🗣️🗯️ Jack D5 - Nomad Lyfe Journal 🚐🎭 // Raw ~ Emotional ~ Unfiltered

[mmKay]

Yup it's happening. Quick posting this to get the ball rolling.

You could say I have my LP at arms lenght. So close yet so far

YT coming soon?

 

remember this phrase : absolutely irrational blind faith

Edited January 1 by OBEler

[mmKay]

It seems I will have to strategically rely on caffeine / modafinil / armodafinil to bootstrap myself untill I chelate the heavy metals out of my brain. I have tried everything and I'm comically unproductive otherwise.

I have literally lost my teens to videogames and my early 20s to laying in bed

 

Drugs do have a higher purpose in the grand scheme of life.

If It wasn't for cocaine, crack, metamphetamine , tobacco, alcohol , penicillin and God knows what else, neither me nor my brothers would exist, but that's a story for another day.

Edited December 9, 2023 by mmKay

[mmKay]

Dis where I've lived for the last 5 months

This took actual blood sweat tears and so much more

has not been that tidy in half a year 

i have not had an actual shower in the last 8 days 🤔

 

Edited December 9, 2023 by mmKay

[mmKay]

I'm switching the direction of this journal into more of a life blog. 

 

Quick note if anyone is going to be following this journal: My writing style is pretty non linear and chaotic because my Bryan be like dat

 

Sooo one time I was chilling inside of my van balls  butt naked as it was hot AF ( mid August ) and a homeless dude lockpicked my door like an absolute pro. I was so confused I didn't even manage to yell at him, just casually  requested him to leave which he did 😬🤦

 

Anyways * clears throat* I'm deciding where to move next. For that I need to clarify my priorities and goals.

I've spent last 5 months living in my Van in Valencia Spain and it has been a  good first experience of this lifestyle. I have learned a lot about how to adjust to an extremely frugal living without basic amenities like a toilet, running water, a shower, a fridge, limited electric power, etc, and I'm still learning.

I have been an extreme money saver my entire working life but somehow  always something happens and I have to break the digital piggy bank.

Right now I have about 1k€ in the bank and I'm getting paid a small monthly ammount by the government until the end of March 2025 ( 15 months )  for having worked 6 years in a restaurant , ( my planned unemployment check breathing-room strategy)

This is literally my ONE chance of building momentum to escape Wage Slavery, even though in my case It will never be that bad again since I plan to live in vehicles for the rest of my life therefore my living expenses are to be minimal-period.

---Okay I don't want to say " never" as I may suffer a crippling accident  or extreme family emergency at any moment  😬

 

At the beginning of my drive from Marbella (home) to Valencia ( 700 KM ), my van broke down on the side of the road three times in spite of having invested a good 7K into absolutely renewing the van mechanically, specifically so such things  don't happen ( my father is a car mechanic and he had already  borrowed 3k+ from me years before  that  I didn't get back + 4k€ into actual mechanical parts). 

I'm pretty much a noob when it comes to actual repairs and maintenance. What happened was a rubber water pipe bursted multiple times but fortunately I was able to repeatedly cut the tip where it had ripped with kitchen  scissors and move the metal hose clamp and replaced it entirely when I arrived to Valencia.

 

I had planned to do this adventure way earlier , but then C*vid hit . I had saved some cash but I had to $pend around 20K + of hard saved money ( literally the fruit of my early twenties) into family stuff...

I came here with 300€ without knowing anyone besides some shallow contacts from the telegram Game Global group ( I had contacted over 40 people but less than a handful ended up responding ) . Got a job at a beach tourist trap restaurant for almost three months and eventually got fired as the summer season ended and I was THE prime candidate as I was often doing game until 7 AM-- ( initially  my only goal of moving to a " bigger city" from Marbella was to practice Game as you may have seen in my previous " Growing hair on my balls" journal)-- and my memory was absolutely terrible because of COVID side effects, severe lack of sleep and heavy metal poisoning ( Mercury and high arsenic / aluminum / nickel) which translated in comically bad service.
 

 

 

So I'm not shaving my face for the entire 365 years. I want to see how my patchy beard turns out. 

 

 

My Singing is doing good but I'm still not where I want to minimally be at. I have been documenting the last three years ( since absolute clueless noob ) in a more or less detailed way and I will eventually make a video on it.

Siging  brings me joy. It's my favorite thing to do first thing I open my eyes in the morning. I still have Sahar Galt's 200€ course on singing Ive purchased two and a half years ago that I'm procrastinating on. Do that. Download the lessons  on my phone and make it easy to access.

 

I will record myself every single day for 365 days. Little  Vlog style. It doesn't have to be complicated or special. I do have a Cannon M50, a GoPro Hero Black 7 , batteries , tripods, microphones etc that I've  bought years ago but my smartphone will do as well. Just buy a clip-on light or otherwise it's unwatchable. No need to pressure myself with uploading every day but I want to set a clear goal for subscribers over time. Maybe 20 subs in a month, then up to 50, 100, 200 etc. I've heard first 1k is toughest.

I'm doing this because I am an introvert and I spend most of my time by myself . It just fits me in so many ways but I've been procrastinating on starting YT 15 years🤦🤦🤦🤦

I feel there is so much value I can share with people it's overwhelming and it also can fill that void of lack of  hobbies, creative outlet and meaningful impact/ building speaking skills and eventually even a career.

I don't care if I don't make it ever. It just fits me. I just gotta consistently beat the sluggish hippy high I have going on from overdosing on meditation in 2018

Still writing. Sending this and having a little break. I may have to turn this into spoken vlogs because writing takes sooo long. Or at least get a keyboard for my phone.

 

 

Edited January 1 by mmKay

[mmKay]

Aight super quick upload to get channel started

Skin tone reveal at 5 subs lol

 ( taking down link in 24 hours)

Edited January 3 by mmKay

[mmKay]

Yeahhh boiii 2 subs hype. And one of them is a real life friend lol. Shooting for 10 subs at the end of this first week of January

I'm extremely optimistic about this. I can clearly see how I can make YT happen. Ofc it's about the content and not about the subscriber count. 

I plan on eventually sharing so much value for free it's impossible for this not to work

 

Right now it will just be a personal development Vlog. Documenting struggles, goals, lessons, insights, personal accountability and also mundane life. I plan to take it somewhere more nieche in the future. Writing is great. It is very precise, but my ideal medium is speaking, in front of a camara and even better, in front of people .

 

The learning curve will be steep as I tend to be overly perfectionistic. I'll try to drop that for now and learn on the go.

 

Notes to self :

Actually finish Life purpose course. I had purchased it back in 2017!!!! I've gone through it partly multiple times over the years , getting better results each time, and just recently everything came together in a pretty clear way but i've never actually finished it. It has to be done , specifically the practical steps part, so that stop dabbling and commit to a single path

 

So what I've come up with for now as far as actual life purpose goes is this :

I want to help people, mostly young men, in small groups of maxium 30 people maybe,  with personal evolution :

To build self esteem, expression ( sense of humor, physical expresion ((dancing, osho dynamic meditation, bioenergetics)) , verbal expresion ( singing, resonance, tonallity, inflexion, richness of tone ...) , spontaneity, sense of humor, confidence with girls , dealing with trauma, understanding social dynamics ... by changing their beliefs and inner game ( through speaking and writing ) ,  and real life exercises in group settings to trigger social conditioning, judgement and peer pressure .

Ultimately I see myself as doing in person workshops of 20-30 people in a Improv setting mixing playfulness, acting with personal development and trauma release.

So that's the plan.

 

Doing another post with specific actionable steps, setting a trayectory, and dealing with more mundane stuff.

[mmKay]

Private link to secret YT channel 

Oh boy. So with this lifestyle, your vehicle is everything. Out of nowhere my van won't start. Ive been In this shopping mall parking for two days brainstorming a solution.

99% sure it's the inmobizer. I have parked next to 12 Tesla chargers and it may be interfering with the key code... It turns but won't start. And if it starts it turns off. Typical inmobilizer symptoms aparentently.

May smash that thing and to bypass it with wires, or push my van down the road away from the chargers. Perhaps it would even push start. I'm interested how I'll eventually solve this.

I'll keep y'all updated.

Edited January 6 by mmKay

[mmKay]

Skin tone reveal ✅

No make up✅

Bad lighting✅

Vertical camara ✅

Comically bad quality✅

Video ends abruptly✅

Ratchet Vlog 😬

I actually recorded this for myself but ended up uploading it 

 

Doing the absolute bare minimum to build some momentum lol

Fun thing is I own actual semi profesional equipment

May use that soon 😬

Edited January 7 by mmKay

[mmKay]

So a few days ago I came back to my parents place in Malaga after being in Valencia with my campervan for half a year.

I was stranded on that parking lot for about a week. I tried troubleshooting the mechanical issue. Initially I thought it was the inmobizer so I removed it.

It still didn't start. 

Then I bridged the injection pump with the starter battery with a cable and it started!!!

Great!!

 

Just kidding. Not great.

It turned on but it was pouring diesel onto the parking lot like an open tap. It didn't want to start for  a good reason.

I took out the ignition key. It didn't stop the van.

I disconnected the battery... It didn't stop the van

This is obvious looking in hindsight because of the cable I bridged and the van being a diesel, but in the moment I did not think, I just acted.

So in a rush I cut a container with one hand to put under the van to catch some of the leak as I was calling my father to ask how the f*ck do I stop it now that it's on.

Anwser was simple, just go first gear and smash the brakes. F a c e p a l m.

 

Turns out it's a leak from the injection pump. Anywhere I'd go around in Valencia most likely it would be a 2000€ repair. Because they tell you the whole thing has to be replaced. Rarely you find someone who would mess internally with it.

I called the insurance to take my van to my house 600km away so that my father can repair it. Most likely it's a 20 bucks repair by switching some rubber gaskets.

It is supposed to arrive in a few days as they fill up the huge tow truck with 9 more cars.

I came by a 11 hour bus ride with two backpacks .

I recorded the entire story of this post irl but I feel I don't enjoy editing that kind of vlogs.

I may share it as I'm still finding my style in this YouTube world.

 

 

So why is the injection pump broken in the first place?

 

The dude at the ITV (mandatory bi-yearly mechanical check up on vehicles in Spain) revved my engine to 5k for the emissions check...

Bruh.

Initially it was running but I had intuit I was leaking fuel because of the high consumption. It must have burst at the parking lot.

Bruhhh

 

So I'm staying here for at least the end of January before I decide what do I want to do next

So that's the logistics of what happened.

 

The serious matters are deciding what the f*ck to do next. Not having a clear direction in my life is seriously having a toll on my mental health. 

Don't get me wrong. I don't think in depressed. I just seriously lack direction, passion and ambition because of a few different reasons :

I think I may have actual psychological damage from spiritual work. From contemplation of metaphysical issues.

I did get some answers back in 2018 that destroyed my motivation for life until this very day. A Dark Night of the Soul so hard I almost didn't make it

I spent my life playing videogames and have never cultivated interests outside of that world. It is still affecting my day to day life even I haven't done it in years.

Also this heavy metal toxicity makes my mind slow and dysfunctional and my body lazy.

My libido is trash, probably because of cornography. I'm staying away from that for an entire year to see if it improves it.

My actions are hindered by a severe toxic perfectionism I'm struggling to shake off, and a life long crippling deep fear of judgement that runs so deep I have still barely scratched it's surface after years of personal development work.

The more people I get to know the more ashamed I feel of being so materially behind in life, even though I understand the nature of meaning, value and purpose and am orders of magnitude ahead of the average mind

So that's the cocktail I'm dealing with.

That being said , I'm a super upbeat guy irl and even more so around people, and my emotional state baseline from -10 to 10 would be a solid constant +2

 

I look around to observe other people. What do they spend their time doing and what do they find meaningful.

I see people who get lost in drugs, competitions, video games, drama, attention seeking, chasing  status, fame, relationships, raising families...

Now that's all good and is part of the average human experience, just not what I'm looking for.

 

I'm not really motivated by a relationship with a girl, chasing sex, being wealthy, Truth and metaphysical wisdom, travelling and seeing the world, leaving a legacy, status and competition...

I'm still developing a taste for contribution and helping people. Personal development is my main focus but pretty slow with minimal motivation.

I just have this loose faith that I will find my thing... My life is just so bland right now and I dont wish such thing to anyone.

I enjoy public speaking. Speaking to the cámara. Improv comedy. Singing , Understanding personal development and the human psyche , explaining, listening to people's mental issues. I like dancing, giving massages, calisthenics ( kind of ) socializing with like minded people, pick-up for the thrill... I used to be very interested in spirituality but I kind of overdosed on that in my early twenties as I still hadn't set the foundation for my life ( I still haven't) but it has given me access to unconditional happiness on command ( temporally ) which actually further hinders my motivation lol

Writing is cool because it's as accurate as you can get with sharing your raw thoughts , in a dry unemotional way.

 

I'll do another post with more actionable stuff and some plan that I may have laid already years ago 

 

 

 

Edited January 14 by mmKay

[ZenSwift]

Following your journey. The Heavy Metal Detox Thread you made helped me a lot. 

[Miguel1]

How are you doing with your adventure?

[mmKay]

@Miguel1 thanks for checking. I'm actually doing good. I'm finishing the last part of the LP course to gain clarity and make sure I head into the right direction before I roll up my sleeves and decide what the next move is, as I mentioned in this post

I'm currently deciding if I'm going to sell my current van and convert a larger one. ( I would love to convert a box van)

Or perhaps I'll use this one for now but I'll pimp it out and make it very nice.

 

I joined Toastmasters and met lots of super interesting likeminded people. I mostly love doing the 1 min improv speeches or being the body language analyst/joke of the day

The 24 th of February I will do 5 min of stand up comedy on a open mic in Málaga ( yolo)

Im training guitar and singing daily because I naturally enjoy it even if it's not directly related with my most meaningful impact on the world

Also doing a systematic dopamine detox of my lifestyle to become less of a chimp and enjoy life more as shared in this post 

There is a tiny but real chance I get a commission for selling a house which would be an absolute game changer and my first time doing such thing. And I wouldn't have to live on 750€ welfare a month

I'm thinking of joining a golf club or something lmao to meet wealthy people. There are so many golf courses here in Marbella

Ideas?

 

Stay tuned for more

Edited February 17 by mmKay

[mmKay]

I did my first stand up ever yesterday Coming back next week

Cool to have this as my first real vid

Edited February 26 by mmKay

[mmKay]

Second set ever. I walked around a lot lmao also kinda stuttered during the first minute. Lights were bright AF again and I barely looked at the crowd

 

 

[mmKay]

First real Toastmasters speech, it's in Spanish so you may be extra confused about wtf did I do at the beginning lmao

I expected it to be way worse. I was focusing on using my hands as I'm talking, that's why I have two hair bands in the palms of my hands, kinda cool litte trick. it gives me a reward ( playfully snapping the bands in my hands ) for keeping them there. I like to think of it like how female opera singers wear corsets for training the diafragm

Also I tend to walk a lot side to side while I'm speaking, as you can see in the second stand-up video , which comes across as nervousness, but in this one the movement was way more adecuate

Slurred on my words in two or more occasions, but the pacing was decent 

Eye contact with the crowd could be way better, I looked at the ground for 60% of the speech

I was disqualified from the Spanish speech contest for my speech being 8 seconds too long lol that's what I get for making it up in a day and a half

 

Anyways the topic was too complex to cram it into 7 minutes so next time go with something light, mostly go for stories Imo, I prefer writing about more serious stuff because you can optimize clarity, but I enjoy speaking over writing

 

Edited March 7 by mmKay

[mmKay]

third set every boys. I went on stage with absolutely 0 idea of what I'll be saying for the challenge. I'm glad it wasn't absolute garbage or I'd be banned from the only comedy scene around lol

I thought I'd be giving my best shot at crowdwork but it took a little unexpected twist

delivery extra rough and slippery as everything was unprepared and unrehearsed

first time performing for 100 people as well

 

edit: Holy carp almost 10 subs dreams do come true I hope not to be too late with the first dozen sub  special special 

Edited March 10 by mmKay