She said: "my money is my money. Your money is our money."

[Thought Art]

@Princess Arabia Hey, let me work through this. I’m pretty sensitive both around dating and relationships and money. I sense I’m rather immature in both areas. 
 

I found the girl very beautiful. She was from Nigeria and I actually felt like we could be good friends maybe even date. It was alright. But, I never had a girl ask for an Uber to be paid for by me and … I honestly thought maybe I cant afford her and defensively stormed alway. I didn’t want to be looked at as broke. 

Being rejected because I’m broke hurts as a man. So, I rejected her before it could happen.

It really offended me that was the first thing she said when the movie was over. I don’t know why. I just felt such a strong ICK!!!!’ Fuck no. I’m out.
 

Byron Katie!!!!! Haha, I’ve got work to do.

 

Has me questioning my character and man hood honestly. I just, I’m still a bit sore in this area. 

Edited December 5, 2023 by Thought Art

[Thought Art]

I feel bad because I actually do like her. Anyway.. next

[Twentyfirst]

            

 

Edited December 5, 2023 by Twentyfirst

[Thought Art]

@Leo Gura

Leo, what’s your opinion on this. Am I retarded?

[Princess Arabia]

18 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

@Princess Arabia Hey, let me work through this. I’m pretty sensitive both around dating and relationships and money. I sense I’m rather immature in both areas. 
 

I found the girl very beautiful. She was from Nigeria and I actually felt like we could be good friends maybe even date. It was alright. But, I never had a girl ask for an Uber to be paid for by me and … I honestly thought maybe I cant afford her and defensively stormed alway. I didn’t want to be looked at as cheap. 
 

It really offended me that was the first thing she said when the movie was over. I don’t know why. I just felt such a strong ICK!!!!’ Fuck no. I’m out.
 

Byron Katie!!!!! Haha, I’ve got work to do.

 

Has me questioning my character and man hood honestly. I just, I’m still a bit sore in this area. 

That's a mature way of dealing with it and you will learn about yourself and your fears in the process. Your feelings of self-worth is the issue not her asking to pay for an Uber. I always now, since I've become more aware, look inside myself to see why was I triggered. Life is about learning and that incident is showing you your feelings about your self-worth not about her thinking she's got tits and ass. 

We are abundance, life is abundant, even abundance of scarcity and lack. You are God trying to become God. God is showing you that you are not in lack of anything by you becoming triggered by that. You are like that kitten whose afraid of love until it warms up to you. You are afraid of God's love and God is trying to show you, by your triggers how to go deep within and work on your feelings of lack. 

Don't want to turn this into a Spiritual teaching but it's all connected. Life is not about the dating, the sex, the beautiful girl etc, it's about knowing thyself and loving thyself. Those superficial things are just ways and means and carry with them experiences to show you the way. The contents doesn't matter. What counts is the knowing who you are. Every experience carries with it the potential for realizing God. Not just a psychedelic trip or meditation. It all does. That's the beauty of mundane life. 

Edited December 5, 2023 by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

17 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

@Leo Gura

Leo, what’s your opinion on this. Am I retarded?

He's the one that got you here in the first place. Do not listen to all of Leo's dating advice. Some. The self -improvement parts are a gold mine and other things unrelated to the women themselves. You have to understand every guy is unique and if you go against your heart you will fail at this.

He says, to let the women invest in you first which can be taken to mean different things. You're saying you're the prize when you have issues and insecurities about feeling loved for who you are because it wouldn't matter what she asked, for you felt triggered not by her asking but the fact you can't afford it. You are just trying to convince yourself of that prize notion because if you truly felt that way, you wouldn't feel the need to reinforce it by saying it. 

 

[Thought Art]

This is for me to work on and address in private. Because of my anger around this situation I sense I’ll say things which I regret.

As you read my comments shared here to not take them at face value for how I feel about women. 
 

I love women, and have a deep respect for them. 
 

I am just working through my shit around what’s fair, what’s dating all about?

Edited December 5, 2023 by Thought Art

[Leo Gura]

@Thought Art If you wanna be cheap, then choose cheap places for dates, like ice cream shops. Don't invite girl to expensive place and then ask her to pay.

Some of you guys here are just cheap bastards. Part of becoming a good man is developing generosity.

Whiney men are not good men. If you are whining over $20, that's cringe.

Edited December 5, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, ivankiss said:

Is all hope gone?

You are way over-generalizing.

No girl has ever said that to me.

[ivankiss]

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You are way over-generalizing.

Yeah, fair point.

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

No girl has ever said that to me.

Well one just said it to me a couple of days ago. Word for word. And I believed her.

[Thought Art]

@Leo Gura 20$ is fine

I hadn’t been to a movie in awhile. They are pricey. 
 

I had spent 60-70 on this date and it was fine. (Not really fine) But, asking for the Uber was too much for me. I chose the movies for the date, I was willing to buy tickets and popcorn. 
 

But, the Uber thing and the way she said it. I just got an ick. 
 

I’m not whining. I’m in early phases of self reflection and gaining understanding.

But, I just need more experience and that’s why I’m opening up with you all here. 
 

Edited December 5, 2023 by Thought Art

[Thought Art]

@Princess Arabia Sorry for how I was speaking in this thread. There is pain and insecurity in my words and actions. 
 

I want to be a good man, a good lover and partner. I’ve got work to do.

[Leo Gura]

@Thought Art Some girls will definitely try to use you. You gotta be wise to that. But otherwise don't be too cheap.

[Javfly33]

@ivankiss btw, was this a girl from latin America? women from those countries usually give more value to money, especially if you are a guy well economically positioned. She might see you as an asset

[Thought Art]

@Leo Gura Okay, I’ll now add this to my monthly budgeting. I will relax a bit. 
 

This girl was using me. But, most girls do not. 

Edited December 5, 2023 by Thought Art

[Leo Gura]

44 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

Well one just said it to me a couple of days ago. Word for word. And I believed her.

So what? One girl could tell you she has a dick. And it might be true. But you don't build your view of women off of that.

Edited December 5, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Thought Art]

1 minute ago, Javfly33 said:

@ivankiss btw, was this a girl from latin America? women from those countries usually give more value to money, especially if you are a guy well economically positioned. She might see you as an asset

True, 

If you make 150,000 and she makes 50,00… I can see myself being more flexible. But, I would still have boundaries. It’s not all her money. A conscious conversation needs to happen. 

[Javfly33]

13 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

True, 

If you make 150,000 and she makes 50,00… I can see myself being more flexible. But, I would still have boundaries. It’s not all her money. A conscious conversation needs to happen. 

btw, in your case with that girl, with what excuse she asked you to pay for her cab fare? That Seems insane to me. The popcorn and tickets I don´t see it weird, if you proposed the plan, imo is normal you pay for it. (Kinda if I invite a girl for a hiking trip and we have to arrive by car, im not going to ask her for money for gas )

But the cab fare is crazy. Maybe you asked her to go in a cinema very far from his home?

Edited December 6, 2023 by Javfly33

[Thought Art]

@Javfly33 I don't know. As far as I know she was close by. 

Some girls, are like that. Ask Princess Arabia.

She is also Nigerian, I wonder if there are different cultural expectations etc.

All I know is that it turned me off.

I was, relatively cool with paying for the date though I didn't budget for it. But, thought it was worth it. I wanted to get to know her, get my dating experience, etc...

You could tell by her attitude she felt sort of entitled. 

I don't wanna trash this girl in my mind anymore. In fact, I need to do that work on it.

Edited December 6, 2023 by Thought Art

[ivankiss]

27 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

So what? One girl could tell you she has a dick. And it might be true. But you don't build your view of women off of that.

Except that I've been dating this woman for a year, she lives with me rent free, drives my car while I work... and yeah, she's currently has no income. She studies and she teaches English, basically for free.

I was completely fine with things, until she brought up some of her reasonings and laid out a few things very bluntly. I don't really feel like she's using me. She has money sitting around... but she'd much rather spend my money than hers. That's clear as day.