My infield footage during the day

[joeyi99]

My Review On Cold Approach & Dating Life 

I recently completed a 4 month pickup mentorship with a coach I hired in Toronto and wanted to share my personal infield and insights. I hope this motivates you to take your journey seriously and give a realistic perspective on Cold Approach. 

Here are my results from the mentorship:

370 Approaches

16 Numbers

1 Date

MY INFIELD - lead to date above: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ro92wpagqQZLL0rnb3qamgHdup6Ziuh6/view?usp=sharing 

*Don't mind my Hollywood editing skill

 

Preface:

It has been one helluva a journey over the last 7+ years with pickup and personal development. It's difficult to recall who I used to be before I made the decision to embark on the hero's journey and answer the call so to speak. My self image has consecutively died and been reborn many times as I searched for answers from within and without. Eventually resulting in a sense of clarity as to who I am and what I want out of all this.

 

What Do I Want Out Of Dating:

1. You are the only one who can determine what you really want:

I have admittedly committed the mistake of believing I wanted the results others marketed to me in the pickup community. Examples such as sleeping with hundreds of women and building a "rotation" are a few of the common ideas I deceived myself into desiring. I can starkly see how shallow and immature the above pursuits are and how I never actually choose them.

2. What am I really after:

Speaking big picture, I want to live a Good Fulfilling Life "the good life". A life rooted in core self actualized principles and values. Specifically with women, I believe that finding a true life partner will be the most fulfilling. My definition of a life partner extends far beyond almost all the relationships/marriages we see around us. I know that pursing a relationship based on aligned values and purpose is the wisest. This will have a much greater meaning to me (and to most) than sleeping with an endless amount of women or any other lustful fantasy you can imagine.

 

Cold Approach Pro's & Con's:

Con's:

1. You have no clue who you are meeting

By definition you are entering interactions cold. Besides the women's appearance, you have no idea who you are approaching or any indication of their personality for the most part. I used to overlook this as part of the process without taking any of the above into consideration. Until I experienced enough approach's and thought to myself: If I truly desire a life partner with aligned values and purpose, spending the majority of my efforts approaching random women starts to look absurd viewed from that lens. While cold approach is effective at building your skill set overall, approaching a women solely based on her looks starts to loose its appeal after awhile. Any wise man who's had his "fair share" will tell you that her looks only goes so far. I believe this is one of the largest oversights of the pickup community. People are more than just how they look. But with cold approach, that’s the only factor in our initial decision. I also noticed that pickup does not pay much attention to screening for women you actually like. Instead there’s this obsession with “closing” every girl and pushing each interaction which becomes compulsive and unhealthy.
 

2. The numbers game is not appealing or in your favour

This is very apparent during daytime approach's where in my experience 50%-60% of women have boyfriends. Couple that with the fact most people are in a rush on the street, finding an available girl to stop and chat becomes dismal. To be fair, your stats will improve as your skill level increases but only to a point. Here's a breakdown of the numbers I've found:

PUA's I've surveyed:

3-5 numbers per 10 approach's

1 date per 10 numbers

 

My Mentor:

4-5 numbers per10 approaches

2 dates

1 lay

 

3. Pickup has a massive learning curve

Success with women is a gargantuan endeavour even for those well socialized. You are forced to put your ego on the line and question your worldview at times. It will require an enormous amount of time/effort to see consistent results. It is not for the faint of heart and you will have to be motivated by something more than just sex.

 

Pro's:

1. Pickup teaches you to step up and take risk

Personally, I never would have had the courage to start my business with out first pursing cold approach pick up. It gave me the confidence to put myself on the line and face rejection which relates directly to my business success. If used consciously, pickup teaches you to develop rock solid inner game which translates to each area of your, life. I am very grateful for all the painful lessons I learned throughout my journey that grew me into the man I am today. This pursuit was one of the hardest things I've ever undertaken but also the most rewarding internally. 

 

2. Your potential dating pool is unlimited

I think this is the most appealing aspect of cold approach. The entire world of women opens up to you instead of defaulting to school, work, or social circle to meet them. It's a very empowering insight to know that you can take control of your dating life and have choice. 

 

Pro/Con Recap:

I've found cold approach to be a powerful tool for personal growth and becoming socially adept. I do still believe it's a great way to meet people romantically but I'm no longer naïve to it's limits. I personally see it as a supplement one should use in dating to contribute to living an already good life. Analogous to how a dietary supplement is intended to compliment an already established healthy diet. Without this insight, I don't believe cold approach is healthy long term and can lead to living a dysfunctional life.

 

My Next Steps:

I feel as though now is the time to take a step back and change my approach (pun). I am confident in the abilities I've build up over the last several years and ready to change it up. I know I can approach when the opportunity presents itself and not shy away. I do still feel a bit dishearten at my lack of tangible results with women after all my efforts. But I am clear as to what I want and trust that a natural organic way of meeting women will help me reach my goals. I see myself exploring my interests and meeting women who share the same. I want to build a lifestyle I’m proud of first and foremost. I realized I don't need to be searching for the next girl constantly. I'm after a solid connection and don't mind taking a slower more natural way to get there. I won't be setting any time to strictly cold approach. I'm tired of running around the streets for all the reasons mentioned above. Instead I will only approach if I see a girl that inspires me as I move through my day. I will be doing activities that give me joy first and meeting others is a bonus. Exploring new hobbies and interests will also spark a new zest for life inside me that I so desperately desire.

 

[Spiritual Warrior]

Ayyyyy good shit dude! You killed it. Very confident, smooth approach. Inspiring!

[NoSelfSelf]

You sound same as Tyler is this real 😆

Nice!

[Raze]

There aren’t many people here with good game knowledge, post on a different forum like skilled seducer for better feedback

[Soul_Guy]

Great job dude, keep it up! It's cool that you've decided to not go out specifically to daygame anymore, and instead just approach if you see a girl that inspires you as you move throughout your day. I think when first starting out with daygame, it's important to specifically go out and approach a lot of girls to get the reps in - that's exactly what I did too. But now that you know that you can do it, you can take a more natural approach and only approach girls who you genuinely feel inspired to approach. In general, I've found that these approaches tend to be better too because they are coming from a more authentic place.

[petar8p]

That was pretty good man, congrats! 

Something really cool about you is having a voice that really cuts through and you can project like crazy, that is impressive! 

Something I can say for you to work on based on this conversation is just to learn to spin the interaction your way. It seemed like basic, surface-level stuff. What makes you tick? Have fun. You're a nice dude

[mike41]

My observations:

1.  Cold approaches are only cold if you can't read the room.  Just observing the way a woman interacts with the world for a little bit will tell you a lot about her.  The same with her clothes, her friends and the way she interacts with you.  I'd argue that good PUAs do better because they are able to identify women that are interested.  There's a lot going on with little glances and smiles that happen before the introduction.  Try going to a busy place where pickup happens and observe the people around you.  When you can identify who is into who by their interactions you'll better be able to see it when it's happening to you.

2.  If the point of the interaction is to go on a date with someone then does it really matter too much how their personality is?  That's a thing I sort out on a first date.  I can suffer through 15 minutes of a coffee date with a woman I'm not interested in.

3.  Maybe you should try a place that isn't moving so fast.  It just makes things harder than it has to be in my opinion. 

4.  The numbers game is a reflection of your ability to find the right girl and build a bit of attraction.  I tried doing pickup recently and then quit because my evenings were more like 2 girls, 2 numbers, 2 dates and one accidental pickup.   It became a nonsense way to meet women because it was just too much to be useful and too little focus on screening.

5. Learn to lead in partner dance.  It will teach you all about having clarity and intent with your partners.  It will get you used to touching beautiful women.  You can use dancing to do pickup if you like.  Just don't hit on the women in your classes because you'll be seeing them for years.  You can just nab girls who don't dance from the sidelines for dates.

6. 370 approaches, 16 numbers, 1 date seems rough.  Counting lays as a result seems.... odd.  I'm sure you learned a lot about self confidence but that's quite a grind for not much in results.  You would think that after approach number 200 or so your methods would improve.

 

 

 

[The0Self]

Watched the video. Not bad. You kept it fun and light, made sure to make your intentions known, and didn’t seem too nervous (though if you’re not a psychopath I’m sure you were at least slightly nervous, as we all are when we approach). And it’s great that you weren’t using much if any permission speak (rising intonation) — never underestimate how unattractive permission speak is. A bit more downward/commanding tone would help you though. You used a small amount of rising intonation a few times at the beginning but it wasn’t outrageous or anything.

There were a few moments of getting a bit logical and serious (serious = pussy repellant), but otherwise? Not bad, brother! Tentatively, it seems your speech could have used a bit less of a filter (and she would have laughed a lot more than she did, which is not important in itself it’s just that no-filter gets you laid) but you can’t get it 100% perfect every time. That’s all the feedback I can think of right now. Thanks for posting.

And it’s great that you mentioned let’s grab a drink but you could have said something more specific like do you like margaritas… I know this place that has great ones, let’s go once we figure out what our schedules are like.

Edited November 9, 2023 by The0Self