By koops
in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God,
I was smoking weed and decided to watch Leo's Guided God Realization video.
And got something. I don't know how to explain it properly. Still a bit in shock.
For the 1st hour I was getting a sense of something...
but 5 minutes before the end, I just started laughing a lot.
And feel the NEED to put my self in prayer position in a cushion I have for meditation or chants.
But I couldn't be still any more when I was thinking: Ok, but consciousness goes away when I go to sleep! Then I thought: Im imagining sleep! I got it there. I understand, after 10 years, the quote from Power of Now, the first spiritual book I’ve ever bought 10 years ago: Or this variations: You are the whole universe. You are not IN the universe, you are THE universe. All these 10 years sounded new-agy nonsense. 10 minutes ago, I got it. The Universe is not the 'scientific universe'. Is THIS! DIRECT EXPERIENCE.
That 'scientific' universe is just an imagination! haha Is like Im seeing reality upside down, from 180º degrees.
I also felt a big sense of aloneness. I even had to get my phone and open pictures of my girlfriend to see her as real. It was freaky. I dont know exatly the defintinon of depersonlization, but it seemed something like that. That there was no 'I'. And I was scared. I wasn't sure what was going to happen the next moment. Was a sense of having little control. My heart pumping HARD and FAST! It felt as some kind of defense mechanism of the body-mind. So it was a mix of me on my knees with hand in prayer position, laying on the ground, pushups (I felt a a few rushes of energy and have to release in some way), laughing hysterically, moving around the living room (I COULDNT stay still) and fear. I can't remember the last time I was this afraid. I didn't know if I was on the break of an anxiety attack (never had one) so wasn't sure. It even cross my mind the word 'ambulance'. I was very uncertain. It was like I peaked behind the veil, like a kid catching the trap on the magic trick , but at the same time was EXCITING. As I was saying, not all was fear, also uncontrollable laugher of joy. In a way it felt like ''after all these years, books, videos etc.. you got it. Savour it' In a sense it remind me of Leo in his live enlightenment video. Is like I understood that THIS is Absolute Truth hahaha of course. PURE DIRECT EXPERIENCE. What else it may be?
But I couldn't be still any more when I was thinking: Ok, but consciousness goes away when I go to sleep! Then I thought: Im imagining sleep! I got it there. I understand, after 10 years, the quote from Power of Now, the first spiritual book I’ve ever bought 10 years ago: Or this variations: You are the whole universe. You are not IN the universe, you are THE universe. All these 10 years sounded new-agy nonsense. 10 minutes ago, I got it. The Universe is not the 'scientific universe'. Is THIS! DIRECT EXPERIENCE.
That 'scientific' universe is just an imagination! haha Is like Im seeing reality upside down, from 180º degrees.
I also felt a big sense of aloneness. I even had to get my phone and open pictures of my girlfriend to see her as real. It was freaky. I dont know exatly the defintinon of depersonlization, but it seemed something like that. That there was no 'I'. And I was scared. I wasn't sure what was going to happen the next moment. Was a sense of having little control. My heart pumping HARD and FAST! It felt as some kind of defense mechanism of the body-mind. So it was a mix of me on my knees with hand in prayer position, laying on the ground, pushups (I felt a a few rushes of energy and have to release in some way), laughing hysterically, moving around the living room (I COULDNT stay still) and fear. I can't remember the last time I was this afraid. I didn't know if I was on the break of an anxiety attack (never had one) so wasn't sure. It even cross my mind the word 'ambulance'. I was very uncertain. It was like I peaked behind the veil, like a kid catching the trap on the magic trick , but at the same time was EXCITING. As I was saying, not all was fear, also uncontrollable laugher of joy. In a way it felt like ''after all these years, books, videos etc.. you got it. Savour it' In a sense it remind me of Leo in his live enlightenment video. Is like I understood that THIS is Absolute Truth hahaha of course. PURE DIRECT EXPERIENCE. What else it may be?
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