How should I raise my self esteem when I realize I'm intellectually lower than other.

[Buck Edwards]

I suffer autism. And I often run into people who are doing much better than me. It really sets me a few steps back. I feel demoralized and let down. I perceive myself as a failure. What should I say to myself when I'm faced with such emotions? 

 

[Princess Arabia]

42 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

I suffer autism. And I often run into people who are doing much better than me. It really sets me a few steps back. I feel demoralized and let down. I perceive myself as a failure. What should I say to myself when I'm faced with such emotions? 

 

First stop saying you "SUFFER" from Autism because the Autism will make you suffer. That's very very very important. That alone is half the battle. Maybe say "I have autism", and never say the phrase "my autism" because that is taking ownership of it, and the mind hates to lose something it believes it owns. 

The mind is a very powerful thing and it will make you suffer if you're not aware of your self-talk and how you word things. You are calling in the energy of suffering when you declare that. 

Stop comparing yourself to others and recognize your own uniqueness. Sometimes prevention is the best cure and try to live a life of less judgements of others, accept others with all their perceived flaws and weaknesses and you won't judge or criticize yourself as much because by giving out compassion to others you are simultaneously receiving and giving yourself the same. 

Say to yourself: I AM a pure being of light and I am perceiving myself through flawed lenses which I was conditioned to do; and since I AM made in God's image and God is perfect I AM perfect also.

Edited November 30, 2023 by Princess Arabia

[Buck Edwards]

I thought I was just dumb. 

[Parallax Mind]

2 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

I suffer autism. And I often run into people who are doing much better than me. It really sets me a few steps back. I feel demoralized and let down. I perceive myself as a failure. What should I say to myself when I'm faced with such emotions? 

 

The purpose of life is to enjoy it. You don't need a high IQ to do that. 

[Buck Edwards]

38 minutes ago, Parallax Mind said:

The purpose of life is to enjoy it. You don't need a high IQ to do that. 

But you need high IQ for every area of life. It's a self esteem thing. I don't want to feel like a failure. 

[Carl-Richard]

1 hour ago, Buck Edwards said:

But you need high IQ for every area of life. It's a self esteem thing. I don't want to feel like a failure. 

Having a high IQ doesn't necessarily stop you from having low self esteem, even specifically about your IQ.

[Buck Edwards]

15 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

Having a high IQ doesn't necessarily stop you from having low self esteem, even specifically about your IQ.

Can you explain that please? That sounds very contradictory. How can you have high IQ and still have low self esteem regarding IQ? What's the exact thought provoking that? 

[Buck Edwards]

30 minutes ago, Squeekytoy said:

@Buck Edwards failure at what?

Failure of not being able to compete with other high IQ people around me. 

[ted73104]

If you value intelligence, then you will naturally be around people you look up to. The feeling you described being demoralized feels very real, it is a deep emotion in your condition. I used to fight this emotion all the time, I would try to study harder or work harder and chase more productivity. I would try to be friends with these people who I feel are doing great, and see if any of their attributes would rub off on me. Now I work at a large IC design company and I'm surrounded by excellent people, whenever this feeling occurs I just let it gradually sink in. I try to feel into the loss and emptiness of the entire emotion. Then when I'm alone sometimes I contemplate what I can do or why I'm feeling this way. I never find a real solution, but eventually I am just able to let it go. I'm still very happy that I've joined such a talented team and the IC industry has been rocking the past few years.

Edited December 1, 2023 by ted73104

[Buck Edwards]

38 minutes ago, Squeekytoy said:

Why are you afraid of failing to compete at IQ but not afraid of failing to compete at athletics for example, or anything else? Why IQ?

It attracts my attention more than anything else. I'm good enough in other things like physical stuff. 

[Carl-Richard]

1 hour ago, Buck Edwards said:

Can you explain that please? That sounds very contradictory. How can you have high IQ and still have low self esteem regarding IQ? What's the exact thought provoking that? 

I made a thought experiment in another thread that can give insight into this:

 

On 6.11.2023 at 9:29 PM, Carl-Richard said:

It is possible that your insecurities could be based in essentially nothing of substance. For example, imagine the go-to example of an intelligent person (Albert Einstein). Now, despite all the achievements, all the contributions to science, all the praise (generally the substantive evidence of this person's intelligence), you could still imagine a scenario where Einstein in his childhood was for example called stupid by somebody he respects, and ever since then, he carried an insecurity about not being smart enough. 

 

There is also the phenomena of always comparing yourself to somebody who you perceive as being superior to yourself. Even Einstein could possibly have compared himself to some other great physicist which he admired and which he perceived as superior to himself. Even if Einstein is considered by most people as the "best" physicist, he might not perceive it that way (besides, most people are less intelligent than Einstein, so why should he care about their opinion? They're most likely wrong anyway). Likewise, even if you have a higher IQ than most people, and these people think you're a "smart person", you might aspire to be like somebody greater than yourself, and by comparison, you would not consider yourself a smart person. Then you might ask "but if you compare yourself to those who are less smart than you, then you're actually smart". Yes, but nobody does that. Nobody bases their self esteem on that (except people who get high on their own farts). You don't compare yourself to a 5th grader to make yourself feel better about your intelligence. Try it.

So yeah, there are many ways to have low self esteem even if you're smarter than most people.

Edited December 1, 2023 by Carl-Richard

[Buck Edwards]

6 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

I made a thought experiment in another thread that can give insight into this:

 

 

There is also the phenomena of always comparing yourself to somebody who you perceive as being superior to yourself. Even Einstein could possibly have compared himself to some other great physicist which he admired and which he perceived as superior to himself. Even if Einstein is considered by most people as the "best" physicist, he might not perceive it that way (besides, most people are less intelligent than Einstein, so why should he care about their opinion? They're most likely wrong anyway). Likewise, even if you have a higher IQ than most people, and these people think you're a "smart person", you might aspire to be like somebody greater than yourself, and by comparison, you would not consider yourself a smart person. Then you might ask "but if you compare yourself to those who are less smarter than you, then you're actually smart". Yes, but nobody does that. Nobody bases their self esteem on that (except people who get high on their own farts). You don't compare yourself to a 5th grader to make yourself feel better about your intelligence. Try it.

So yeah, there are many ways to have low self esteem even if you're smarter than most people.

Thank you for the explanation. 

 

[Princess Arabia]

36 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

Thank you for the explanation. 

 

You could have at least acknowledged my response and effort I put into replying to your post. I took the time and thought into it and you just totally ignored it and replied to everyone else's. These are the little details in life that we need to pay attention to. Not IQ. EQ and SQ emotional and spiritual intelligence are more  important.  It makes us feel good inside when we show gratitude to people, who take the time to reply to a delicate question like the one you posted and even though we have had petty squabbles on the forum before it could make one wonder if you're just not interested in what they have to say because of that. Thats just my feeling. 

I won't jump to any conclusions as to why you didn't acknowledge my effort in responding to your question so I'll just leave it at that and wish you all the best. Noone answers every reply, and it is not expected, but as I was the first to respond and seeing how you have acknowledged everyone else's that replied after me, I feel I'm not exaggerating my stance on this. 

Edited December 1, 2023 by Princess Arabia

[caspex]

Accept yourself for what you are, let go and give up on changing yourself to something else. It will indeed lower your self esteem, but you'll accept yourself.

Accepting your feelings of unworthiness and untalentedness would mean crying about it, feeling pathetic, etc.

Once these emotions are settled, you'll find and build up self esteem regarding some other field naturally.

Since you are stuck not being able to accept your inferiority in a particular field, you cannot see where you are indeed superior or on par. It's simply not possible that you are inferior to the average person in every field.

[Carl-Richard]

On 1.12.2023 at 5:41 AM, Buck Edwards said:

Thank you for the explanation. 

You might also think that if you're less smart than most people, then you'll be constantly reminded about it when you're around most people. But on the other hand, the person who is smarter than most people might think "ugh, why am I here among all these stupid people? I'm wasting my time". So the mind can always find a way to criticize itself despite the circumstances. The mind can't help itself but want to expand, often in less fortunate ways. You can help that desire to expand through things like meditation. Then your mind will be so expanded that it can't help but to shut up. But of course, you shouldn't neglect the impulse to expand in the realm of wordly self esteem either. Do improve on yourself in ways you find conducive to building a healthy self in the world. It's not an either/or game.

Edited December 2, 2023 by Carl-Richard

[Buck Edwards]

29 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

You could have at least acknowledged my response and effort I put into replying to your post. I took the time and thought into it and you just totally ignored it and replied to everyone else's. 

I was a bit busy with my farm work and I had noticed your reply but forgotten to acknowledge it. The other users were asking me questions and I thought to answer their questions first and come to your reply a bit later when I'm completely hands free. I'm extremely sorry. I deeply apologize. I know how you feel. I will make it a point to reply you. Right now I'm in a hurry to get back home. Thank you so much for the effort. Once again I'm extremely sorry. 

Quote

 

These are the little details in life that we need to pay attention to. Not IQ. EQ and SQ emotional and spiritual intelligence are more  important.  It makes us feel good inside when we show gratitude to people, who take the time to reply to a delicate question like the one you posted and even though we have had petty squabbles on the forum before it could make one wonder if you're just not interested in what they have to say because of that. Thats just my feeling. 

I appreciate all responses. Please don't let my forgetfulness cause you any kind of ill feeling. Wasn't my intention at all. I understand the point that pleasantness of personality is also an important trait, even more elegant than high IQ. 

Quote

I won't jump to any conclusions as to why you didn't acknowledge my effort in responding to your question so I'll just leave it at that and wish you all the best.

I'm profusely sorry. I was just going to reply. I was busy with the farm work. So I could only glance in between breaks. 

Quote

Noone answers every reply, and it is not expected, but as I was the first to respond and seeing how you have acknowledged everyone else's that replied after me, I feel I'm not exaggerating my stance on this. 

No not at all. You have every right to feel offended. I apologize. I know how that can feel. Please give me some time to thoroughly go through all replies. My autism and low IQ so I can't read everything all at once. It takes me time to digest information so I'm more likely to see something that needs urgent attention like a quick one line question. But I do make sure to reply to each and everyone. I really don't want you to feel like you weren't acknowledged because of my incapability. 

Once again I'm extremely sorry and I'll get back to you as soon as I have more time on my hands to go through the entire thread. 

I genuinely and deeply appreciate your effort. It means a lot. 

 

Edited December 1, 2023 by Buck Edwards

[Princess Arabia]

1 minute ago, Buck Edwards said:

I was a bit busy with my farm work and I had noticed your reply but forgotten to acknowledge it. The other users were asking me questions and I thought to answer their questions first and come to your reply a bit later when I'm completely hands free. I'm extremely sorry. I deeply apologize. I know how you feel. I will make it a point to reply you. Right now I'm in a hurry to get back home. Thank you so much for the effort. Once again I'm extremely sorry. 

I appreciate all responses. Please don't let my forgetfulness cause you any kind of ill feeling. Wasn't my intention at all. I understand the point that pleasantness of personality is also an important trait, even more elegant than high IQ. 

I'm profusely sorry. I was just going to reply. I was busy with the farm work. So I could only glance in between breaks. 

No not at all. You have every right to feel offended. I apologize. I know how that can feel. Please give me some time to thoroughly go through all replies. My autism and low IQ so I can't read everything all at once. It takes me time to digest information so I'm more likely to see something that needs urgent attention like a quick one line question. But I do make sure to reply to each and everyone. I really don't want you to feel like you weren't acknowledged because of my incapability. 

Now go down and give me 100 push-ups. Thanks for explaining and I understand now, that's why I didn't say too much on the reason why. No problem, and if I was feeling some type of way before lol...that's all gone now with that heart-felt of an apology. Geesh, you can give lessons on how to give a sincere apology to someone because that was sincere. Now go give me those push-ups. It's all good, though.

 

 

 

[Leo Gura]

Find and focus on your strengths.

Edited December 1, 2023 by Leo Gura

[An young being]

13 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

I suffer autism. And I often run into people who are doing much better than me. It really sets me a few steps back. I feel demoralized and let down. I perceive myself as a failure. What should I say to myself when I'm faced with such emotions? 

 

IQ has zero to very less relations when it comes to happiness, peace, and even success. Only work related success and certain fields which requires high intelligence can give high IQ people an advantage,( and not a guarantee) and people close to Spirituality knows that these things have little significance in actual success. Only when you have very low IQ ( you won't even be able to type here with those levels), there are relations between iq and happiness and even those group of people are mostly sad because they compare with others who have higher intelligence. Comparison is the one which causes sadness, not the level of intelligence. Look at a bird chirping happily, what do you think it's IQ is? 

Identifying your other strengths and interests, as others stated can help you develop self esteem. You don't even need to do that, as having 5 senses is all it is needed to experience life fully. In fact, the intelligent people are all working hard for you, helping you to have new experiences.

 

[Salvijus]

Compare and contrast is a game that ego plays to derive it's sense of worth. 

The only way out is to become a nobody. Because only a nobody has nothing to compare himself with. 

In other words, going beyond ego is the only way. 

Edited December 1, 2023 by Salvijus