Looking for advice post-Awakening

[KoryKat]

I am ADHD and I just got back from Portland Oregon, to Texas... And I've let go of some things it seems like (I felt various PTSDs and cried through them with a therapist) so I have a better hold on my Ego not intentionally self-sabotaging (more getting into self-love)...

 

So I'm noticing the Ego has full hold of me again, I tried a cold shower and glimpsed that higher Self , but I lost it within a few minutes. I can't get meditating, and I am like "What are my goals" and I'm thinking of 'saving the world' stuff and I'm trying to remember my last paradigm shifts off the awakenings (such as letting Leo be that Life-coach and focusing more on selfish interests) 

 

I have no discipline ,no structure , no morning routine... I am in a daze of forgetting my Ego, and being immersed back in it.  So like I look around at my things like "This is not my life , I just woke up in this Kory's life and it's like a pre-generated character template I'm having to use"   and like I was saying that character template has ADHD and I'm trying to come around to finding an integration between higher Self and the Ego , and getting out of Ego  (my mindfulness level has been abysmal, I can get it up to 10 minutes of mindful breathing a day tops lately)

 

I recognize the illusion fully, but my mind keeps going lazy and I'm barely popping up out of it

 

Any video suggestions of Leo's or advice? 

 

Thanks

Edited December 8, 2023 by KoryKat

[Raze]

Ego just means I, if there is a you, that’s ego, you thinking about your ego is your ego. 

[ted73104]

I don't think you are able to fix your current issue by just learning more about how the ego works or even getting a paradigm shift. I think you could consult more with your therapist about some techniques to discipline yourself and get yourself to focus on stuff that are important to you. You don't need high level stuff to fix your basic level needs.

[Shawn Philips]

Same thing happened to me years ago.

Went full enlightenment mode, weakened the ego before having all my shit together. When I run out of money I was forced to come back to the evil socio-economic matrix, and was forced to interact as an ego from duality again (work, relationships, business) and it felt like a kick in the balls.

So the lesson here is always work for economic independence first.

[ivankiss]

Grounding.