50% Of Men Have Not Approached A Woman The Last Year

[nhoktinvt]

@Rishabh R exciting right !!

[CARDOZZO]

@Rishabh R awesome, keep going 

[flowboy]

2 hours ago, CARDOZZO said:

I want freedom to talk to any girl on any place of the planet.

You already have it.

 

2 hours ago, CARDOZZO said:

For this to happen you need to be good with people in general, talking to all of them, building comfort, small talk, humor.

Not really. The right one will just like you enough to stop and listen even if you're awkward.

That "social skills building" thing is only for if you want to get laid as much as possible.

If you really want to meet the right one and have a family, you don't need any of it.

[CARDOZZO]

@flowboy I want to find the right one but you know, you need to search and expose yourself to different environments.

I want to settle down but I didn't find the right one to have a relationship.

Deep down we want deep intimacy with one girl but it takes time to find one that really resonates with yourself.

[CARDOZZO]

I use pickup not just to get laid but to have fun, meet new people and challenge myself, practice skills and getting out of my head. (I'm Computer Scientist)

[meta_male]

5 hours ago, nhoktinvt said:

omg i get it @meta_male is doing social circle game OF COURSE

I'm doing me game atm.

[CARDOZZO]

@flowboy I wish it to be more simple, easy and logical 😂

But it's not that easy.

That's why we have a lot of dark content out there regarding dating.

A lot of man just gave it up.

Pickup is really cool to make you meet new people but intimacy is something that you'll need to go deep to find.

I'm doing all this to find deep intimacy with a girl. Not just sex but deep intimacy.

I'm developing intimacy with myself first.

 

[MAHAVATAR_-_BABAJI]

Yeah, and they act like I'm some creep. Lmfao. Wish I was Todd V. Some days.

[mr_engineer]

Of all the things that millennials and Gen Z's are burnt out on, this is one of those things. 

The topic of why men don't approach anymore is a book in and of itself. Here are a few of those reasons: 

• Availability of porn: Because of the availability of porn/the illusion of women being accessible through online dating and social media, men can fap and get an orgasm like that. It may be a certain percentage of enjoyment of actual sex, say 10%. So, it's just easier to fap 10 times, than to approach 10 women, get rejected and work on your game. (This is a complaint a lot of women have and women will have to adapt to this new reality.) 
• Looks aren't enough for men who date seriously anymore: A lot of women are in this illusion that just because they look hot, men should want to commit all of their money to them. That's not true anymore, because of the previous point. Because men are starting to see through the veil of looks and because men understand that 'romantic love' is towards a feminine personality and not towards a woman who looks a certain way, cold-approaching women just because they have big boobs isn't worth the effort anymore for guys who want more than sex. 
• Fear of being seen as a 'creep': If you ask men why they don't approach, this will be the most common answer you'll get. Feminism has really made approaching dangerous and we have to really decide whether a certain woman is worth the risk or not, because of the possibility of her calling you a 'misogynist pig', 'creep' or just outright falsely accusing you. 
• Cold-approach is inferior to warm-approach in terms of conversion-rate into dates: The reasons for this is that cold-approach is done purely based on physical appearance. But, if you have a social-circle and you get to know the woman through other people who you know, you can know more about her before you decide 'I'm dating her' purely based on appearance. (And by the way, Insta-DMs and online dating are forms of online cold-approach and are also purely based on appearance.) You can judge compatibility before taking your shot. A lot of women don't get this, though, because they think that looks should be enough too. Because traditionally, this has been the case, men have approached only based on looks up until this point. And, because a lot of men are utterly friendless, this option of warm-approach is not on the table for them. 

Now, before you jump on me with the 'tHeSe ArE eXcUsEs, yOu cAn dEcIdE tO aPpRoAcH aNyWaYs', calm down. I know that you can decide to approach regardless. These are not excuses. They are the reasons why a lot of men are burned out on the approaching-front. And, even though it is true that you can just decide to approach more, that may not be the solution to the issue of burnout. 

The solution, from what I've seen, is: 

• To figure out what you want from women. Especially if you're cold-approaching someone, you're not really seen as a 'friend', you're seen as a 'stranger', so it's purely transactional. And you have an opportunity to flirt right off the bat, which is why a lot of PUAs like doing pick-up. It is useful to do pick-up to improve your game. However, pick-up is not the only way to improve your game, it's just one of the multiple tools at your disposal. Guys just like it the most cuz it can directly get you laid. My point is, before entering a transaction, you have to figure out what you want. So, the transactional reality gives you a clear reflection of what you want, which is where you can use cold-approach (or the potential of it) to reverse this cycle of burnout. 
• Once you know what you want from women, transactionally speaking, you work on your game when it comes to getting that specific thing. 'Sex' is a catch-all term for a wide variety of sexual acts. So, the biggest key to finding a sexual partner is to figure out sexual-compatibility. Figuring out what you want is to select women correctly and figuring out what those women want, is to work on your game. This is where you hone in on your social-circle and you really figure out how to vet for compatibility. This is where your dating-strategy becomes socially appropriate. (Pick-up is not traditionally seen as socially appropriate, because society objectifies women and to a lot of people, cold-approach resembles the act of approaching a hooker and paying them for sex. This is also where a lot of women completely filter out PUAs cuz of the potential of slut-shaming by their own peers.)

Relationships have been forming since the beginning of time. But, it seems that men of previous generations didn't have to do this in addition to everything else you gotta do to make a relationship work. Why is that? Because there is a big shift in the consciousness relative to relationships, we want them to be more 'loving'. Even if we don't know what 'love' is, at least, we want them to be more pleasing. So, the expectations from everyone (men and women) are really rising, in a way that millennials and gen Z's were not prepared for or warned about. Hence the crisis. 

Edited November 23, 2023 by mr_engineer

[Jacob Morres]

50% have 0?? 

Damn now for the individual you could say that's a good thing, as your competition is quite ass lol 

[CARDOZZO]

@Jacob Morres Totally 0.

Just approach, approach and approach.

[CARDOZZO]

@mr_engineer Good points.

Now, approach.

[mr_engineer]

10 minutes ago, CARDOZZO said:

@mr_engineer Good points.

Now, approach.

Who do you want me to approach and for what? 

[CARDOZZO]

@mr_engineer Approach if you want to be better in general with people and woman.

I will not beg you to do it.

But it will pay off.

I believe that men here on the forum deserve the best.

[mr_engineer]

2 minutes ago, CARDOZZO said:

Approach if you want to be better in general with people and woman.

I will not beg you to do it.

I'm not asking to be convinced, I'm asking for clarification. 

What do you mean by 'better'? 'Better' relative to what? 

[CARDOZZO]

@mr_engineer Better than your actual level on social skills.

I don't know what you want regarding dating but one thing I know: you will need social skills.

For dating or professional life, social skills is what gets you the job.

 

[mr_engineer]

@CARDOZZO Fair enough. 

And, by 'approach', do you mean, cold-approach or warm-approach? The reason this distinction is important is because the growth-curve for one is radically different from the growth-curve for the other. 

[CARDOZZO]

@mr_engineer Offline cold-approach & warm-approach.

Forget online dating for 6 months.

Challenge yourself  

In the end it's all about love, deep intimacy, great moments and memories.

It's not just about getting laid, numbers and metrics.

[Applegarden8]

On 11/22/2023 at 10:49 PM, Thought Art said:

I am not right now

Same

[flowboy]

14 hours ago, CARDOZZO said:

I use pickup not just to get laid but to have fun, meet new people and challenge myself, practice skills and getting out of my head. (I'm Computer Scientist)

I'm Computer Scientist too.

Yeah if you want to get laid a bunch all of that makes sense.

But if you want to find the right one, it totally doesn't.

And here's why:

(I came to this conclusion after meeting the right one after some years of believing the pickup narrative that says: "you need to practice so that you have the skills when you meet the right one", which is BS propaganda to market pickup stuff)

1. Most of these social skills you are building get you further and furher away from your real self.
   At best, when you meet the right one, she's going to have to dig through all those stupid pickup habits and ignore them until she finds out who you really are.
   At worst, she'd be turned off by them, and you missed out on the real thing by training yourself to click with the average random woman you'd meet on the street or in a bar.
2. If your goal is in fact to find the right one to settle down with, that's going to require you to be on track with your life purpose.
   Because when you meet her, you need to be an "interesting" guy.
   Just being a computer scientist who picks up a lot of girls, is not interesting, unless there's some unique ambition that ties it all together, which you're serious about.
   Your free time should be going to that, instead of cold approach.
   Because if you're spending significant time cold approaching and going on dates with rando's (more than a couple hours a week), you're probably slacking off on your life purpose.
   Becoming a man of value requires more than just doing your job, or just doing your studies. Way more.
   (If you're already being exceptional and actively creating a unique life path in your free time, then scratch this one, it doesn't apply to you)
   But most 20 somethings aren't, they are wasting precious time to "become good with girls" (read: fuck a lot), and then end up as 30 somethings with a very average and boring story, and advanced social skills that let them sleep with any random girl but repel any serious matches. Look at Leo. He's been doing pickup a long time, but when was the last time he was in a happy relationship? What have these social skills really gotten him, besides upping his body count?
3. If you have a real life purpose, at some point that will generate reputation value, contextual fame, or at least put your personality out there for authentic reasons, which will then attract the right matches.
   
   Example: if you're a computer scientist who is creating a company to help people with spiritual advancement using software (just picking a random tech related life purpose here from another thread), what are the chances that you're going to find a match among random club girls or on the street?
   
   Very low indeed. Like lottery ticket low.
   
   Your match in that example is probably someone who has the intellectual capacity to appreciate your ambitions, and similar values, therefore would be unlikely to be going to clubs and bars all the time.
   She'd be much more likely to have heard of you through what you're doing, perhaps you spoke at some event, perhaps you blogged something, perhaps you were a guest on a podcast and she found your social media, perhaps she was introduced to you through your extended social circle, which is made up of quality, ambitious people, not just tied together by partying and socializing habits, but actual values.
   Whatever makes sense in context of your life purpose.

In my opinion, the only useful thing that you should take from pickup, is initiative and courage.

The more awkward and unpolished the interaction, the better it is for the true matches, the more likely it is to work on your future wife.

Because it is authentic.

But you do need initiative and courage when women take indirect initiative with you.

And that's honestly not something you need to train every week. It's just something you have in your back pocket as a personal value.

What's the catch?

It's scary to take initiative.

The idea that "you need skills" is an addictive crutch.

If you would just be smooth and have the right "social skills", it would be less uncomfortable and scary, the mind reasons.

Wrong.

When you detect that this might really be a good match, and this is when it counts, not only:

- will it be just as scary as the first time

- will you have to spend extra effort to take off your smooth pickup mask which you worked so hard on building.

Edited November 24, 2023 by flowboy