Should i go to therapy or do the healing work by myself

[Rahul 2paradox]

Hi all , 

I really need your perspective on this.

As lots of us , i too grew up in a very toxic environment. So , got on personal development work, not just because of trauma also because i enjoyed it a lot. 

Few years back I been to therapy for a year , but it didn't work ,the therapist was not good and also because i was too much in victim mood and was playing the blame game.  

Did Therapy+ medication only to realise that it's not the answer and i have to face all my fears head on. I find a good diet , healthy sleep pattern and nootropics worked way better for me then those drugs which comes with so my side effects and messes your brain up. 

I got my diagnosis of bpd but to be honest i don't connect with that diagnosis at all. I have read so much about bpd , it feels so alien i don't connect with it at all. Yes , i have my share of neurosis but im not as dysfunctional as a typical bpd individual.  When i talk to an depressed individual i can connect to it , when i talk to an person having anxiety i can connect with it , to a person having memory loss , brain fog , concentration issue, family issues , etc i can connect to that typical stuff but to borderline personality disorder-  Nahh!!  No offense but find them too messed up for me. 

Even while i was on Therapy i find personal development work was helping me more then therapy. 

I feel doing the work by myself, doing the shadow work , meditation,  kriya yoga etc. I can heal myself more. Yes , having a Therapist makes the work much more easier but man i can't afford it at all.  Throughout these years i have accumulated tons and tons of traumas and unconscious beliefs which i need to heal. I have wasted so much of time. So much of opportunities was lost cause of them. I've lost a lot. I can go my way collecting money and find a good therapist but i don't find our modern psychologist that developed vs our spiritual work where i can go to the core.

Tons of potential yet tons of resistance 

Tons of chances yet tons of confusion

Tones of opportunities yet tons of depression

Tons of clearity yet tons of confusion

Tons of understanding yet tons of emptiness

One Leo's video and it gives me so much of clearity which therapy never did. Just a video of his and it gives me a long road map to work. 

 

[Salvijus]

I would use that money on a meditation retreat perhaps. Or travel with more pilgrimage oriented mindset. 

[ted73104]

I think the results of therapy really depends on what you really want to get out of it. People who grow up from a toxic environment not only have a damaged sense of their own identity, they also have trouble functioning socially. And in life, social experiences and meaningful relationships are a big part of a person's fulfillment.

I believe that a lot of people would think therapy doesn't do anything for them because the effects of therapy doesn't show immediately. Therapy only shows you how you are behaving in a disfunctional way, and the root cause of your psychological problems. But it does not enable you to fix those problems immediately, and there shouldn't be any medicine to fix yourself in a very short time. The person who has the troubled past normally would only be able to put their past behind once they've changed entirely. It's like if you were called stupid or poor during your entire youth, and then one day you've finally achieved something that made everyone think you're brilliant or allowed you to sell that business for a billion dollars. Then you would totally forget what happened before or not even care if people thought you were dumb or poor. You would be over your traumas.

So the pain is actually in the NEED to become someone who can fulfill their desires. I believe the problem is also in this NEED to change. The difficulty of this situation is how the individual finds the path to accept what happened to them unconditionally, I think this is the true answer to the problem. However that is just too damn difficult so most people can only do personal development, hustle more at work, earn more success and then find themselves "worthy".

[flowboy]

@Rahul 2paradox  Good on you for not buying into that misdiagnosis.

I'll try to write this as unbiased as possible (I run a self-therapy group, so obviously I believe doing the work yourself is possible)

If you've got 6k to shell out, I know the absolute best retreat to go to and heal lots of that trauma in a short time (it's 3 weeks). This therapist is the OG, clients of mine have testified that he's awesome and I am going there myself in January.

If you don't have 6k but you have a few hundred you can spend per month, it's worthwhile to seek a good childhood trauma specialist, even though it's difficult to find a good one. Therapy with a good professional is more efficient than doing it yourself.

Probably don't bother with insurance coverage, that's not where you find the best ones. (in fact, that's how you get misdiagnosed and prescribed medication)

If both those options are too expensive, then do self-therapy and shadow work as much as you can.

It definitely works.

The issue is just that at certain sticking points, it can take great willpower to do it.

For example, in the trauma resolution exercises that I prefer, it's necessary to use your voice and your body to express and let the emotional pain out.

That is a huge resistance barrier to some.

Edited November 24, 2023 by flowboy

[NineHfanbase]

The issue with therapy is that the therapist is doing a job. Although they may be good at relating with you, it’s not a completely genuine interaction because there are guidelines they will have to follow.

Therapy can be addictive to the ego. Like finally, someone cares about my story as much as me. It makes you feel better initially because you feel heard, but it’s the ego that feels better because it feels relevant that someone is asking about it and is so interested. When the ego feels good, at some point it will feel bad again. That cycle  usually makes a turn for the worse so the bad gets more bad and the good feels less good. Also, by repeating your ego story to someone and reliving the emotions of it, you are subtly making it stronger. 

BPD is interesting. I have it as well, and funny enough, when I first heard about it it didn’t resonate with me at all either. I didn’t understand my fears well enough for them to translate as a fear of abandonment. As I got older I developed an insight to the core of my motivations for doing irrational things, and ultimately it was a fear that I have to prove myself worthy to others at all times and be perfect or they won’t accept me (fear of abandonment). I saw that my brain didn’t see it as irrational, it sees it as a normal reaction to this “threat”. Very sneaky stuff the mind does.

I’ve never been to therapy so I can’t say if it’s good or bad. But I think we’re more than capable of doing this on our own. Making yourself better by yourself is 100x more rewarding, because you’ll always be there. The less external things you can rely on the more confident and safe you’ll feel, because ultimately everything external is fleeting and won’t always be there. Your therapist won’t always be there. Literally just sit there and allow yourself to suffer, to be confused, to not know. You’ll see it’s not so bad, and the more “hell” you overcome the easier every day life obstacles will become for you.

There is nothing more difficult yet more easy than sitting down with no distractions and accepting all your sufferings. Just get through the first big hump! It becomes a fun game after.

 

all the best 

Edited November 26, 2023 by NineHfanbase

[bebotalk]

Therapy can work. For shame anybody who says it's a scam. 

How is helping people a scam? How are techniques learnt from medical research scams?

I am a bit sceptical on therapy, but only due to what I perceive as fallacies. I find that therapy is weighted towards people of differing ethnicities and genders, and this is contrary to them "treating people equally". But I don't dispute it inherently as a process.

What then is the alternative? is all mental illness false? If a person has emotional/psychological matters that need healing, are they supposed to do it by themselves? 

[Rahul 2paradox]

9 hours ago, bebotalk said:

 

How is helping people a scam? How are techniques learnt from medical research scams?

 

What then is the alternative? is all mental illness false? If a person has emotional/psychological matters that need healing, are they supposed to do it by themselves? 

@bebotalk A large part of medicine is biased and very narrow minded and heavily manipulated.  Those techniques works ? For bunch of people - yes but for other bunch of people - No. We spend days , months and years to find what would work particularly for us. Mental illness is not false , they're just sort of a approximation. At the end of day it's just theory and concept, which don't really exist but it's important for communicating prospective and to maintain an order ( sort of like money, money don't really exist but is just a concept and that concept is important in society) Let's just say for now a particular disorder is not treatment , few years later new therapy appears and it becomes treatable. Medicine says this disease and disorder isn't treatment but maybe it's just lack of study and research. So , you cant really trust medicine fully.  

For a lot of people, antidepressants are life saver but hey , they are the cause of suicide more rather then the disorder itself. 

It depends on the levels of psychological development of a person that they can and want to do the work by themselves. A stage green and yellow individual might handle their psychological matter themselves but surely not all blue and orange individual would be able to. Healing urself is an emotional labour, having a professional by your side a is great relief but you take that emotional labour in your hands if that the option fits for you. 

 

[TreyMoney]

Be Your Own Therapist, Teacher, Guru, Priest, Shaman, Parent. 

You are all you truly need. 

[Thought Art]

Can be useful to use coaches and therapists. You wanna have a toolbox 🧰 

[UnbornTao]

Can do both.