impulsivity and imposing

[not-a-faerie]

I havve noticed and want to change these things. When I talk to others I am very impulsive and say things I don't want to say, such as personal statements I want to be private about, and I also have an issue where sharing my opinion will be kuind of bossy and matter of fact.

 

I'm searching the net for advice of course, but I doubt I'll find suggestions from self-actualization and consciousness that one can find here

 

sorry if this is a frequent topic I didn't find any in these search, also it might be a few days before I visit this site again lol so I'm just hoping for some good advice. 

Edited November 27, 2023 by not-a-faerie

[The Renaissance Man]

You keep stabbing yourself in the foot because you're not conscious enough. Otherwise you couldn't sabotage yourself.

Becoming conscious is easier said than done, otherwise we all would be perfectly disciplined with only good habits.

But regardless of how hard it is, that's ultimately the root cause of the problem. If you focus your efforts there, you'll see true, long-lasting progress.

How the fuck do you become more conscious then? Well, it's the ultimate problem. You're fighting with the nature of the ego.
I found a few VERY helpful ways, that are transforming my life. I suggest you experiment and try stuff beyond what I'm going to say, as it's a blog post and I honestly won't bother writing a thesis on self-deception.

• Understand the root of the problem (why do I keep behaving this way if I know it's wrong?). It's so helpful to not just tackle the surface like "I act impulsive so I will force myself to not act impulsive". Understanding Survival (Leo's video) has been very revelatory on this.
• The defense mechanism your mind will use is distraction. Proactively dedicate time to reflect on those experiences. Just sit and think, nothing fancy. But actually do it every day. "What did I say, what was the reaction, why did I act like that, where did it come from (it's often some kind of trauma and resentment)". Leo's video on Developing Introspection is a major key in this  practice. You can also use a journal to give your ideas some more order, although using thought will add an emotional aspect to it that I found very helpful.
• Understand the situation deeply. Why you desire to share your opinions, why that's wrong (or not), how would a positive interaction look like, why would that be a positive interaction, what's the role of authenticity in communication, what's the role of understanding the perspective of others, actually understanding the perspective of others (spiral dynamics can be an introduction), openmindedness, and everything concerning communication really.

It's complex as you can see. But look around you. If it was simple everybody would've fixed their emotional and instinctive problems. Pay attention to every word of the 3 points I listed. Don't skim through them. Leo made hours and hours of content on those topics, a few lines of text are the bare minimum.

I'm seeing massive progress in my life adopting these principles. I'm not parroting some teacher.

How would I apply practically the 3 points?

1. I'd study Leo's videos on Survival for point 1. Simple as that.
2. I'd dedicate some time every day to sit and think with eyes closed, and to contemplate. 30 minutes of thinking + contemplating one topic EVERY DAY should be a must. The 30 minutes can be split up. Leo's video on developing introspection will give you a ton of examples on what to observe and contemplate about your own mind deceiving itself.
3. Observing and learning, seeking first-principle understanding, and not surface level trusting other teachings. Points 1 and 2 are an absolute MUST. Point 3 is something you can build up gradually, by observing and learning. If doing point 3 is too much, just set 1 and 2 as a priority, and 3 as an extra if you have spare time and energy.

[not-a-faerie]

I see, thank you! @The Renaissance Man

[Thought Art]

@not-a-faerie I fall into the same trap. I’m an over sharer. I sort of think it just takes practice. Often times we can say less than we think. It’s often wise to do so in human affairs. Keep practicing. Maybe set a very intentional goal.

[caspex]

It's simply your nature, do not deny your nature. Instead, what you need is to become more aware.

Breathe slower and more deeply in the day, no matter what the circumstance. Especially in emotional situations.

As for the oversharing, you'll simply learn what to share and what not to as you gain more experience interacting with people. But make sure you are aware while you do so.

It's not going to be very easy. Ideally, you'd want to change your habits in your life that make you less aware and more impulsive. This include certain people as well. Since I do not possess that information, I can't say anything in that regard.

I must say that change doesn't usually happen only in one field of your life, it requires change in multiple areas at once.