I'm really insecure about missing out on the "college experience".

[Husseinisdoingfine]

I've been going through a depression recently, over reflecting of all the experiences I missed out on.

I went to a Community College for three years, it was only supposed to take two years but I messed up, got poor grades, had to drop and retake courses and I finished in three years. After that, my Community College grades just were never good, and the only school that accepted me was the one I dreaded most at having to go.
This school that I'm currently in is notorious for not having a party and social scene.
I looked on Instagram, before I deleted my account, and I see people who in the past two years while I was in the Community College, really living it up. They are going to parties, studying abroad, dating, and all that stuff.
College is supposed to be when you really explore yourself, other people, and have the 'best four years of you life', and the 'college experience'. But because I go to a University which is notorious for not having any parties or social scene, I will probably never be able to do any of that.
Also, not all of my Community College credits transferred through, so including this semester, I'll graduate within three years instead of two like I was hoping.

I will never know what it is like to be a young, stupid, and free person having the time of his life. I missed out on teen love, and now I'm missing out on the college experience. Within three years, I'll be a miserable wagie dragging himself to the office just like how I miserably drag myself to the classroom. I'll never know what it's like to have a group of my friends walk through a college town or a street in Paris and have fun at clubs. That's it, I missed out.

Even if I do get a girlfriend after graduating, firstly, she has been through 30+ chad/fratboy dicks. Secondly, she would no longer be a young and careless free person. After college, people are all formal stiffs who don't live the young person life anymore. They've gone through it and are over it, and are too mature to live like that anymore.

[ShardMare]

What stops you from not dating now and going to parties?

Can you do a masters degree in an other college?

Can you find a peer to go to the parties with?

Are you scared of rejection when dating or making new friends?

 

[something_else]

While I do really regret not having the 'college experience' or as we'd call it in the UK the 'university experience', I found it somewhat easy to make up for afterwards. It helps a lot if you have a good job making decent money. All you need is a few friends to go clubbing and partying with and you can get 90% of the experience that way.

However college does make it very easy to meet new people so you should try to do what you can to build a social life in uni.

Quote

But because I go to a University which is notorious for not having any parties or social scene, I will probably never be able to do any of that.

I find this kinda hard to believe. If you put tens of thousands of young people together like in a college, there will be plenty of parties. Start joining some clubs and organisations, and move into college dorms (if they exist where you are, idk how it works but we have them here) and you'll see plenty of parties.

6 minutes ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

Even if I do get a girlfriend after graduating, firstly, she has been through 30+ chad/fratboy dicks

You'd be surprised how many girls won't do this. Average body count at 25 in most western countries is like 7 or something around that.

[Husseinisdoingfine]

22 minutes ago, ShardMare said:

What stops you from not dating now and going to parties?

If you bothered to read the OP, I go to a University with a completely dead social scene and no parties.

[something_else]

10 minutes ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

If you bothered to read the OP, I go to a University with a completely dead social scene and no parties.

How do you know that this is the case?

[Princess Arabia]

Boy, are you living in the past and future. You must suffer from anxiety. I see you say you're depressed. No wonder. Look at the way you see things. Look how many "l'll's" you have there. I will never this and I will never that. She will have this and she will have done that. You are creating your story and then you're getting depressed about your own story. Sorry for the harsh words but that's what you're doing. See yourself how you would like things to be not what you missed out on or what negative things will happen.

 

Edited November 6, 2023 by Princess Arabia

[Schizophonia]

What is preventing you from flirting with womans of your group ?  

[Sincerity]

Stop comparing yourself to others.

3 hours ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

I will never know what it is like to be a young, stupid, and free person having the time of his life. I missed out on teen love, and now I'm missing out on the college experience. Within three years, I'll be a miserable wagie dragging himself to the office just like how I miserably drag myself to the classroom. I'll never know what it's like to have a group of my friends walk through a college town or a street in Paris and have fun at clubs. That's it, I missed out.

This is a shit lense to look at your life from. There has been a lot of beauty in your life. Why not focus more on that?

Besides, it's not over for You. You can still have a lot of fun in the rest of your 20s, and further.

3 hours ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

Even if I do get a girlfriend after graduating, firstly, she has been through 30+ chad/fratboy dicks. Secondly, she would no longer be a young and careless free person. After college, people are all formal stiffs who don't live the young person life anymore. They've gone through it and are over it, and are too mature to live like that anymore.

These are also shit assumptions. You'd be much better off throwing them in the garbage.

I know it's easy to say but have faith. With a mindset like this You're attracting all the bad stuff. You should focus more on what You want. Generate visions of your life which feel awesome to You. When You really want the good, it comes very fast to You. But You must first change your way of thinking.

I think there is sort of an inflection point which a human can go through where You stop focusing on what You don't want, negativity, worry and hopelessness and You cross into focusing on what You want, attracting beauty into your life, optimism, faith.

Faith is difficult when your life feels bleak. On the other hand, it's easy to have faith when things are going well. But that's weak faith. Build true faith when things feel hard and good things will come to You. You will get what You want but not in the ways that You can predict. And a lot of things which You thought You wanted will fade away, and that's okay. Build your character and be optimistic. There is a lot for You going forwards.

Edited November 6, 2023 by Sincerity

[Ulax]

I can relate to some of your attitudes.

I'd recommend incorporating some mindfulness meditation, and some depth psychotherapy, i.e. IFS therapy. If things get more severe on the depression front, can consider taking an antidepressant alongside the psychotherapy/ meditation.

 

Edited November 6, 2023 by Ulax

[Schizophonia]

Lol, It's well known that couples over 20 use hands to say hello, otherwise it's shame ohlolo.

The truth is that you were brutally humiliated somewhere in childhood, perhaps several times, and the information of that information was "I'm left out."
 

For reasons of existential fear, partly because you do not have enough experience, you are regularly tempted to make this trauma, this energy, part of your identity.

So you will disguise reality, sometimes in a very crude and spooky way, to maintain your identity.

 « I am the victim of life who arrives after everyone else, who does not have the right to love, because it is too late or blablablablabla.« 

 

[ShardMare]

@Husseinisdoingfine yes ive read the post but you can still go to a party anywhere else. So whats the actual thing that keeps you from going to partys?

[OBEler]

I think you romanitizise college life. 

It sucks for most people. Even going to Partys sucks. It's the most stressfull and saddest part of your life - at least for men in germany. 

You watch too many movies about college life. 

 

 

[Razard86]

On 11/6/2023 at 10:48 AM, Husseinisdoingfine said:

I will never know what it is like to be a young, stupid, and free person having the time of his life. 

^^^^Don't worry you'll be fine. You have plenty of time to reach this goal.

[koops]

On 6/11/2023 at 4:48 PM, Husseinisdoingfine said:

Even if I do get a girlfriend after graduating, firstly, she has been through 30+ chad/fratboy dicks. Secondly, she would no longer be a young and careless free person. After college, people are all formal stiffs who don't live the young person life anymore. They've gone through it and are over it, and are too mature to live like that anymore.

Bro come on. Stop that.

 

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0S93-iwxGmI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGH6sdODcOw

[Hojo]

not everyone in college gets to bang hot chicks all the time. if you think college is American pie then you have to notice yourself as the lowly nerd complaining about not having sex in college. they can but you have to play your part and not take yourself so seriously

Edited November 8, 2023 by Hojo

[Jacob Morres]

It's a nice experience but at the same time I think there are many awesome life experiences to have outside of that 

That is one of societies version of happiness, there's many ways to find happiness outside of that

And if u wanted that,  u could still do that as well. Making friends, travelling, partying. There's lots of social groups that part after college and stuff, that scene is still there. Ravers, bar goers, people that throw house parties. Tbh that scene is huge 

Slowly (or quickly if you'd like) put your time effort and attention to those things that you want. They're in your reach 

Edited November 9, 2023 by Jacob Morres

[Carl-Richard]

On 6.11.2023 at 5:20 PM, Husseinisdoingfine said:

If you bothered to read the OP, I go to a University with a completely dead social scene and no parties.

I actually don't believe you. No university has a "completely dead" social scene or no parties, just varying quantities of it. And that quantity doesn't actually mean anything, unless you plan on going to multiple parties at the same time (which is just not a thing). There are social people at every university, and they will find a way to party, and there is no way you can stop them. You just need to find them. 

You need to stop comparing yourself to some Nirvanic standard of what you think college should be and actually have the college experience. You're going to waste your college experience, but it's not because of your university: it's because of your attitude. Change your attitude.

Edited November 9, 2023 by Carl-Richard

[Yimpa]

I’ve missed out on all of that as well.

Instead of trying to fit a square peg into a circular hole, focus on appreciating the square for what it is (you), and discover square holes to fit into.

[Schizophonia]

On 11/11/2023 at 3:42 PM, Yimpa said:

I’ve missed out on all of that as well.

Instead of trying to fit a square peg into a circular hole, focus on appreciating the square for what it is (you), and discover square holes to fit into.

In any case, only the present moment has any importance, everything else is ego, the temptation to ruminate to create an identity (as a victim).