Am I Awakened?

[Stoica Doru]

So, I just went through the dark night of the soul, which made everything meaningless, in a depressing manner. I had a ton of spiritual awakening symptoms, some are gone by now, but something wanders my mind. I had this one dream a few days ago where my mother told me to stop running from an entity that was chasing me and I just fell in a total blackness in my bathroom, while everything was disappearing, including my mom, which I was being afraid of initially, but felt like a total bliss once I "died" there(I found out that there were people who got enlightened while dreaming, like Jiddu Krishnamurti) . After that, I woke up with loud sounds in my ears(which I had up until that point, but now have disappeared) and a wild energy rush through my spine. 

Ever since then, I'm living in the Present Moment all the time, as if I'm constantly meditating. I permanently have the feeling you get after a meditation session, being extremely calm and peaceful. Matt Kahn also helped me a lot, with his love teachings and acceptance techniques. The "problem" now is that my ego tries to grasp this new realization that there's nothing to realize, do, fear and it's kinda confused and apathic. Adyashanti said this is a normal thing after awakening. I also see through my roles everytime I'm in different groups of people, or when trying to impress or manipulate people, and I see through all my schemes and victimizations. My intuition is skyrocketing, basically. 

I want to know your experiences on the matter and what do you think. I know that I'm not fooling myself, but man, I'm drunk on emptiness, as they call it. Death seems like a concept. Kinda shocking, I gotta say.

 

 

 

 

I also totally relate to what Adyashanti says in this video 

 

Edited April 2, 2017 by Stoica Doru
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[Gopackgo]

Yes. That is what I experienced. It's only the beginning. I have a post about my experience. Do colors look brighter by any chance? The experience of green here was especially notable. It was like I was seeing the world for the first time, just...lucid. I had a feeling of love in my chest that was only previously had when taking an opiate. If you are experiencing this, you may experience ego backlash. Try not to allow it to try and rationalize the experience. It just is as it is. No explanation needed. Just be pure awareness. I'm happy for you!

Actually, I take back the part about trying not to allow ego to do anything. Just accept what it is doing and remember that this is what you are. It cannot be taken away from you. Some aspects of the experience will rise and fall, but it is an irreversible change.  Just accept.

Edited April 2, 2017 by Gopackgo

[Stoica Doru]

 @GopackgoAll my love to you! Yes, everything seems sharper, and I starred at my cat today and I saw its aura, a yellow intriguing shape of its head. There are many benefits, but the don't giving a fuck level is way too high, it's like I'm being on Xanax 24/7.

Edited April 2, 2017 by Stoica Doru
Name

[Gopackgo]

@Stoica Doru You are alive now. Fuck yea.

[Nahm]

Your previous level of desire will return. Maybe a week to three. Keep enjoying the change. Consider it a vacation from your norm. When the desire to do things returns, hang on to the intuition. Great post to read. Thank you 

[Bob84]

@Stoica Doru just enjoy 

Dont be fooled by your ego. There is no fight to be had. You ego disagrees do. It is your choice to give it attention or not. Regardless of what it says or wants. 

Or in other words stop giving a fuck .

[Toby]

Great to hear from you again. The only thing I don't understand is the thing with the entity (Edit: oh it was within a dream - now it makes sense), other than that you sound to me very clear. I'd suggest you listen to the whole The End of Your World audiobook if you haven't already. It's really the best for anyone with some sort of awakening.

Edited April 2, 2017 by Toby

[Stoica Doru]

7 hours ago, Stoica Doru said:

 

@TobyThat entity on a symbolic level would've been my Higher Self, most likely. No other explanation. At the moment, I'm tired of seeking any spiritual knowledge, because my lust for seeking is mostly gone, as there's not something as a seeker anymore. Thanks for keeping me in mind. It's been a journey, I gotta say. @Leo Gurareplied to me also a couple of months back, in my early struggle, and I would've even imagined that I'll get here. No regrets whatsoever. Life is as it's supposed to be - off monkey chatter and fearlessly. I'll keep updating and look forward to you guys. Thanks for answering. 

[zazed]

Yes, it seems true what you are experiencing.
Good work coming this far, feel free to share any insights or idea's that can help me.  

I've had a similar experience some years ago, i now barely remember how it felt.
It fed my sense of self, and my "joy" about my own "enlightenment experience" is what took it away in the end.
My mind came in after some weeks and started thinking "hey we're enlightened now, so exciting, so liberating". So i self-identified with the enlightenment experience. By clinging to it, by feeling pride about it, i destroyed it. I realized long after, one cannot mentally be "proud" he is enlightened, that is contradictory

I do agree, reading more at this state may be unnecessary, i had the same idea of not being a seeker anymore. Would pick up a book and just realize, I know this, this is just regurgitating more of the same, just words on a piece of paper.
But boy, i wish now i had kept meditating in that state, perhaps i would still have it.

So think nothing of it at all, be very careful not to cling to it in any way, just keep practicing (meditation), ride it as long as you can, perhaps forever.
Make sure you don't attach to it, attaching with the self to it, will bring you back down.

 

PS. A small ego seed may be there already when you said : "or when trying to impress or manipulate people"
Why would an enlightened person try to impress or manipulate people? Stay aware!

[Malelekakis]

Who's asking?

[Stoica Doru]

@zazed I'm not clinging to it because I realise that there's no ''I'' to gain or mentain/own/have someting. I just let the meditative experience, the flow go through. And t's a good fact that I see through my egoic behaviours as clear as daylight, because I can manipulate my character now - in any circumstances ''good or bad'', also mentaining the balance to not become a zen devil. I'm basically pure awareness, and if the state goes away, I don't really care, because it's always here, for all of us, it's not a treasure, because as soon as you label it that way the spiritual ego will go fight for it and it'll be another chasing rollercoaster, so I'm just passive - no more, no less.

@Malelekakis Nice one, mate. The remaining spiritual ego does, which vanishes each day passing by.

[WelcometoReality]

@Stoica Doru You might want read this if you haven't already.

 

[Stoica Doru]

@WelcometoReality Right on time! Thank you! The things described by @Ayla indeed seem to come - in waves of hyper auto-judgmentalism in everything I do, like I'm going crazy or I'm going to commit certain weird stuff, as this non-being ''shit'' is kinda spooky and meaningless. The mind has its powers, but as we show it respect and love, it'll learn to follow, rather than betray us.

Edited April 4, 2017 by Stoica Doru
Reason

[PureExp]

On 2/4/2017 at 5:31 AM, Stoica Doru said:

I want to know your experiences on the matter and what do you think. I know that I'm not fooling myself, but man, I'm drunk on emptiness, as they call it. Death seems like a concept. Kinda shocking, I gotta say.

You are making good progress.

It all depends on your concept and understanding of the word "awakening", so let us know.

Note that everyone defines it differently, but one thing is sure - everyone is already there where they need to be, they only need to shed some ignorance. In other words, everyone is already awakened, they just need to realize what they are.

Experiences come and go, but realization stays.

[Stoica Doru]

@PureExp I would describe it as an ongoing unraveling of what's unnecessary, which evolves us into seeing the beauty of Truth, and the ending to all paradigms. We'll all be there, eventually. Glad I'm making this progress as a 19 year old.

Edited April 4, 2017 by Stoica Doru
Reason

[WelcometoReality]

@Stoica Doru What is 19 years old? 

[Stoica Doru]

@WelcometoReality I see what your username is for. ''User'', haha! 

Edited April 4, 2017 by Stoica Doru
reason

[Toby]

I still recommend the "End of your world" audiobook: velcro thoughts.

[WelcometoReality]

@Stoica Doru When I created that username there was still alot of "identity" and there still is some left. Be mindful of that identity sneaking in. There is still alot of work to be made to "unhook" that identity. Mooji explains it well in this video.

 

[PureExp]

2 hours ago, WelcometoReality said:

@Stoica Doru What is 19 years old? 

You caught him red handed there.