A question

[March]

Hi,

I have an urgent query. I feel like I must ask this here. I feel like my parents feel like the wisest people I know. Their words seem like the right thing to me. However, months later (i.e. now) their advice has made me go down a path I don't want to do down. So, how do I deal with feeling like my parents are the wisest people and the most right thing to follow in the moment? How do I then know I know what is "right"? I am curious as to how I know what I know (i.e. the feeling my parents are the wisest and the most right) if months after I find that the advice is not that wise and that maybe I don't know what is right?

 

My biggest thank yous.

_name - not used in the forum (you can call me March)

[Parallax Mind]

Watch this

 

 

[NoSelfSelf]

You dont know yourself ,so whatever makes you feel right even tho its not for you will make you go in places you dont want to go that's classic, that's why game is so important ,because knowing who you are, you will make moves based on you and standing on it ,even though everybody tells you go in other direction.That doesnt mean you dont listen, you listen to take the information to mold it for your own specifications, but since you dont know yourself then you cant know.Its like owning a best car without knowing how it works, it wont move or it wont move well.

[Leo Gura]

Ultimately, no one can tell you what's right for you because you are unique. Even the best advice is just a rule of thumb. You are the CEO of your life.

Edited November 30, 2023 by Leo Gura

[mr_engineer]

20 hours ago, March said:

Hi,

I have an urgent query. I feel like I must ask this here. I feel like my parents feel like the wisest people I know. Their words seem like the right thing to me. However, months later (i.e. now) their advice has made me go down a path I don't want to do down. So, how do I deal with feeling like my parents are the wisest people and the most right thing to follow in the moment? How do I then know I know what is "right"? I am curious as to how I know what I know (i.e. the feeling my parents are the wisest and the most right) if months after I find that the advice is not that wise and that maybe I don't know what is right?

 

My biggest thank yous.

_name - not used in the forum (you can call me March)

You are holding onto this idea that 'your parents are the wisest people you know' in order to keep the family together. They probably conditioned you with this idea, so that you would trust their opinion when things went wrong and they'd hold a very important place in your life. And, you don't know any other way to have a family/to have an attachment-relationship, which is why you keep doing it, even though it leads you down a path you don't want to go. 

Here are the steps for how to solve it: 

• Figure out what the need for 'belonging' is, do some research on it and how it gets met. This will show you what need your parents meet for you (or are supposed to meet for you) and why you keep following their advice to your own detriment. 
• Then, figure out alternative ways to meet this need. If you understand the need for 'belonging' or 'tribe', you will very quickly realize that the way you form a 'tribe' is by finding some common ground with other people. So, get to know yourself better and figure out shallow and deep things that you have in common with other people. That'll give you a way forward in meeting this need. 
• And, in your new tribe, find someone whose judgement you trust/who would be a 'wise person', whose advice would help you. 

You have a certain direction you want to go down in life. And, a lot of times, shit can get rough along the way. Now, if you find a tribe that aligns with you, you will get the sense that 'we're all in this together', you won't feel alone along the way. Then, when you get a wise person who has compatible values giving you advice, this advice will be better than what your parents are giving you. (Not because they're wiser than your parents, because their values align with yours.) Because, the objective reality is that your parents' advice isn't as good as you think it is. So, you may have to face this reality. And, the way you do that, is by meeting more people and finding more people whose judgement you trust. 

And, one final point - for someone to give you good advice, 'how wise they are' isn't that important. What's more important, is compatibility of values. A dumb person with compatible values will give you better advice than a wise person with incompatible values. That's the reality! 

HTH!! 

Edited November 30, 2023 by mr_engineer

[Alexop]

On 11/29/2023 at 11:35 AM, March said:

Hi,

I have an urgent query. I feel like I must ask this here. I feel like my parents feel like the wisest people I know. Their words seem like the right thing to me. However, months later (i.e. now) their advice has made me go down a path I don't want to do down. So, how do I deal with feeling like my parents are the wisest people and the most right thing to follow in the moment? How do I then know I know what is "right"? I am curious as to how I know what I know (i.e. the feeling my parents are the wisest and the most right) if months after I find that the advice is not that wise and that maybe I don't know what is right?

 

My biggest thank yous.

_name - not used in the forum (you can call me March)

If I would have listened to authority figures around me when I was young, I would end up depressed doing heroin maybe. You need to find the authentic intelligence within you aka real intuition and listen to that.

[meta_male]

On 29.11.2023 at 10:35 AM, March said:

So, how do I deal with feeling like my parents are the wisest people and the most right thing to follow in the moment?

Your parents are the opposite of wise actually, as their advice is leading you down a path that doesn't match with your personal values. You can always take their advice into account later, but first get clear on what it is you want. There is no right or wrong way, just you creating your own unique life story.