Meaning and purpose will never fulfill me

[trenton]

I have recently come to this conclusion upon further introspection. this insight feels like it has freed my mind and eliminated unnecessary suffering. I have been struggling with feelings of emptiness for a long time and I have been trying to fill this void through meaning. Throughout my life my attempts to create meaning came in many forms.

I once looked to my family in search of meaning. My family was full of criminal activity and my grandpa placed a lot of faith in me. He wanted me to change the fate of the family by not ending up like my father who was a drug dealer. Along this hectic childhood, my mother let an abusive boyfriend live with us. I tried to find meaning and purpose by protecting my family and evicting the abuser. Although I got what I wanted, I still felt empty. This led me to believe that family was not meaningful to me or not one of my values.

Instead of seeking fulfillment from relationships, I tried seeking fulfillment through impact and career. This was a different means of pursuing meaning. I recently read a book which mentioned a man who followed his passion to become a monk for ten years. He ultimately fulfilled his dream, but in the end he still felt empty anyway. Just because you get your dream job does not mean it will save you from feelings of emptiness.

Is pursuing meaning fundamentally flawed? It looks like meaning and purpose can never fulfill me because all meaning is imaginary and therefore illusory. Is there anything you should pursue instead of meaning?

[An young being]

55 minutes ago, trenton said:

Is pursuing meaning fundamentally flawed? It looks like meaning and purpose can never fulfill me because all meaning is imaginary and therefore illusory. Is there anything you should pursue instead of meaning?

You can pursue experiences. It doesn't necessarily mean anything new or exotic. It's just everyday experiences with being more mindful towards them, combined with a passion to look forward for new experiences.

[The Renaissance Man]

@trenton I suggest you watch Leo's video on nihilism.

Anyway, I'm also grappling with this a bit, and the mindset I'm shifting to, and it's making me feel much happier, is to follow my intuition more.

I can't follow meaning anymore since meaning is not real. So I am getting more and more in tune with what is FUN, what I FEEL is right, what is AUTHENTIC to me, my values, my personality.

I don't know if this can work for everybody. I combine this with careful awareness of how I feel and what I want. Following my intuition doesn't mean falling into endless addictions and instant gratification, or being rude and egotistical to people, as it's too apparent that it will not lead to the fulfillment and happiness I want. I can OBSERVE how integrity makes me so much happier than hedonism.

Basically I'm stopping giving a shit about how things "should" be, and I'm starting to build a new model of what I do that's based on "feeling good". Because, if there's no meaning, then the best thing you can do is to live the best life possible.

[hyruga]

If you set certain goals, indeed you won't be that happy when you achieved them. Men are always hungry unless they are sick (and for that they want health).

Men wants more. They want love, sex, family. If they have one child, they want two without the financial baggage. They want more money. If they have 1 mil, they want 2 mil. 

[NoSelfSelf]

You dont have meaning or purpose so you dont know if it could fullfill you.

[LastThursday]

What is meaning? What is fulfillment? It's a good exercise to examine those things deeply.

I think both things are rooted in emotion. Meaning is an emotional response to events, normally positive. And more specifically something is meaningful if it helps your survival directly or indirectly. Essentially you have "good feelings" towards "staying alive" and that is meaningful.

Fulfill etymologically means to "fill until full", i.e. to complete something or to satiate your desire. It's not an accident that you use the phrase "feelings of emptiness". Fulfillment is the knowledge or feeling of being satisfied and complete, and full.

The pursuit of meaning and fulfillment is then the pursuit of certain emotions. But emotions are ephemeral and irrational. Emotions are signals to pay attention to, not objects to acquire and hold on to. Emotions are what guide you through the world, you should use them that way.

5 hours ago, trenton said:

Is there anything you should pursue instead of meaning?

You should pursue what you want to achieve. There's no game plan for living, so you're free to make up your own plan and carry it through to see what happens. If you don't like what happens you come up with another plan and keep playing your own invented game. If you complete one of your plans you will feel fulfilled. If it helps you survive, or improves your life in some way, it will feel meaningful.

Edited November 26, 2023 by LastThursday

[Parallax Mind]

Watch Jiro dreams of sushi documentary.

I heard on Joe Rogan that the most badass thing about humans is they make meaning in an obviously meaningless existence/universe.

I think that is super badass you evicted your abuser. You should start organization that is takes on domestic abuse somehow helping victims find their strength. 

 

[Consept]

Its kind of a paradox,  you do not feel fulfilled so you are looking for something to fulfil you, you actually dont care what that thing is because you would do anything to be fulfilled. If you could sit and play with your belly button and it fulfil you, you would have no problem doing that, so the feeling of fulfilment is what you want. 

Real fulfilment would be more about the doing the thing not necessarily the feelings that come from it. So for example if i want to help people with mental health issues which i do personally, then its not about how i feel whilst doing it or if i complete an arbitrary mission, the important thing is just helping the people. Like even if i feel horrible whilst doing it and afterwards its still worth it because i was willing to make that sacrifice for a greater goal. 

So get over the fact that you may never feel fulfilled, the idea of fulfilment is something in your imagination. Once you mourn this you can start looking at what do you actually want to do and maybe for now you dont want to do anything, thats fine as well, just listen for the call when and if it does come. 

[hyruga]

If you fuLfill your goals to some degree, then you may still feel worth it. Next is to cultivate gratefulness.

[not-a-faerie]

personally, I find meaning in two places; one is when I practice mindful awareness of the present moment. And the other is when I get caught up in emotions and thoughts. meaning as a goal isn't something I pursue, though. What I really want is to find meaning in the operation of my goals, does that make sense? those are where I find meaning. 

[martins name]

Meaning is profound, but also try to heal the emotional wounds that are behind your emptiness. To have meaning is to have a profound future. It's nice to also have a profound now.