Psychedelic Journey (Trip Reports)

[Clarence]

I'm finally back to give some updates on my experience with psychedelics. I haven't done so lately because I didn't have enough time to write trip reports and I needed to focus on myself, not on sharing my experience. I also realized that sharing a report for every trip was too difficult. One reason is that a trip can look a lot like another one, especially when described in words. Another reason is that the insights I have in some trips I don't feel comfortable sharing, and it would distill the trips too much to omit them.

So I will only share my experience when it feels right to do so. I still want to keep a psychedelic journal format and write down each trip I have, even if it's just making a note of the date and the substance. So here is the list of the last trips I had:

Trip 18: 4-AcO-DMT 20 mg, 03.25.24 (insufflated)
Trip 19: 4-AcO-DMT 30 mg, 04.04.24 (oral)
Trip 20: 5-MeO-MiPT 15 mg, 06.19.24
Trip 21: 5-MeO-MALT 20 mg, 06.24.24
Trip 22: 5-MeO-MiPT 15 mg, 07.09.24

Notes written on the 30th of September 2024:

To share my overall thoughts on the new psychedelics, I had extremely beautiful trips on 5-MeO-MiPT. I absolutely love this substance. It feels so right for me. I love the duration—which is longer than 5-MeO-DMT and 5-MeO-MALT, the visuals, the introspective state it brings me in (I had so many deep realizations on it) and the pure Love Consciousness it creates. It's mind-blowing. It made me realize that I AM LOVE. The words playing in my mind on this substance were not I Am God, but I Am Love. It was so deep and beautiful. It has helped me a lot to start loving myself too. I even had a taste of an Alien Form Of Love.

My experiences on 4-AcO-DMT were not as good. The first trip was too light—because I didn't take the substance properly, I think - and the second one started out well but ended up badly as I read a message during the come down which I didn't understand like I would have fully sober. Reading a message was a mistake that won't happen again. But overall, I felt disappointed because I had wished 4-AcO-DMT would have been more similar to magic truffles than it actually was in my first trips. But I definitely have to try it again, in better circumstances, to make myself a proper opinion of it. I will also try the plugging method to experience its purest form.

Notes of today:

Here is the list of the psychedelics I've taken this month:

Trip 23: 4-AcO-DMT 20 mg, 10.03.24
Trip 24: 4-AcO-DMT 15 mg, 10.16.24
Trip 25: 4-AcO-DMT 15 mg, 10.21.24

Trip 26: 5-MeO-MALT 17 mg, 10.28.24
Trip 27: 5-MeO-MALT 15 mg, 10.30.24
Trip 28: 5-MeO-MALT 20 mg, 10.31.24

4-AcO-DMT

First thing worth noting: I absolutely love 4-AcO-DMT. It's not exactly the same as magic truffles, but it's similar enough to really enjoy it. Psilocybin has been one of my favorite psychedelics, and I'm really happy to now have this substance, which is far easier to ingest.

I really love everything about it so far, but I still haven't tripped enough to have a full grasp of it. I consider writing a detailed trip report at some point. But some little notes I have about it so far is that:

• It is sedating
• It makes my nose itchy
• Tears fall down my eyes for no real reason
• I get pain in the heart area on higher dosages
• I get full body orgasms
• The visuals are very intense, especially on higher dosages
• There is a serious taste of weirdness in these trips, but that is what I love most, and that comes with very deep realizations.
• It also makes my mind very still at times, which is a greatly welcomed break from my daily non-stop thinking life.

My last trip was weaker than expected, which I think comes from the fact that I didn't wait long enough between the trips. I plan to trip on 15 mg again just to test again that dosage. Then I will raise the dose.

I learned that having trips at lower dosages contributes to understanding and going deeper within one substance. I tend to desire to take more in order to get more, but it is not necessarily how it works. Going lower helps build foundations. It is easier for me to accept that now that I have many more opportunities to trip than I had when I started this thread. I was living with my mother and my grandmother, which I was taking care of everyday. I'm extremely sad that she is gone, but I can now do the things I couldn't do before. I am more sad, but more free.

5-MeO-MALT

I did the same, starting from lower, after a long break with it. It was especially good as I had terrible nausea on it for the first time ever (more about that here). I went even lower on the next trip, and then went back higher. It really helped me get more clarity on the substance, though it's not as mind-blowing as a full dose. I understand this substance a bit differently and better now and I'm ready to go deeper.

First of all, it's completely different from 4-AcO-DMT. I had forgotten how different it was. I don't like it as much, but it is very direct and pure to grasp what consciousness is. For that kind of work, it is great, but I need many more trips on it.

What's funny is that this psychedelic makes my all body vibrate, especially my arms and hands. I can literally see them tremble. When I stood up today to close the curtains, my arms were difficult to move, as if they were somewhat paralysed. It was weird, but not a big of a deal I think. When I am lying down, the vibrations are what's most impressive.

I was listening to the music @Jodistrict shared here and it was so perfect. I felt extremely good in my body, as if the music was massaging my brain and giving me mind orgasms. 

One realization I had on today's trip was that one of the deepest forms of corruption one can fall into was not being true to oneself. To me, it can manifests as to not fully being who I am (it can be very subtle) in order to please others or to get approval. I've fallen into this trap quite a lot. I sacrifice my true self in order to protect my lower self, my ego. Doing that doesn't help me grow. It is something I am becoming more and more conscious of. I need to let my higher self come to the forefront. I am not chasing money, sex or fame in my daily life, but I am chasing love, recognition, and approval. It all comes from ego and corrupts me all as much.

Trip Preparation And After Care

This last month, I've been developing my own routine to start a trip. It is very simple. I basically wake up at 7:30 AM, put on some comfortable clothes, go to the bathroom, prepare the syringe, and add more pillow on my bed. Then I find a comfortable position, plug the substance (often around 8 AM), and sit still until the trip has completely started.

On 4-AcO-DMT, I like to sit in front on my window during the come up. I look at the trees. It's a very beautiful view.

I now start my trips with the curtains open and the light on, but I still like when it is completely dark at times.

When the trip is over, I eat and drink a lot. I get extremely thirsty all day. Then I take care of my dogs and take some rest (30-60 minutes) before starting the day. I've been working a lot in the house lately. I'm far more productive now. I still don't know how to improve my after care routine. I feel like something is missing.

Well-Being And Purpose

I'm feeling much better in myself and in my life now that I have opportunities to trip weekly. Psychedelics, exploring and working towards understanding consciousness, is really a need for me. It is a purpose, and following through on this purpose makes me incredibly happy. It feels so good to finally be able to move forward. I feel much more grounded, present, and centered. The road towards full understanding is long, but my well-being has already considerably improved in just a month of tripping. 

Edited October 31, 2024 by Clarence

[Clarence]

Trip 29: 4-AcO-DMT 17 mg, 11.07.24

After that trip, I had to take a long break because of ear problems. I waited for a CT scan to make sure tripping wasn't causing any damage to my hearing, as I experienced intense pressure in my ear and head during the trip, as well as hearing loss afterward, which totally scared me.

After this long break and the very bad trip I had as a last memory, I was scared of taking psychedelics again. The fear I had wasn’t the fear of psychedelics per se, but the fear of my own self. I was so scared of myself, scared of experiencing my thoughts, emotions, fears, and anxieties amplified… again.

When I got back to it, the come-up on 25 mg of 5-MeO-MALT wasn’t easy at all. My body had lost its momentum. It felt completely sick, as the emotional and consciousness shift was so huge and brutal. It turned my whole self upside down, causing me to experience terrible nausea—for the first time on MALT.

However, during the peak, I realized the courage I had to have even taken this psychedelic. I wasn't conscious of this beforehand, but the act of simply taking a psychedelic in this difficult mind space had required tremendous courage. 

This was a huge realization, as I have been struggling for years with a lot of negative thoughts. I keep repeating to myself, despite working hard to stop, that I am not good enough, that I am not doing what I should be doing, that I am not being who I should be being, that I am not thinking what I should be thinking. I keep telling myself that I am too weak, that I am too fearful and too anxious, that I am too pessimistic, that I am failing at everything and will always be failing, and that I will never be able to transform myself fully to become the person I would like to be.

I am a master at negative self-talk.
I am a master at not accepting myself.

It was shocking to realize that I actually had courage. And it was a beautiful realization. The self-validation I felt for once was liberating. I finally had a break from my own negative self-talk, after two months (and a whole life) of intense turmoil. Indeed, taking this psychedelic while I had been feeling so scared and anxious required a lot of courage.

I am now getting back a week later to where I was before the break. I’m not in fear or anxiety when it comes to psychedelics anymore. I look forward to it. I’m still always very careful about what I’m doing, but I feel at peace and confident again to continue this journey.

Psychedelics are actually a need for me. Every time I take one, I realize this. It is not a crutch or a game. It is not something I take for pleasure or fun. It is a need, just like I need water and air to live. I need it so much because I need to understand. I need to understand life, I need to understand myself. And I need to understand in order to start transforming myself. I need to understand in order to start loving myself.

I'm very excited about exploring all aspects of consciousness, but what I've been needing and lacking even more is love. I've been growing without love. My family and my friends love me, but I can't feel their love, I can't even comprehend their love, I can't accept their love, as I don't think myself worthy of love. And that, really, is one of the most painful ways to live.

Trip 30: 5-MeO-MALT 25 mg, 01.28.25
Trip 31: 4-HO-MET 10 mg, 02.30.25
Trip 32: 5-MeO-MALT 31 mg, 02.03.25
Trip 33: DPT 20 mg, 02.06.25
Trip 34: DPT 35 mg, 02.07.25

Edited February 10 by Clarence

[Clarence]

DPT 55 mg

Third trip on DPT.

This was a solid trip for me after two very light doses (20 and 35 mg) where I hardly tripped.

What struck me the most in this trip was the happiness I felt. The more conscious I became, the happier I felt. This substance was jailbreaking my mind and shredding my self, and that felt so good.

I don’t know exactly what this chemical does in the brain, but the feeling of well-being and happiness was significant. I felt intense happiness from becoming more conscious and from doing what I love most.

There, I realized that I had never felt truly happy in life, but not because I was a depressed person, but because I wasn’t living experiences that genuinely made me happy.

I saw my psychologist yesterday and talked to him about psychedelics and the reasons for which I use them. He said he had never had a patient who used substances with the same intention as mine. And he mentioned something about the smile I had on my face while talking about them.

As he said that, I realized it was true. Whenever I talk about this topic, a light awakens within me, and you can see it on my face. It really makes me happy. This trip heightened that feeling even more.

That's basically what I want most out of life: understanding all of Reality through my own Awakenings, and sharing understanding about the nature of Consciousness with others. Obviously, my therapist had no clue what I was talking about, but I was still happy to have an opportunity to communicate.

I was smiling, yet at the same time, it was a tragedy that he did not understand, that no one around me could understand what I am becoming, and have become, conscious of.

This psychedelic also started helping me grasp how much my way of perceiving the world influences who I am as a being and what I understand or don't understand about the world. I was observing myself from a higher perspective, understanding from a different point of view how I saw the world and the importance this had, not only on my life but also on my trips.

This made me realize that I should study the different personality types and the various ways people perceive the world in more depth, to gain important insights in future awakenings.

[Clarence]

DPT 70 mg 

This was a breakthrough trip—more interesting than my previous experiences with DPT.

I remained very calm all the way through (like always), sitting on my bed with my eyes open, resisting the urge to lie down and close my eyes. It acted slowly and steadily. The idea of molasses describes it perfectly.

There were two main themes in this trip.

The first one was how alien the experience felt right from the start. There was a strong sense of otherness to it—not in a dramatic way, as I didn’t completely lose touch with the reality I know, but the experience and awakening felt foreign. It was something new to me. I had the sense that a higher dose would intensify this alien-like feeling even more.

One specific insight from this trip was that I could see multidimensionality. It wasn’t the first time, but this time, I specifically understood how an alien-mouse could be Leo’s body at the same time. It seems easy to grasp now, but before having a specific awakening where both realities could coexist, it wasn’t so obvious.

So, this alien-like consciousness was the first theme.

The second theme was about beliefs. I delved into the nature of beliefs, my own beliefs, especially those concerning things that walk a fine line between belief and reality or knowledge. For example, topics such as life after death or extraterrestrials.

I especially love studying the topic of life after death. How much can we know about that? 

I've been following the work of a French journalist who has dedicated his life to studying this subject. He has met with mediums, scientists, doctors… written books, made documentaries, and even taken psychedelics with the intention to communicate with lost family members. He has had very interesting experiences with psychedelics.

But I myself saw a medium after my grandmother's death, and it was baffling. The medium provided us with extremely specific information about her, but also about us. My grandmother was communicating with us through the intermediary of the medium. We could sense that we were in contact with her spirit. It was a very profound experience because it put me in direct contact with a part of reality that I don’t perceive.

There is a very deep desire within me to know more about that, and I feel that DPT could help me access or understand something more. It felt as though it could help me understand, access, or know the structure of reality.

Currently, I don't understand how reality is structured. I don't know how it works. I understand it is all mind, that it is all my mind, that it is all God's mind, but I don't understand how it is happening, what is 'above me', how I can exist here, as a human being, with an independent mind, in a material world, without being in control of anything. How is it all happening?

So, this was the second theme of this trip, about beliefs and the structure of reality.

Side note

It’s very difficult for me to write about my trips. I struggle a lot with English grammar, too. I have to double-check every sentence. Writing is also difficult because there is so much I don’t know about reality. I’m in a (slow) process of figuring it out, of figuring out reality and epistemology. It’s not all obvious to me.

I’m learning through each trip and the topics that interest me the most. What I’m writing and thinking now will evolve over time. There’s a lot that I don’t know, but for the sake of documenting my journey, I’m writing something down—what feels most accurate based on my current experience and what I’ve experienced in my trips—even though articulating and structuring it is very difficult. I’m trying to stay as true to myself as possible while stepping into the unknown and working to figure out what is true.

Edited 18 hours ago by Clarence