I hate myself.

[Sabth]

I hate myself. I wanna grow into someone whom I would love. I hate myself. I don't know why. But I hate myself. 

[Sabth]

@Judy2 I don't know. I just feels like there is no progress in my life. I am stuck. In forever doing nothing. I still couldn't drive. I don't work, I'm not in a relationship, I don't have a car, I don't make my own money, I don't have a house. Despite being 27. And I'm so bad compared to everyone else. 

I just have nothing and are doing nothing. While others are growing. I feel left behind. Even my younger brothers and cousins have discussed marriage and stuff. But I am forever incapable. Of anything. I'm older. But I do nothing. I can't even do the things I love. Like having a great body. Or be healthy. I am getting weaker as I'm older.

I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I want to live in another country and work. 

If only I can become rich only then I will love myself. If I have a lot of accomplishment and freedom. To be an adult. To be able to do whatever I want. Even if I am not in a relationship. But I couldn't do that. I am stuck at home. And feel incapable. 

 

[Salvijus]

 Be careful with the things you say because they have power to manifest and influence your reality and future. 

Learn to emit positive things. The way to do that is found in any spiritual scripture. The way is given freely to all. But no doctor can help you if a patient refuses to drink the medicine. 

If you don't know where to start you can start with these simple exercises/prayers for 1min a day to turn our life around in ways your logical mind will not be able to understand. 

https://acim.org/acim/workbook/introduction/en/s/401

https://acim.org/acim/lesson-1/nothing-i-see-means-anything/en/s/403

Otherwise, whatever you resonate with is also fine. 

Edited December 1, 2023 by Salvijus

[Ulax]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_post-traumatic_stress_disorder

[kenway]

[Sabth]

I feel like there is a lot of potential in myself but I am doing nothing. 

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiRcvRRNPI0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5_DS89_lKU

Edited December 2, 2023 by Raze

[Sabth]

I no longer felt hate myself today. 

[Thought Art]

@Sabth Sounds like in actuality you love yourself. If you didn’t love yourself you wouldn’t want to develop yourself. 
 

interesting how that works 

 

[ted73104]

I used to hate myself too.

Then I gradually found a way to accept and love myself.............. as a fucking villian. Bring your expectations of yourself so goddamn low so that you actually will appreciate what you have NOW! I have nothing to lose, why not live another fucking day however I like?

[Yimpa]

I totally get that. Hating yourself, while debilitating, is part of the journey. You’re put in situations that you never asked to be put in. You begin by learning how to handle these situations, and when you’re ready, you take the plunge and  let go - trusting that you’ll be guided towards your higher purpose in life.

What I am referring to is not suicide. It is serious personal and spiritual work. It’s not going to come easy, not a chance. Actually, it’s easier to stay in the cycle of loathing and self-hatred. But the cost of living like that is never allowing ourselves to embrace a more expansive aspect of ourselves.

I wish you all the best, and I promise you that the pain and suffering is not permanent. 

[FourCrossedWands]

Life works like this: You talk to your family/friends and they help you find a job.

Then you can start making the next steps...

Edited December 5, 2023 by FourCrossedWands

[Sabth]

17 hours ago, FourCrossedWands said:

Life works like this: You talk to your family/friends and they help you find a job.

Then you can start making the next steps...

I never asked them to find me a job. And I never talked about this. Telling them that I don't have job and that it is a problem to me. I don't think they can do anything about it though. So I won't. I'll look for myself if I want to. Work. Huh? 

[ted73104]

On 2023/12/1 at 7:43 PM, Sabth said:

If only I can become rich only then I will love myself. If I have a lot of accomplishment and freedom. To be an adult. To be able to do whatever I want. Even if I am not in a relationship. But I couldn't do that. I am stuck at home. And feel incapable. 

I have felt the same way as you in the past, believing that only when I have accomplished something great and earned a lot of money can I love and accept myself. You are not incapable, it is only that the goal you've set for yourself is way too high to be achieved in a short amount of time. So in this situation your body would tend to feel that the effort is not worth it, because you cannot achieve greatness or become rich overnight, thus giving you the emotion of laziness.

You're not in a bad place, it is your strong desire for the good things in life that is making you feel negatively about yourself. The way you're looking at things is not healthy, because you're placing judgement constantly on your condition whilst not comparing with yourself but with others. And I believe when you're comparing yourself with others, you're always comparing with them in the area they are strongest.

If you give yourself space to find a job and gradually exercise, you can eventually get to a place you feel good about yourself step by step. Also you might find that you probably won't need to become rich and successful to be able to find happiness. Maybe you just want a hot girlfriend, the guys I know who can get hot girlfriends are not rich or successful. Depends on what you want, but you don't need to have everything to be happy.

[Sabth]

@ted73104 how about a hot guy? (I'm a female)

But rather than a hot guy I'm thinking more of what I want : 

1. Being a film maker. (To do this, I need a lot of starting money for equipments)
2. To travel a lot . Or rather, to a few places. 
3. To be able to skate professionally /like a pro. To be able to do this also need a lot of money. I think I want to buy everything new. New skate, safety gears and a car. 
4. That's only it. For now. And if I'm rich, I wanna buy a lot of things. Only then, I think I will be able to love myself. Only then, I will have a personality. Right now I am just stuck. 

[Sabth]

1 hour ago, ted73104 said:

I have felt the same way as you in the past, believing that only when I have accomplished something great and earned a lot of money can I love and accept myself. You are not incapable, it is only that the goal you've set for yourself is way too high to be achieved in a short amount of time. So in this situation your body would tend to feel that the effort is not worth it, because you cannot achieve greatness or become rich overnight, thus giving you the emotion of laziness.

You're not in a bad place, it is your strong desire for the good things in life that is making you feel negatively about yourself. The way you're looking at things is not healthy, because you're placing judgement constantly on your condition whilst not comparing with yourself but with others. And I believe when you're comparing yourself with others, you're always comparing with them in the area they are strongest.

If you give yourself space to find a job and gradually exercise, you can eventually get to a place you feel good about yourself step by step. Also you might find that you probably won't need to become rich and successful to be able to find happiness. Maybe you just want a hot girlfriend, the guys I know who can get hot girlfriends are not rich or successful. Depends on what you want, but you don't need to have everything to be happy.

💗

I want to have a cute baby though. In the future. If I were to have a child. Way in the future. 

Edited December 7, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

I just saw this song right now :

By Amber Liu. We both hate ourselves... 

[Sabth]

And the Taeyeon had "Dear Me". 

Taeyeon's songs suits us back then. (Not only me but us).

But this song is not for me now. It's for the child me. 

Edited December 7, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

The song right now is this 

 

[Sabth]

No I like this song. 

This song is timeless. 🤍