Song analysis: You can't always get what you want

[trenton]

This song has been heavy to me. This played at my grandpa's funeral. As the song played I remembered the look on his eyes as he got down on one knee and put his hand on my shoulder as he told me to be good. He was afraid that I might end up like my father who ended up involved in gang violence and drug deals. Grandpa had a lot of faith in me and hopes that I could change the fate of the family that had been involved in criminal activity for centuries. I collapsed at the funeral as this song played. I am coming back to the song in search of deeper meaning.

I wanted another chance to tell him I loved him but I couldn't have that. I became opposed to emotional bonds because if i let others get close to me it will hurt when they die. I was diagnosed with depression a couple of years later. I struggled with suicidal thoughts for over a decade. I became emotionally numb and I am trying to reconnect to a part of myself I disowned. 

I felt that I failed my grandpa because he had so much faith in me but I don't have faith In myself. To compensate for my lack of emotional connection to others I turned to pursuing career success, but it is hard to make it as a chess player. My grandpa wouldn't think of me as a failure. He understands that this struggle is just life.

I started meditating and releasing my desires and wants. I noticed that my strong attachment to wants actually makes me more miserable. If I have a burning desire that can't be fulfilled it makes me feel like I can never be happy. As I released my desires I felt happier and more at peace with myself.

One question I still have is what do I need? What do you think of this song?

[at_anchor]

@trenton oh that song reminds me of watching Dr. House. The last scene when they go off on motorcycles officialy pronounced dead, one because he has an arrest warrent, the other cancer, made me cry back then. And they go ofd with that song "Enjoy yourself, its later than you think".