to sober up and integrate what you saw.

[Keryo Koffa]

I was lost in story, makes sense, the ego loves stories and tries to prolong love by perpetuating the existence of its desire, remembering and trying to maintain it even if the substance is long gone. Unable to accept loss and let go. Distracting and perpetuating its existence in whatever way possible just to distract itself long enough to prolong the state of reminiscence it identifies and loses itself in.

But life is love, infinite self-love without attachment. You exist as part of the universe, I am not responsible to perpetuate the longing for that which passed. Remembering it is not being it. The meaning is not in the specific but my relationship to it. I am one with my ego because I miss that which made me feel loved. That's the entire meaning of existence, attaching yourself to that which makes you feel loved. But you're the one creating that feeling because everything is you. Identity is variable. It's a search for love. But you are the love and you're resisting your own self-love. There's no greater suffering than resisting your self-love. It's your only reason for being, its mirrored in everything you do. The world is love, it wants to exist. Every cell in your body, all alive matter, only wants to keep you alive, it suffers through anything and does what it can because it loves you. It doesn't expect any love back, it only loves. Every cell of your body resonates with love for you. Its your servant out of pure unconditional love. Its not aware why its this way, only that it feels right. That's how much love there is within you. The only suffering is blinding yourself to love, to being yourself.