What is 'the healthy response' to unsolvable personal problems?

[k-ahmadzadeh]

Dear forum members,

I would like to get your opinions regarding the healthy response to unsolvable personal problems that significantly decrease your capability to achieve your main life goals. What is the method of a psychologically healthy response?

It seems to me that ultimately, we don't have significant power over most of the things in our lives. I think everything happens 'to us' as opposed to the assumption that we are the ultimate creators of our lives. We can think about unsolvable health problems, the deaths of loved ones, not having access to opportunities to make things better, and so on. In this case, my question can be articulated in this way: 'How can we stay calm and confident and not fall into depression when facing the problems that ruin our lives'. In my opinion, I don't believe that there is a solution to this. But maybe you have different outlooks.

I have been depressed for years and started taking antidepressants one month ago. But I recently experienced a strict side effect, so it seems that I will not be able to continue to take medication, which started to work in a mild degree. So, I feel helpless in the face of my inability to overcome the psychological problems. Therefore, I am curious: what would be a healthy psychological attitude to such unsolvable problems?

I don't seek motivation or encouragement, but I would like to get a intellectually well-developed argument as an answer to my question.

Thank you for your attention! 

[LastThursday]

When it comes to bad mental health having a healthy psychological attitude is actually the solution or end goal. So how do you achieve the contradictory goal of a healthy psychology using an unhealthy psychology? I'd say that's very difficult.

One answer is to become aware that your own bad mental health varies throughout the day and the week. There a good days and bad days. This should be a flag that shows you that bad mental health is not a fixed entity. And that should give you hope that bad mental health can actually be changed for the better.

The other thing to be aware of is that the mind and body form one system, one thing affects the other in a reciprocal relationship. Even if it's difficult to think your way out of depression, it can be a lot easier to keep the body healthy. Eat properly and exercise well, get enough daylight and get enough sleep, meet people regularly. This requires some amount of consistent discipline - but discipline itself can be good for depression. There's often an element of helplessness to depression and self-discipline directly confronts this.

A lot of bad mental health is caused by negative ideation and rumination - especially depression. It can be extremely difficult, but becoming aware of the triggers of negativity can help in overcoming them. Also the obvious routes of therapy and working through past traumas can help immensely. The point is that being helped by others can be an easier road to take, than trying to solve your problems alone. It's completely possible to eliminate the worst negative thoughts. It's completely possible to love yourself and have a good self-image. It's completely possible to solve a lot of the problems in your life.

Staying calm and confident requires you to learn to be calm and confident even in the middle of ruin. That requires a certain amount of detached awareness of what is going inside and outside of you. Meditation and self-enquiry can be helpful too.

[Princess Arabia]

When one problem gets solved another gets created. Life is endless problems. Why is this. That's what drives the mind. Problem solving. Without it, it gets lazier and lazier. Stop seeing problems and start to see solutions. Work from the top down.

[k-ahmadzadeh]

@LastThursday

This is magnificent response. I can summarize your point of dealing with depression as the 'war' in which one strategically mobilizes all of his resources in order to achieve the best possible mental condition.

I also liked the point that having a healthy psychological attitude is actually the solution or end goal. 

In fact, I am trying to use this holistic method, so it keeps me from falling into major depression. But the underlying sadness persists and I can't overcome from it. Sadness increases the feelings of hopelessness which in turn decrease the motivation to fulfil my tasks. When unsolvable or difficult problems persists, it becomes harder for me to stay motivated in achieving long term objectives. I mean it significantly decreases my capacity of patience. Additionally, the overall mental situation leads me towards to the nihilism so that it is harder for me to find aesthetical or philosophical principles as valuable things to which I can devote myself. Having ideology is empowering thing, but strangely, I've lost my values. 

Nevertheless, it seems that I should continue to force myself to battle with depression. 

[Princess Arabia]

6 minutes ago, k-ahmadzadeh said:

Nevertheless, it seems that I should continue to force myself to battle with depression.

Sorry, but this is a part of the problem right there, you probably won't get this but saying you are "battling with depression" will cause you to lose the fight. You cannot battle with depression. Depression is depression. It's its own entity. Why are you battling with it. What are you trying to change. You are trying to change depression into what it's not. Go ahead and keep battling until you give up when you realize you are battling with what doesn't exist. Only God exist. God isn't depression. God is Love

Edited December 4, 2023 by Princess Arabia

[k-ahmadzadeh]

@Princess Arabia Thank you so much for your attention! 

I am sorry, but it seems that our understanding of reality is very different. I am materialist and don't believe in a God. 

[Princess Arabia]

9 minutes ago, k-ahmadzadeh said:

@Princess Arabia Thank you so much for your attention! 

I am sorry, but it seems that our understanding of reality is very different. I am materialist and don't believe in a God. 

Your loss. Take care. Hope you realize soon before your depression goes too far. Just so you know it is you. I remember you when the last time you came here for advice on confidence, now it's depression. You have infinity to figure it out. 

Edited December 4, 2023 by Princess Arabia

[LastThursday]

42 minutes ago, k-ahmadzadeh said:

I can summarize your point of dealing with depression as the 'war' in which one strategically mobilizes all of his resources in order to achieve the best possible mental condition.

If that narrative helps to motivate you then use it. I would see it in a similar way, but less of a war and more of a balancing act. You want to stack all your resources both mental and physical onto the "positive" side of the scales, to counteract (and outweigh) the heaviness on the "negative" side.

When you lose your motivation or values, then you need to build up simple habits that you can do daily, without too much thought or effort. This will at least keep you from sinking lower. And it helps stack things on the positive side. This can be as simple as walking every day, painting, making good food, treating yourself, making plans with others, looking after a plant or a pet etc. But things you can do regularly and enjoy and fit with your lifestyle.

50 minutes ago, k-ahmadzadeh said:

But the underlying sadness persists and I can't overcome from it.

It's definitely possible to overcome it. There may be reasons for that sadness and having therapy can help you overcome it. I don't know your history so I couldn't recommend anything specific. Maybe's there's unresolved trauma, or negative patterns of thinking, or something physical, or there could even have been a single trigger in the past. But you should try and uncover it, even if just to know what you're dealing with.

[universe]

The most healthy thing is always Self-Love.

Try to find ways in which you can further your practices (meditation, letting go, contemplating) in a way that is most suitable to you. Go to the core. There is a presence which is unchanging. Ground yourself in that.

[Yimpa]

17 hours ago, k-ahmadzadeh said:

Therefore, I am curious: what would be a healthy psychological attitude to such unsolvable problems?

Literally by breaking free of your current structure. Everything that you are passionate about actualizing is likely impossible from the current structure you’re living in. You may not even realize what you are longing for from your current structure!

Leo has a great episode on this to get your gears turning:

 

[Carl-Richard]

Natural things like grieving the death of a loved one, which is truly unavoidable, can only be dealt with by not being afraid to feel the grief, and to go where your mind wants to go, and accepting that. Then over time, given authenticity, given emotional openness, it works itself out. But this assumes that your life has a fundamental level of stability to begin with (that you have some sources of resilience, e.g. a community, a family, a social network). If there is a fundamental unstability in your life that is truly unsolvable, then the only "way out" is "up" (self-transcendence), i.e. spirituality. But there is a Catch-22, because you cannot engage in spirituality without at least some fundamental sense of stability, albeit relatively less in this case. And there are solutions there (for example joining a monastery). Also, on the flip side, a relative level of instability can serve as a powerful catalyst for spirituality. I can speak from my own experience, as I found spirituality while my life was spiraling out of control in a more individual psychological sense, all the while I still had a strong support network around me. Nevertheless, spirituality radically changed me as a person: my mind went from an endless circular neurotic mess into the streamlined goal-oriented tool that it's supposed to be. It will forever remain my life purpose to share my experiences in some form or another.

Edited December 5, 2023 by Carl-Richard

[flowboy]

There's no unsolvable problems from a psychologically healthy perspective.

Either it's not unsolvable, or it's not a problem.

Reinhold Niebuhr said it best:

In your example (the depression), you could go two ways with it:

• See it as "not a problem". Figure out what you want to do and how you want to live, and do it anyway, even with depression.
• See it as solvable. One medication not working properly doesn't mean it's unsolvable. There's hundreds of medications that you can try, and besides that, medication isn't even the best solution for depression. Certainly not the only one. Psychedelics can cure depression. Primal therapy cures depression. Working through childhood trauma cures depression. And there's many other therapies that don't involve medication, that can work well.

Here's a deeper point I want to make: pointlessness, hopelessness and uselessness are not based in present reality, they are symptoms of an unhealed psyche which are being projected on top of the present situation.

A healthy psychological response would be to not mix the hopelessness and feelings of defeat, which are remnants of childhood trauma, to mix with the assessment of the facts of the present day situation.

To be able to separate the feeling, which is an old feeling, from current reality, is the important skill there.

Watch this:

 

[StarStruck]

The healthy response is with play with a child's mind (beginners mindset or learning mindset). No need to make it complicated with theories. The thing is to make a complex thing simple. You can learn a lot from children and from nature.

[Salvijus]

You don't have to solve your problems. Just make sure you're a moving towards a better life everyday. Inch by inch go towards light and goodness. How far you go doesn't matter. Just keep the steering wheel straight (intention) . Push the gas pedal down (desire and passion). Lift the left foot off the brakes(fear and addictions, procrastination) . And mooooove towards a brighter future. That's all you have to worry about. Everything else is not your business

Edited December 6, 2023 by Salvijus

[k-ahmadzadeh]

@LastThursday

Yes, balancing is also a great way to frame the strategy. Thank you! I even started to see my daily conduct in this way, and it is helpful, I would say. 

Daily discipline and habits are also significant for not falling into paralysing depression. Every day, I try to commit to the discipline. I even say that personally, I am a very disciplined person, and if depression didn't exist, perhaps I would be able to sustain military-style discipline in my daily life.

@universe

Thank you for your comment. Honestly, I don't get the concept of 'self-love'. I respect myself, but loving is more than respect, so it involves admiration for oneself. But admiration doesn't arise from nothing; it comes from the recognition that one has a lot of good qualities. I would challenge this position with the question of "How can an ugly person love himself or herself?" (I don't consider myself ugly, but this is a radical way of challenging the validity/utility of the concept of self-love)

@Carl-Richard

Thank you for the very insightful comment. I agree with most of what you say. Perhaps I can summarise your point that 'not being afraid of the grief' or 'confidence' comes from having a lot of resources that give you power so that it would compensate for your loss or the negative consequence of an unsolvable problem.

@flowboy

18 hours ago, flowboy said:

There's no unsolvable problems from a psychologically healthy perspective.

Either it's not unsolvable, or it's not a problem.

This approach is interesting. I shall try to look at my issues with this framework.

18 hours ago, flowboy said:

Here's a deeper point I want to make: pointlessness, hopelessness and uselessness are not based in present reality, they are symptoms of an unhealed psyche which are being projected on top of the present situation.

This makes sense in a way that if I can stay present and alert, I will be able to focus on my activities without getting trapped in negative thinking, including hopelessness. On the other hand, hopelessness is an intellectual prediction that, most of the time, has valid propositions. In this case, one is going to face a dark reality. For me, such a situation would decrease one's sense of meaning in life.

These videos are great. I will happily watch them soon. 

Thank you for your kindness!

 @StarStruck

Interesting approach that makes sense. 

@Salvijus

You are right in a strategic sense. But if problems are overwhelming, it decreases one's sense of meaning in life and will to live. Then it gets harder to continue. 

[flowboy]

1 hour ago, k-ahmadzadeh said:

On the other hand, hopelessness is an intellectual prediction that, most of the time, has valid propositions. In this case, one is going to face a dark reality. For me, such a situation would decrease one's sense of meaning in life.

Not untrue, but it's important to realize that the intellectual level of the mind is an outflux of the deep feeling layer of the mind (where the unprocessed pain from the past lives, in your case hopelessness/pointlessness for example).

So, however convincing your valid propositions, if your underlying feeling state was different, your mind could craft an equally convincing set of arguments that would increase sense of meaning etc.

In short: do not take your thoughts as absolute truths, they are just the result of your deeper state of mind.

If you have hopelessness to work through, it's going to push your mind to create arguments that rationalize that hopelessness.

Work through the hopelessness by putting it in proper perspective (e.g. in therapy, realize it comes from not getting needs met in childhood and grieve those unmet needs properly [not an exercise you can do mentally, there needs to be emotional release]), the underlying hopelessness goes away, now your thoughts convince you of happy things.

I'm not just blabbing, I've worked up close and personal with people who have gone through the process I have just described, and their depression completely went away.

I hope you watch the videos.

[LastThursday]

@k-ahmadzadeh to re-iterate what @flowboy is saying: apply your military discipline to working through your traumas and unmet needs and you'll see good results. 

[flowboy]

@k-ahmadzadeh I can't help you heal your psyche through forum posts, but I can share what I've learnt in studying this topic, which is this:

hopelessness, pointlessness, uselessness, helplessness are feelings that belong in childhood.

They make sense for a child going through suffering, because it's completely dependent on adults.

An adult is not.

Whenever an adult is feeling these things, it's the inner child speaking that is still suffering.

[Thought Art]

Logo-therapy and acceptance, surrender 

Also, developing your adversity quotient, self talk and explanatory scripts is important. Is it really a problem you can't solve?

If it is, then the latter.

Edited December 6, 2023 by Thought Art

[Salvijus]

3 hours ago, k-ahmadzadeh said:

You are right in a strategic sense. But if problems are overwhelming,

If problems become overwhelming, you just continue going forward with whatever amount of energy you still have. That's all. 

Edited December 6, 2023 by Salvijus