Fear of The Unknown, I think I get it now

[Keryo Koffa]

Context: I started my psychedelic week today. I started doing psychedelics 2 months ago and had 7 profound trips so far. I spent the last month integrating and seem to naturally progress at a high pace desiring to understand the nature of mind and universe through contemplation and changing my physical life to the better as proof of understanding, diet, purpose, my room, the way I perceive and talk to others, trees themselves teach me so much, from their branching structure, to their roots, to the way they grow and interact with their environment and I'm feeling ever more love.

Fear Experience: Yesterday I arrived at my self-made psychedelic retreat, I hadn't even taken anything yet but through anticipation, excitement and going through the flow of emotions, loneliness, sadness and letting it out, then trying to understand it and when I went to sleep, maybe through my sleep schedule changing, the anticipation, and being in a hotel, and starting to accept and integrate my emotions, I had my first Nightmare in a dozen years. I posted it on the Forum. And after that I had something akin to sleep paralysis. Where I was quickly switching between an awake and asleep state and that mixed with the perception of another entity freaked me out. After the fear passed, I was more fascinated than scared though, although the fear is coming and going.

Current State of Mind: I took a small dose of psychedelics and felt full of energy, jogged to get food for the week at the supermarket and felt love all the way through, from the process of saying good morning to people, to the mere act of consciously walking, perceiving and understanding the change in body temperature, looking through the idles, getting healthy food. The reason I mention that is for you to get a feeling of the state of mind I'm in. And from this state of mind I contemplated.

Thinking about Love: So as I was walking back, I felt love for everyone and everything, so then I wondered how far that love truly goes. I imagined love as light and myself a mirror. I am the universe with infinite love but my other self is limited, I have to decide where and how to channel my love through the ego of the person I am. My ego is how I perceive myself, as much a character as every other person. And that ego is a mirror of love, it can only give as much love as it itself receives. And it is hurting.

Thinking About Fear: So in this psychedelic state of mind, will I feel no fear, be infinitely accepting and content with everything? "Let's check that theory!", I opened up Google Pictures with "scarriest images ever". I saw some distorted faces, but found those to look more hurt than scary, I thought "I can't be scared of something that sufficiently human". Then I went through some more, the images that really scared me were those of faces in the middle of being bloated, torn, or distorted and implying something behind them that can't be seen. That process of distortion through an unknown force itself behind them is what really scared me, so I thought about it. I thought about the ego. The ego is what it knows, and it identifies as a distinct part of that, the identity is flexible, stretching with ego expansion and available ressources to encompass more. The ego is a self-determined part of known reality, the more it knows and likes it, the more it identifies with it and loves it. It is afraid to die, it is afraid of that which it is not, and most of all, which it doesn't know. So then it makes sense, that the more alien the image, the less known the content, the scarier it is. If an artist draws aliens, alien plants and animals, they just look to us like a colorful, interestingly shaped new variation of what we already intuitively know, its easy to integrate it into our schema. But aliens aren't alien anymore, through sci-fi they have become just a different looking humanoid with the same psyche and thought/desire patterns. We are afraid of the unknown, alien, in a different way than danger. We can measure danger, a tiger attacking you and the fear is a reflex for flight or fight or freeze. But with an alien, unknown thing which our instinct identifies as malice, there is nothing we can do, and we're afraid of dying, but we have our own belief of death and what it means, so that's not the scary part. The scary part is us being morphed into alienness, forever being trapped in a disfigured state of mind unable to escape. That's what I used to fear as a tween, when I discovered Slender-Man and horror movies. Some media didn't scare me because it was to human-like while other made me afraid to sleep for weeks. So that's the mechanic I identify now. The worst possible thing that can happen to you, the most alien thing you can witness and being trapped inside a mind that can never make sense of it and incorporte it into its ego. I guess god can reconcile it because he is the consciousness and all that consciousness is capable of, but isn't God just a ego fully united with as aspects of itself? Can't God be afraid of something ouside its scope possibly existing? Maybe God just loves Fear too, so simply not concerned because its all Love, anything can only be love, that's probably it!

[Thought Art]

That’s a lot of trips for someone just starting out. Be careful.

[Yimpa]

On 12/11/2023 at 9:46 AM, Thought Art said:

That’s a lot of trips for someone just starting out. Be careful.

Ketamine treatment for mental health conditions is ~6 sessions in only a 1-3 month span. However, you would have a support system in place + they don’t just accept anybody to do the treatment.

[LostSoul]

@Yimpa  dosage of each session?

[Yimpa]

1 minute ago, LostSoul said:

@Yimpa  dosage of each session?

Depends on your body weight. They’ll start you on a low dose to see how you respond to it, then gradually increase it with each session until you get super mindfucked & no longer depend on the ketamine treatment.