Yyesterday I watched Leo's video 'Guided Exercise for God Realization' while smoking weed. Here you have the report, written a couple hours after: This morning I put some things together. Here we go:
  -I understand the difference between CONCEPT and REALITY/ACTUALITY (seems like no big deal, but this is H-U-G-E) 24 hours after Im still baffled. Is a HUGE shift.

  -Im not a biological entity. I'm imaging it. My first glimpse was at: 'you weren't born, you are just imagining that', and 'you are not going to die, you are just imagining that' WOW. That hit me hard. That was the first crack. Then: Atoms doesn't exist! 'You are not a biological entity', 'you are imagining biology'. FUCK. I was already on the floor on my knees by this time. And the objections started  'well but when I go to sleep in an hour from now, there will be no consciousness there.' And I got it!   'I'M IMAGINING SLEEP!!' Consciousness is not something I experience, is WHAT IS! I AM THAT!   -I was emptiness. I was nothing. It felt like there was nothing to hold to (like materiality disappeared). there was no I.  I/everything was pure imagination. 'I' was imagining reality!   So... am I consciousness creating itself? God creating itself as reality? I was scared. I felt anxious. I felt I had no control. My heart was pounding HARD.  It felt like I could get into an existential crisis. There was no sense of future and past.
  -I felt a big sense of aloneness. I even grab my phone to look at pictures of my girlfriend. This shit scared me. I never read anything about solipsism, but I think I 'experienced' it. But even then...  'solipsism' is a concept.. is not what IS.   -Dying before dying. I got it now. 
  -Now I get why Leo bashes scientist so much! @Leo Gura you sneaky bastard I remember he wrote once that science was like having sex with a condom. And true spirituality was having raw sex. hahaha yes yes! Pure direct experience! Experience itself.  ACTUALITY! Just what IS. Isness! Absolute Truth. What else could it be?
    -There is only an Infinite field of consciousness
That field Rumi talked about. No separation. No fragmentation. I was all. Life unfolding.   -That infinite field of consciousness is Perfect. Pure objectivity. hahah of course! How could it not be? There is just One! Infinite. There is nothing to compare it to. There is nothing outside. Infinity is Perfection. Life is moving from Perfection to Perfection. Only by the distortion of the mind, only after the fragmentation of reality by the ego, can something look imperfect. 'Something' is imperfect for ME. 'Something' is imperfect for my finite form that is programmed for survival. Only selfishness can occur when there is fragmentation. Oneness, Infinite consciousness, the Infinite field is selflessness.
  -It cant be faked. Is not a belief, a dogma or a rationalization. -Is a realization. A recontextualiztion.  A radical one. Some times i thought ‘what if all this 'enlightenment, 'there is no you', 'you are the whole universe' is just BS that people parrot, and is just a word game? 
What if this is just an scam?  Ok, now I KNOW. I know Leo and other teachers are talking truth. Not just babble, no parroting. Today I watched some Leo's metaphysical videos thinking: 'Of course. This is evident.'' Even before I hit play I knew what kind of things he was going to say. Describing what Is. Seems obvious now.
  - I felt that there is no reason to read more books or watch more videos. No words, no quotes, no guru can teach me anything.  There is nothing to teach or learn. Just reality to experience. For sure Im going to watch more videos and read more books. I understand that Im going to read about just mere concepts, fingers. But I already saw the moon! In this metaphor, the moon is Absolute Truth! Thats what the finger is pointing at!
I got it. The map is not the territory.  Is not a just a cute quote. Is Truth. I am the territory.   -I understand all these Rumi quotes: 'Out beyond the ideas of wrong doing and right doing, there is a field. I will meet you there.' “I have lived on the lip
of insanity, wanting to know reasons,
knocking on a door. It opens.
I've been knocking from the inside.” 'Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open?'
  And the famous: before enlightenment carry water chop wood, after enlightenment carry water chop wood Not claiming Im enlightened but makes sense now. Reality didn't change, just the context!   -I truly understood what the present moment is. Actuality.    -I understand zen devilry Awakening doesn't mean being a nice, loving or generous person.  You can still be a piece of shit.   -I understand why illiterate people like Nisargadatta are able to awaken. No reading necessary. Just pure direct experience (being). No need to understand anything.     It is very rewarding, like if I achieved a goal after all these years. But what I realized... is that this is not the end, is probably just the beginning.   Im open to constructive feedback.