I am in literal hell

[Salvijus]

4 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

it’s not the sinking that feels like hell. It’s this sort of activity of trying to desperately pull back from sinking that is hell . And it’s not experienced as a choice like I’m the one doing that activity , it’s  happening automatically and I am living it. 

I want to correct your understanding a bit. 

First. No action is automatic. All actions are driven by something. What is driving the action to resist the sinking? What is driving the desire to maintain the little self? 

I will give you a clue. It's fear. 

Second. You can 100% overcome it. You have all the power in the universe to go beyond all fear driven bahvior.

Third. How? Simply by allowing. By becoming a master of allowance. 

Here's how it's done:

1. Become aware of fear and the resistance. YOU CAN DO THIS! 

2. ALLOW that energy with open heart and opem arms. 

3. Breathe and abide... 

4. Done. You're healed. Peace is restored and fear no longer rules your mind. Amen. 

Edited December 9, 2023 by Salvijus

[Salvijus]

@Sugarcoat you're very intelligent and smart person and you write many insightful things. But since the day I remember you, you've always had funny ideas about no self from who knows where you get these ideas lol. But these need to be corrected because it's getting out of hand in ridiculous proportions. 

Edited December 9, 2023 by Salvijus

[Guest Bazooka Jesus]

@Sugarcoat

So there is automatic resistance that you have no control over, gotcha. Now can you allow that resistance to just be there? (Spoiler alert... this is a trick question. You are already allowing it, otherwise it (and the thing that you have resistance against) would not be happening. The only question is: Are you aware of the fact that you are allowing it?)

[Yimpa]

2 hours ago, Salvijus said:

But these need to be corrected because it's getting out of hand in ridiculous proportions. 

Focus less on what is wrong with this present moment and more on how this present moment is literally being imagined by the MIND (4 capital letters means it’s important, BABY!)

[Sugarcoat]

2 hours ago, Davino said:

What is the core problem? Don't beat arround the bush, go straight ahead. WHAT IS IT? 

I’ve explained it many times now

[Sugarcoat]

2 hours ago, Salvijus said:

I want to correct your understanding a bit. 

First. No action is automatic. All actions are driven by something. What is driving the action to resist the sinking? What is driving the desire to maintain the little self? 

I will give you a clue. It's fear. 

Second. You can 100% overcome it. You have all the power in the universe to go beyond all fear driven bahvior.

Third. How? Simply by allowing. By becoming a master of allowance. 

Here's how it's done:

1. Become aware of fear and the resistance. YOU CAN DO THIS! 

2. ALLOW that energy with open heart and opem arms. 

3. Breathe and abide... 

4. Done. You're healed. Peace is restored and fear no longer rules your mind. Amen. 

. When I start to weaken the resistance is not this thing separate from me that I have a relationship to and can welcome  or not, it is more intimate than that, my being is entangled with this resistance like I am the resistance in a way  , it’s not like some sensation in the body one can relate to . It is being allowed because it is happening helplessly. It just is suffering in itself

 

 

[Sugarcoat]

2 hours ago, Salvijus said:

@Sugarcoat you're very intelligent and smart person and you write many insightful things. But since the day I remember you, you've always had funny ideas about no self from who knows where you get these ideas lol. But these need to be corrected because it's getting out of hand in ridiculous proportions. 

everything I say comes from inside me

[Sugarcoat]

1 hour ago, Bazooka Jesus said:

@Sugarcoat

So there is automatic resistance that you have no control over, gotcha. Now can you allow that resistance to just be there? (Spoiler alert... this is a trick question. You are already allowing it, otherwise it (and the thing that you have resistance against) would not be happening. The only question is: Are you aware of the fact that you are allowing it?)

Yea it is being allowed because it’s happening automatically , but its not really me allowing it because it’s not like I could ~not~ allow it . It’s just happening like this automatic mechanism, and I am intimately entangled with it. Almost like I am the resistance so intimate. It just is suffering in itself this “effort” of it trying to maintain itself and I’m sort of living that .

 

Surrender sounds absolutely lovely, but for some reason it doesn’t play out like that when I start to dissolve 

what happens instead is that something in me figured that strenuous physical exercise creates this “robustness” in the brain I don’t know how it works exactly but then the sense of self can stabilize in this and it stops this painful “activity of having to maintain itself” .
 

So it’s this very very  twisted hellish cycle of being driven to exercise but then stopping when it gets to hard etc then sense of self starts to dissolve again. 
Basically the only way out is tortureous exercise to create a robust foundation for the self to rest on, or being in this cycle for infinity. Like in this moment I feel I could dissolve any time, and what happens then I can’t know it’s like something else takes over because I lose autonomy 

It sounds bat shit crazy. But it’s actually quite simple in theory it’s this cycle of self trying to maintain itself and build itself .  And when I weaken it’s like something deeper in me drives my behavior so I can’t say in this moment “I won’t do that” because I won’t really be there to make a choice. 

 

 

Edited December 9, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[Sugarcoat]

8 minutes ago, Squeekytoy said:

@Sugarcoat Don't let anyone gaslight you.

Nothing from the outside affects my experience , and all I’m saying is coming from the inside and my own description and nothing can really change that, but tnx anyways. I’m just interacting. 
 

but it has truly been hellish these last weeks, and whatever self I have now, I just know in some days I can’t tell how long it will weaken and hell is back again

 

Somwone Mentioned the woman you mentioned. People have different experiences and mine is that nothing from the outside really changes mine so no info really unfortunately…

[Merkabah Star]

10 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

I am in such a deep hell my mind cannot grasp it.

its like I barely exist and the way to existence is an incomprehensible amount of physical resistance - basically torture

and in the other direction we have dissolving - the more you dissolve the stronger this horrendous ~automatic~ activity of trying to maintain itself gets- and the less autonomy you have so something deeper in your brain drives you to try to preserve you.

so its this cycle. Hell in both directions

 

i cannot possibly phantom this. This tiny little self I have now; I know that it will sink , and what happens then is not up to me because I’m barely there at all

Go back to the non awake state, the dream, the world before. 
 

anyone who has had an awakening knows they can go back to the dreamscape. It’s easy. 
 

start taking control of what you are experiencing. 
 

if you sit in a meditation space and breathe meditation type breathing for a minute or two, say take me back to the world I was in before this “awakening”. You should just glide back. 
 

maybe you are stuck in a void space. Not really in the love One infinite space. You didn’t get there this time. Go back and work on your process more and leave this void. You can make commands to your true self. Start owning it, stop being a balloon blowing in the wind. 

Edited December 9, 2023 by Merkabah Star

[Osaid]

11 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

This is deeply neurological . It’s beyond psychological. I am almost 100% certain what I’m talking about can be seen on a brain scan 

It’s more fundamental than thinking

the weaker the sense of self the more hollow thoughts seem and vice versa. 
 

the sense of solid center “I am here” is more fundamental then any sort of mind identification it’s the most fundamental thing to your reality 

my experience is of being extremely extremely vague and “forward” in the skull like almost no distance to what I’m looking at.
everything seeming barely real and flat.

And the only thing having an affect on this is physical resistance. Because when you push against resistance in exercise sense of self is produced and as a consequence it gives rise to all of reality- literally the 3D ness of reality increases when sense of self increases. That’s basically how it functions this process. And the stronger resistance the more sense of self and all of reality as a consequence . This was a horrendous discovery that my brain discovered through direct experience 

the brain does everything it can to preserve the sense of self and I am the sort of a victim of that process. I cannot stop this attempt at maintenance.

i have noticed this pattern, the weaker my sense of self gets, the more thoughts about torturous physical exercise.

 

Imagine you are walking around almost completely headless and flashing before your eyes every single second is visualization of extreme physical exercise , you even dream about it at night sometimes 

basically the brain showing you what you need to maintain and build yourself up. 
 

Is there a choice to not do like these thoughts? The sense of self is so weak that it’s like something deeper in me that is trying to preserve me drives me towards the exercise so no. I know it sounds crazy

but the problem is that when the exercise gets hard that’s when the choice comes in and ofc I stop because it’s painful. 
 

but then the consequence is that the sense of self produced is so weak it will dissolve again and this cycle continues 

You can’t relax into the void because I am the very activity that’s trying to maintain itself there’s not autonomy there to let or not let it happen it’s being done 

 

 

I believe you when you say it isn't purely mental, looks like something more physiological. Get it checked by some professional that can try to measure it.

I find it ignorant to disregard professional help or medication, because chemicals can in fact change your state of being. If you are genuinely experiencing a "sense of self" beyond mentally-induced torture, that is biological in the same way that touching a stove and experiencing pain is biological. Uncomfortable sensations do exist and they can be mediated.

Edited December 9, 2023 by Osaid

[Princess Arabia]

28 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Nothing from the outside affects my experience , and all I’m saying is coming from the inside and my own description and nothing can really change that, but tnx anyways. I’m just interacting. 
 

but it has truly been hellish these last weeks, and whatever self I have now, I just know in some days I can’t tell how long it will weaken and hell is back again

 

Somwone Mentioned the woman you mentioned. People have different experiences and mine is that nothing from the outside really changes mine so no info really unfortunately…

You might have had a massive awakening that the body/mind wasn't ready for. Upgrading your nervous system may be needed to balance things out. Based on your responses here, and I could be wrong, seems like you have quite a closed mind that is rebutting a lot of suggestions from others. You keep saying it's not on the outside. You have been living your life and have constructed your egoic mind from circumstances on the outside and the inside is reacting to these outside stimulants. They work on a synergistic level. One cannot exist without the other. So please stop discounting suggestions that are related to things outside of you. Might be the help that is needed. Just saying,

[Princess Arabia]

13 minutes ago, Squeekytoy said:

That's the illusion.

What's the illusion.

[EnIightenment]

2 minutes ago, Squeekytoy said:

@Sugarcoat There have occasionally been others here with similar experiences.

They have since left the forum.

FYI

Interesting.

Any idea where they might have gone?

[Yimpa]

I just wanted to say that I’m sorry if some of my previous replies may have come off as insensitive. I was not being sensitive towards the pain that you’re going through right now and was only thinking about myself. Please know that we’re all here for you as you’re going through this painful process.

[Carl-Richard]

 

[Osaid]

Mental illness and spirituality converge, of course. You can go about fixing it in a "spiritual" way or perspective, or something more scientific, both try to deal with the same problem. Enlightenment or no self is really unrelated though. Anything prior to genuine realization is basically limbo and has infinite variety in suffering or delusion.

Edited December 10, 2023 by Osaid

[Carl-Richard]

1 hour ago, Osaid said:

Enlightenment or no self is really unrelated though. Anything prior to genuine realization is basically limbo and has infinite variety in suffering or delusion.

True, but in another sense, to separate life prior to genuine realization from the realization itself (certainly in a way that avoids responsibility, care or concern for those who are suffering), is equally madness.

Edited December 10, 2023 by Carl-Richard

[Osaid]

3 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

to separate life prior to genuine realization from the realization itself

Yeah separating life from life tends to not work.

[Carl-Richard]

6 minutes ago, Osaid said:

Yeah separating life from life tends to not work.

😅