A Most Authentic Message

[zazed]

@Gopackgo It may all be fascinating what we're doing here. I too am very rational and scientific due to my job.
Also, i didn't want to disprove your idea about free will, it might well be true, who knows. If we are just an observer, just perception itself, then we as perception surely have no free will.
We can always agree to disagree and remain friends, that is ok, i don't need everyone in the world to agree with me. I enjoy the sport of discussion perhaps a bit too much sometimes, and you have been a fine player.  

 

I watched the video a second time yesterday evening, and it's starting to dawn on me. 

In the end, enlightenment is having no effort at all, its just being. If we want enlightenment, we're working to hard, we've missed it, we've passed it, we're lost to it completely. The mind can be rational all day long, it's just stories in our heads anyway.

Identifying with and putting importance on something that will happen tomorrow, or has happened yesterday is the real problem.
You gotta travel light, don't carry around all those potential problems that may or may not appear tomorrow. Don't carry around all that baggage from the past, it's only an inaccurate memory inside your head.
Really, i'm just typing on a keyboard here, nothing else is happening, there are no groceries here. There is me, the keyboard, the screen, a mental projection of you as audience, and the light in my hallway that just turned on by itself. The mental projection is real, cause its happening, but its not me, its just some thing.

I've found, really looking, and by looking i mean just observing, watching without judging, and especially without identifying is the best solution.
I'm afraid, then i examine the fear, not with the mind, not asking myself questions, not really with any effort at all.
I just look at it, deeply, intensely, pure fascination on the process. Like watching an animal at the zoo, or a campfire, or anything fascinating.

By just looking the emotion doesn't really diminish at first, it becomes like these sequence of bodily sensations that are quite abstract, then the mind seems to forget about them, then they vanish. It's not like i want them to vanish, i'm just looking at the components as they are. The components are not fear, fear is a mental label, the components are just "tensions, pressures, tinglings" in various locations. And they are often neither unpleasant or pleasant, they are just there somewhere, but not entirely sure where. Even if you press your thumbs fingernail into your index finger, you notice it's just some kind of pressure, it's not even exactly where you are pinching, it's like radiating out, where is it exactly?

I've also found, emotions are also complete liars. You'll experience something, and then a split second later there is an emotion.
It's like the emotion was always there, but actually the thought about the emotion changes your memory of the past, and injects itself upon the sensation. When someone tells you bad news, first you are just hearing words. But the hearing of the words and the interpretation of the meaning of the words gets merged in your memory, like they've always been one and the same. The mind is changing the past to make itself seem real.
This is even true with physical pain, just press your thumb fingernail into your index finger and see, it's not a bad thing in itself. (not advising self-immolation here, that is not the point)

I've also found, the mind likes to finish thoughts, like its very important for it.
It's funny, if you start thinking about something, you want to complete the story. Even making excuses, i almost made this design in my head, just a few more thoughts and i am done. Or you can have thought loops, to prevent you from forgetting some idea you have, they pop up every few minutes until you can put it on paper, days later. These are real devils to me, they sapped a lot of my energy before.

In the end, all this thinking is sooooo tiring.
Nothing can be gained from it, it means nothing really, but it appears to mean everything.

By just perceiving, everything becomes hilarious, like watching a child paint with finger-paint. Its like watching a comedy, its not heavy, everything is funny cause it doesn't matter. But also kinda bland sometimes, cause nothing really matters much.

[Gopackgo]

@zazed I agree. The circular thought processes are especially a problem  for people suffering with anxiety. Thats actually the entire problem. From my perspective, first I learned that a thought is just a sensation. I had never thought about it before, but it is. Then I started to look at it in terms of identification. I do not identify with tastes, touch, sound, etc. So my mind said, well I must be the totality of my sensation. That cant be right either, because that would mean that I wouldn't exist between sensations. This is when I realized that everything is arising in nothing. "I" am the nothing in which it arises. This is where I started to identify with what is outside my body. It makes way more sense that we are that, rather than the body. 

Recently, I have been watching me thoughts. When they arise, how they arise, etc. I have been going through the process of dis-identifying with them. I can't control them, so now I observe them like a sound. When I really started doing this, I would have moments where there was no middle man between me and what occurs. My body just moves and it's really weird, like I'm not necessarily in control of it, but also, I know its coming. It is complete engrossment in what is going on around me. 

I went through a few cycles of that over time, as I tried to kind of figure out what the me thought was. Then the realization hit me that the me thought never really carried the meaning that had been assigned to it. it was an mascarading as the executive that was seeking, and really controlling everything. That has been the emphasis, until this morning, i was driving to school and I guess it just sunk in that the thought that was occurring was a me thought, and it was only arising in me. This thought rolled through my head: The me thought is swimming in an ocean of nothing. After that the thoughts kind of stopped arising and I felt physically just like I did after my awakening. Blissful. during class, it seemed like my body was on autopilot. I felt as though I was only in the background, watching. That sounds like it would be a terrifying experience, but it is the best feeling. Words dont do it justice.

It is sort of like a yoyo. The identification breaks down in waves and true identity becomes more and more established. I know this time that the bliss wont last, but I don't care. The ego is losing its control, and this morning was a big step in that direction. It's funny how living as nothing feels more real than when I thought i was something. 

I don't feel like this is happening to me, but I dont really know how else to write it without using that language.

Edited April 7, 2017 by Gopackgo

[zazed]

@Gopackgo Exactly.

But circular thought processes can also be about enlightenment. That is what Paul means by putting a warning stamp on all spiritual books.
There is danger of deluding oneself so much, that the mind is filled with idea's about enlightenment. This may even bring peace, it doesn't seem like a bad thought process to have. But in the end, the magnifying glass is still burning away, it's still burning down on you as the body, as a self. The pressure is still on.

[zazed]

one is still identifying with the story of the self becoming enlightened. The most powerful story that can become what defines the self fully.