Friends Vs Relationships

[Shane597]

I have a hard time distinguishing when I like a women more than a friend. I make friends with wemon, but I am not sure if I like them, I never really have been. What sets them apart? Also, I am not a fan of pick up, I suck at pick up, but I also want to get know the person before I decide I like them, otherwise, I have nothing to go on but looks. I fear being friendzoned if I take to long to determine or even being friends zoned right off the bat permanently. I have heard it has to do with the frequency of interaction and the quality for attraction, but also you just being authentic and of course it is based on the personality match. So is it the case that friends are really not much different than relationships, just the attraction and the right timing to start the relationship? This means that I can be friends with a crazy amount of people and the only difference is that relationships involve more interactions, time spent, attraction, completely opening up and sex.  

Edited April 4, 2017 by Shane Roberts
missed a word

[abgespaced]

7 minutes ago, Shane Roberts said:

I fear being friendzoned if I take to long to determine or even being friends zoned right off the bat permanently. 

Trust this fear, it is correct. 

Women have so many more options than you realise. These days in the West you are only a couple of days away (if that) from being put in the friendzone with any high value woman you show sexual interest in. Once you show your interest and you give her those arousal cues and she feels some kind of sexual arousal towards you, you need to keep her feeling them or they'll dissolve and she'll assume you're not interested in anything more than friendship.

Yes, it's possible to start as friends and build up towards a relationship, but that's only if she hasn't already ruled you out as a potential lover. That is, you haven't given her any indication one way or another that you're interested (this is extremely difficult to do, especially if you're needy). Once you're in the friendzone you're fucked.

[Shane597]

Well, that is fucked up, wemon need to be more open minded and not stuck in their beliefs. 

[abgespaced]

2 minutes ago, Shane Roberts said:

Well, that is fucked up, wemon need to be more open minded and not stuck in their beliefs. 

Don't judge. It's the way things are. They are beautiful to the core once you have accepted truth. And they are very, very good at weeding out boys from men. It is a survival trait developed over millions of years of evolution and it continues to work very efficiently to this day.

[Shane597]

That also means that if I am in a relationship with a women she can fall for a guy that is just as good as myself or likes as much as myself, well, no one is better than anyone else, so should I even be jelious if this ever happened. 

[Shane597]

But it has nothing to do with being a man, I just don't fall for anyone right away because it is a journey to get to know another person. This is more wise in my opinion. 

[Shane597]

Wait, so you are saying as long as you are an authentic man you can attract the girl you want at any time? That sounds accurate if that is what you are saying. In that case I am good, no worries. 

[abgespaced]

1 minute ago, Shane Roberts said:

That also means that if I am in a relationship with a women she can fall for a guy that is just as good as myself or likes as much as myself, well, no one is better than anyone else, so should I even be jelious if this ever happened. 

Yes they can. In fact, they are constantly testing you against other men all the time. Even when you are in a relationship. They want to know that you are their best option and will test relentlessly that you are the man they chose to invest in.

[Shane597]

I am fine then!

[Shane597]

I almost don't even want to play the game because it is so nuanced and triky. I find I have already turned myself into a man without a realtionship.

[abgespaced]

You'll have to play it one way or another. Women will be in your life wherever you go.

[Guest Annetta]

@Shane Roberts You could perhaps tell them how you feel.  Let them know that you do not judge a woman by her looks alone and want to get to know them better because knowing a person intimately is important to you.  That makes you a gentleman.  I would think women would respect this.  It's a very straightforward perspective to dating.  If you find a woman you are attracted to, let her know this about you, and date her slowly.  Good luck.

[Pav]

No need to lump your interpersonal relationships into categories. No need to rubrisize large groups of people either.

Ground yourself in the present, take a step back from the world of conceptualisation and see the people around you as they truly are, unabstracted, viewed without distortion from your egoic desires. 

[SFRL]

@Shane Roberts your post is full of contradictions. And that is because you are puting up all these defense mechanisms. You make excuses not to take action. 

Things are as they are. Better learn to deal with them. 

Edited April 4, 2017 by STC

[Shane597]

@STC No, I disagree, this is just my way of thinking, I tend to swap perspectives in the middle of a thought, really, I am giving myself a wholistic perspective on the situation, but I can see how you see ego distortion.  We are both right from certain perspectives. I still plan to take action, I just don't think I will be really enthusatic about the process.

Edited April 7, 2017 by Shane Roberts

[Shane597]

Also, I do take action anyway. Yes, I rubricized a group of people, but it is actually true most of the time. Men and wemon go off of first impressions and most of the time they realationships never work out, it is a stupid game. I simply don't want to play it and I would think that being friends with a girl for a year or so would give me a great idea if I really want to be with them and it would demonstrate that they are mature from my perspective. 

Edited April 7, 2017 by Shane Roberts

[SFRL]

On 4/7/2017 at 0:21 AM, Shane Roberts said:

Also, I do take action anyway. Yes, I rubricized a group of people, but it is actually true most of the time. Men and wemon go off of first impressions and most of the time they realationships never work out, it is a stupid game. I simply don't want to play it and I would think that being friends with a girl for a year or so would give me a great idea if I really want to be with them and it would demonstrate that they are mature from my perspective. 

Yeah mature.....tell me what is mature? 

If you are going to be friends with a woman for a year do you know how many options she is going to have with other guys approaching her and trying to get her interest? It's not a winning strategy. 

Edited April 8, 2017 by STC

[Shane597]

Not everyone plays the game. We have 8 billion people in this world. 

[Shane597]

It does not always take a year, depending how much they choose to open up it can take as little as three months, at least that is what I did with my last girlfriend. 

[SFRL]

5 minutes ago, Shane Roberts said:

It does not always take a year, depending how much they choose to open up it can take as little as three months, at least that is what I did with my last girlfriend. 

If that works for you then you should stick with it.