I hate myself.

[Sabth]

 

[Sabth]

Whoever made this playlist bless her/his heart. 

Invu

Here I am

Fire 

Feel so fine

[ted73104]

18 hours ago, Sabth said:

@ted73104 how about a hot guy? (I'm a female)

But rather than a hot guy I'm thinking more of what I want : 

1. Being a film maker. (To do this, I need a lot of starting money for equipments)
2. To travel a lot . Or rather, to a few places. 
3. To be able to skate professionally /like a pro. To be able to do this also need a lot of money. I think I want to buy everything new. New skate, safety gears and a car. 
4. That's only it. For now. And if I'm rich, I wanna buy a lot of things. Only then, I think I will be able to love myself. Only then, I will have a personality. Right now I am just stuck. 

It seems like your image of yourself is dependent on what other people think of you. I understand that is very hard to change, the urge for recognition when you've rarely experienced it is hard to overcome.

You can do it Kobe style, use the hatred as fuel and take action. Start small and give yourself praise for anything you accomplish. Get a normal job, make some short videos with your phone, get into a skating social group, learn how to drive a car, connect more with your siblings/cousins, etc.

You're not stuck, you only lack motivation. Everyone has been here, baby steps will become larger steps as you move forward. In the future when you look back, it is not where you are and what you have that you're proud of, but rather the journey you've been through and what kind of person you've become through the journey that will be your true source of confidence. The end is never sweet without the journey.

[Sabth]

There's nobody to teach me driving a car my parents can do it but they're not doing it. It has been for years. They teach my other siblings back then but not me. I don't hv anyone to teach me driving. If they could I would hv been able to drive years ago. 

**I think if I get a job I will do fine. Or if...

Edited December 8, 2023 by Sabth

[ted73104]

13 minutes ago, Sabth said:

There's nobody to teach me driving a car my parents can do it but they're not doing it. It has been for years. They teach my other siblings back then but not me. I don't hv anyone to teach me driving. If they could I would hv been able to drive years ago. 

You have asked them to teach you before, right? If there are relationship issues, at least they could borrow you the car and perhaps you could ask your siblings to teach you?

[Sabth]

28 minutes ago, ted73104 said:

You have asked them to teach you before, right? If there are relationship issues, at least they could borrow you the car and perhaps you could ask your siblings to teach you?

My siblings are all married and stay away from the family (my bro is studying somewhere far and my another bro live in a different state. Both are younger brothers. And both of my sisters are married.)

[ted73104]

1 hour ago, Sabth said:

My siblings are all married and stay away from the family (my bro is studying somewhere far and my another bro live in a different state. Both are younger brothers. And both of my sisters are married.)

So I guess the relationship with your parents is very complicated to say the least. I know it is very hard, but you have to find a job and move out first. Get out of any toxic environments.

[Schizophonia]

On 01/12/2023 at 8:20 PM, kenway said:

End the internal civil war, as the other said.

[Bobby_2021]

I am battling with the same problem. The problems of not having enough love. That's all there is to it.

You were not given the love you think you deserved and that's why you were hurt. No life was wasted. You technically cannot waste an experience. But you expect you to have money, kids, house, babies, and other Little stuff. All these things you expected from yourself, but you were not capable for whatever reasons to give it to yourself. You are hurt for the love that you yourself failed to give you.

As long as you don't acknowledge this, you will keep going into the downward spiral of hate. You hate yourself for not having worked job went to college and not having the life you deserved. But you being you did the best of what you could based on the unique situation that you were in.

You couldn't have done any better, really if you think about it. That's why it's pointless to brow beat yourself over and over again. You did the best you could. Things can only get better from now on. 

Watch this video and forgive yourself.

Walking around with all the hate is like walking with a thorn stuck in your foot. It will keep getting worse until you start to get clinical health problems.

And please beware that even overachievers are also plagued by the same problem. That's why it's a lack of self love not because you didn't put in the work to build your life.

But you did the best you can given your unique life circumstances. Maybe you can write down your life circumstances and see that it was all justified. 

And then, start putting in the work after you have made peace with yourself. Godspeed. DM me anytime. 

[Sabth]

I hate myself for a reason when I wrote this. Because I am not being myself. So I hate it. But now things hàs got a little better. 

[Bobby_2021]

2 hours ago, Sabth said:

I hate myself for a reason when I wrote this. Because I am not being myself. So I hate it. But now things hàs got a little better. 

The self that you have had in mind for yourself was too demanding for you to reach given your circumstances, genetics, family, menta health, maturity, money, etc. And there are tons of other factors which you don't take into account.

We all battle with this problem. I got excited to answer since that is also the solution to the problem I was facing. And i feel so much lighter when I was freed from my own expectations. It was tampering my capacity for existing in this world.

Hurt people cannot go so far. The world is quite harsh. Heal and march on. 

[funkychunkymonkey]

welp, no advice here just me saying that i hate myself too. since i got out of the military ive been a suicidal mess. i hate the civilian world. 

my last hope was going back into that world as a mercenary but when my father cried when he got the news i simply couldent do it. so i just go through the motions now. im probably gonna end up taking another attempt real soon. 40 pills would usually kill a man but for some sick joke im still here. i hate myself and i hate my life. ive given up on any avenue for passion or purpose. my last one being the mercenary thing. by the time my dad dies im gonna be too old for the FFL theres no other mercenary force i would wanna fight for. so i just go through the motions. imaging and visualizing my suicide makes me happy now.

again not advice, just me saying it can always get worse. and to let u know ur not alone. good luck

[Sabth]

The least thing that I want to be able to do at least is driving and to have a car. My life is really bad now. So bad. 

And soon my younger brother who was just married will move into this house. All my siblings had already getting married and they will come/stay in this house. This house is ruined and messed. Except me and my youngest brother, all my siblings are married. I don't know. 

I couldn't do anything. Right now, I am not doing anything. 

I couldn't go out. I couldn't drive. Etc. my life is really bad. 

 

I want to hike but don't have money. I want to jog but couldn't. There's nothing that I could do. 

Edited February 8 by Sabth

[Sabth]

@funkychunkymonkey hey you are young. 

[meta_male]

1 hour ago, Sabth said:

couldn't do anything. Right now, I am not doing anything. 

I couldn't go out. I couldn't drive. Etc. my life is really bad. 

What do you do if you don't mind me asking? Do you literally just sit and do nothing?

[Sabth]

I don't have any qualifications. Unlike my siblings.  There's nothing that I could do. My mom still pays for my shopping and she still the ones who drive me.

There's nothin that I could do. Despite my age.

 

Edited February 9 by Sabth

[Thought Art]

Okay, so what? You have family taking care of you. What’s not to love? Why does anything need to change?

[trenton]

@Sabth I want to tell you I am going through a similar struggle. I hate myself and I constantly find more reasons to hate myself. Sometimes I hate myself so badly I want to die.

I discussed a traumatic event with my life coach. He suggested that I was putting a lot of pressure on  myself to get a good career because I was trying to re establish my sense of self worth. My accomplishments would serve as proof that I am worthy of self love.

You seem to be trying to create proof that you deserve to be loved. I have plenty of proof my my self worth but I still hate myself to the point of suicidal thoughts. I would suggest that if you are seeking proof of your self worth, it will never be enough and you will always want more proof. This is the cycle of people pleasing for instance.

remember the hierarchy of needs. Before self actualization comes self esteem. If you sabotage yourself constantly with self hatred you will never be satisfied with your accomplishments and you will still not feel worthy of love.

for me I have been trying to regain my self worth since a traumatic incident from when I was six. If you suffered from serious trauma and blame yourself, it causes you to shut down emotionally, and it is hard to rebuild self worth from that place.