I am in literal hell

[Sugarcoat]

28 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

@Sugarcoat Try a few grams of feclonine or tens of micrograms of LSD. That's not spiritual, it's rationalizing by reversing cause and consequence.

Trust me.

Nothing from outside can help me in this. 

[Sugarcoat]

1 hour ago, Carl-Richard said:

Learn to tighten the left side of your abdomen perpetually every hour of the day, in a way that is uncomfortable but not unbearable. Sit, walk and stand with a sub-optimal posture (slightly crouched over), eat big meals and over-eat slightly (not junk food though, real food). Constantly distract yourself with something (your phone, computer, etc.).

I have naturally over ate, distracted , bit the f out of my nails recently, but it doesn’t help because what I’m going through is so all encompassing that it encapsulates all those experiences and can’t be shook

[Carl-Richard]

2 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

I have naturally over ate, distracted , bit the f out of my nails recently, but it doesn’t help because what I’m going through is so all encompassing that it encapsulates all those experiences and can’t be shook

Well, that is what worked for me, sort of. It took about 3 years before I stabilized more in a separate sense of self and I could wean myself off the aforementioned techniques, but no earlier than last week, I had a deep "relapse" episode where I almost panicked and had to ground myself again using the techniques. But that has become increasingly rare (or at least, I've become used to dealing with it, using the techniques I discovered/invented).

Anyways, when it comes to you and where you are now (early in the process), you just have to be consistent, especially with the abdominal tightening technique. That is your main anchor. Just trust in it and try it out for a while. You found out that working out creates some resistance which helps you regain a sense of self. Well, the abdominal tightening is a way to create a persistent type of resistance which doesn't require a lot of work. In fact, overtime, it becomes fully automatic or unconscious, and you will have to consciously relax it for it to stop (which I could see becoming somewhat problematic for me in the future, but oh well).

I chose this route because I believe that I had a lopsided approach to spirituality and overdid it on the meditation and didn't work on other aspects of my character. So when I actually did start to dissolve my sense of self quite consistently (and eventually spontaneously), I started to run into this resistance, which I think can be worked on (if not solved) through "burning karma" so to speak, living life as a human and exhausting various desires and drives, until maybe one day, I see no other choice but to surrender.

I don't think this is the only viable route for a person in this situation, but at least it can spare you of a lot of suffering if you need some time to consider what you want to do.

Edited December 7, 2023 by Carl-Richard

[Schizophonia]

2 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

Nothing from outside can help me in this. 

This is a big mistake.

[Schizophonia]

@Carl-Richard What do you call “sense of self”? I don't understand much of your references, lol.

[VeganAwake]

2 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

Here it works differently . Very differently. 

So as I said before, the weaker the self the less choice so something moves me to do something, trying to maintain itself, continuous cycle. Very odd I know. I don’t understand it myself. It doesn’t make sense . I cannot possibly phantom what I am in

Gotcha,

Back in 2018 here it was like a disruption or starvation of energy to this self illusion. It was almost like it was backlashing and very irritable at times. 

It's just energy doing what energy does. But there's no one doing it.

Very curious to see how you feel in the next couple months, keep us posted and thx 4 sharing 😊 

❤️ 

 

[Sugarcoat]

39 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

Well, that is what worked for me, sort of. It took about 3 years before I stabilized more in a separate sense of self and I could wean myself off the aforementioned techniques, but no earlier than last week, I had a deep "relapse" episode where I almost panicked and had to ground myself again using the techniques. But that has become increasingly rare (or at least, I've become used to dealing with it, using the techniques I discovered/invented).

Anyways, when it comes to you and where you are now (early in the process), you just have to be consistent, especially with the abdominal tightening technique. That is your main anchor. Just trust in it and try it out for a while. You found out that working out creates some resistance which helps you regain a sense of self. Well, the abdominal tightening is a way to create a persistent type of resistance which doesn't require a lot of work. In fact, overtime, it becomes fully automatic or unconscious, and you will have to consciously relax it for it to stop (which I could see becoming somewhat problematic for me in the future, but oh well).

I chose this route because I believe that I had a lopsided approach to spirituality and overdid it on the meditation and didn't work on other aspects of my character. So when I actually did start to dissolve my sense of self quite consistently (and eventually spontaneously), I started to run into this resistance, which I think can be worked on (if not solved) through "burning karma" so to speak, living life as a human and exhausting various desires and drives, until maybe one day, I see no other choice but to surrender.

I don't think this is the only viable route for a person in this situation, but at least it can spare you of a lot of suffering if you need some time to consider what you want to do.

Something in me came to the conclusion that I have to put myself through as much of resistance as I possibly can in physical exercise and that that is my ~only~ way to existence altogether. This is very very real. All my life I have been guided by my own mind in this process and it never lies. In the way you discovered those techniques my mind just understood immediately what I need to do and that is literal torture. I have no way out of this. In this very moment I have this extremely weak sense of self that is protecting me from slipping down into this void where something drives me towards the resistance and I fall into this inevitable absolutely miserable cycle. In the deepest void my head this one time would spasm from the unease. I will literally dream about exercise during the night this is no joke. I know I sound crazy but trust me I’m not. As I said I have had telepathy and various stuff ,awakening at 20 yo, .

 

I’m extremely unique . This body mind that I was born into is so absolutely extreme it scares me to my core. It took me 20 years to burn through all these layers of mind and to open up my system, and now it’s telling me to absolutely torture myself to do the opposite as my only way to anything at all and I’m currently in my biggest possible imagingable nightmare 

Edited December 7, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[Sugarcoat]

7 minutes ago, VeganAwake said:

Gotcha,

Back in 2018 here it was like a disruption or starvation of energy to this self illusion. It was almost like it was backlashing and very irritable at times. 

It's just energy doing what energy does. But there's no one doing it.

Very curious to see how you feel in the next couple months, keep us posted and thx 4 sharing 😊 

❤️ 

 

Either I make myself out of this which I just cannot possibly phantom being possible  or I dont know what the alternative could be. 

[UnbornTao]

I hear you making stories up. What are you experiencing for real?

Edited June 18 by UnbornTao

[Sugarcoat]

6 minutes ago, UnbornTao said:

I hear you're making up a bunch of stuff.

What are you experiencing?

I understand someone would think that which is fine to me, doesn’t affect what I’m going through at all. Everything I said is me trying to describe it to the tea. I wish I was not born into this body mind . In this moment I have this weak sense of self so I’m able to write this without being 100% gone but I know it will dissipate soon

Edited December 7, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[Carl-Richard]

1 hour ago, Schizophonia said:

@Carl-Richard What do you call “sense of self”? I don't understand much of your references, lol.

The thing that is the focal point of your experience before ego death, which disappears during ego death, and which returns after ego death.

[Sincerity]

Sorry to hear that. Hope You feel better soon.

[Yimpa]

20 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I wish I was not born into this body mind . In this moment I have this weak sense of self

Me too. It took me decades to come to this realization. But it’s not about wanting to end myself. It’s about finally taking ownership of my life and connecting to my more authentic and true self. 

[Sugarcoat]

2 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

Me too. It took me decades to come to this realization. But it’s not about wanting to end myself. It’s about finally taking ownership of my life and connecting to my more authentic and true self. 

All this time I thought that at the other side of all that resistance being dissolved I would connect to this best self but no it has to be created in this way I described  it will not appear by itself…Jesus what has my existence arrived at I cannot phantom it there is no escaping this

Edited December 7, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[Sugarcoat]

3 minutes ago, Sincerity said:

Sorry to hear that. Hope You feel better soon.

Thanks , although I have no hope 

[Carl-Richard]

2 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

Something in me came to the conclusion that I have to put myself through as much of resistance as I possibly can in physical exercise and that that is my ~only~ way to existence altogether.

It might very well seem that way to you now (it used to be like that for me as well), but I would still recommend trying it out. When you're in the state you're in, change might seem like an impossibility, but take it from somebody who has experienced a change (and continue to "benefit" from it, in the sense that it achieves what I want it to achieve). Exercise is an extreme and short-lasting way of inducing resistance, while tightening your stomach slightly (the left side) is a more mild and persistent way of inducing resistance. If you find out it really doesn't help in the slightest, consider looking up "dealing with unwanted spiritual emergencies" and use some of their advice. They will give similar advice to the other techniques I mentioned, but not the abdominal tightening technique (from what I've read), and I believe it's the most effective technique when you learn how to do it right (which you do through trial and error), and I think it will be like that for you as well by the virtue of the fact that you're currently relying on another technique that induces resistance through physical means.

Edited December 8, 2023 by Carl-Richard

[Sincerity]

5 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Thanks , although I have no hope 

Stick through. Life beats You down sometimes and it sucks, but it gets better.

It feels hopeless and like there's no escape from your condition, but that just isn't true. Change always prevails and You are always pulled from the darkness, sooner or later. A serious commitment to awareness helps & speeds the process.

Edited December 7, 2023 by Sincerity

[Sugarcoat]

 

3 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

It might very well seem that way to you now (it used to be like that for me as well), but I would still recommend trying it out. When you're in the state you're in, change might seem like an impossibility, but take it from somebody who has experienced a change (and continue to "benefit" from it, in the sense that it achieves what I want it to achieve). Exercise is an extreme and short-lasting form of inducing resistance, while tightening your stomach slightly (the left side) is a more mild and persistent way of inducing resistance. If you find out it really doesn't help in the slightest, consider looking up "dealing with unwanted spiritual emergencies" and use some of their advice. They will give similar advice to the other techniques I mentioned, but not the abdominal tightening technique (from what I've read), and I believe it's the most effective technique when you learn how to do it right (which you do through trial and error), and I think it will be that for you as well by the virtue of the fact that you're currently relying on another technique that induces resistance through physical means.

Thanks for your kindness I really wish it was like that. In the beginning when I didn’t yet understand what it was about I did this very very light exercise that was so light I could do it for over 10 hours straight. I did it several evenings in a row, and it didn’t do anything except very minimum short lasting effect afterwards. 
 

one plank until exhaustion did more than all of that, 

 

something in me has now understood that it is truly the intensity it is about, miserably enough. 
 

it’s the only way to produce a sense of self.  I have no choice in this cycle, as I said when I slip down into the void it doesn’t feel like I am driving my steps and I’m driven towards the resistance, but then I stop when it gets too much because it hurts, then I’m stuck in this loop ..

[Sugarcoat]

5 minutes ago, Sincerity said:

Stick through. Life beats You down sometimes and it sucks, but it gets better.

It feels hopeless and like there's no escape from your condition, but that just isn't true. Change always prevails and You are always pulled from the darkness, sooner or later. A serious commitment to awareness helps & speeds the process.

The way it works for me is just something completely different 

[Sugarcoat]

I know it all sounds crazy. But I just happened to be born into a very unique body mind, not my choice.