Stuck In Victim Thinking

[Anirban657]

@Leo Gura,I had watched your How to not be a victim video over a year ago and I really got motivated to take control of my life. I have also been meditating for the last 5 months daily. But recently a lot of doubts started coming up in my head and I become judgemental and I also started demonizing a lot of people whom I didn’t like. I started becoming toxic and too concerned about morality. Now I am trying to be mindful whenever I start judging. But I am stuck in victim thinking. I am watching this video but I am not believing it. How do I move on?

Edited April 1, 2017 by Anirban657

[Guest Annetta]

I'm interested to see what you have to say as well.  @Leo Gura

[Saarah]

@Anirban657 If certain triggers keep leading you to victim mentality, try looking into doing some shadow work. There's probably some vulnerable feelings you need to resolve. 

[Anirban657]

I am sorry I am complaining. I was never this type of a person. Recently I had a traumatic experience. I will solve the problem. Thank you everybody for showing the support.

Leo has created numerous videos and I got a human potential that is limitless. I have already started doing my work that I was feeling victim at. To achieve greatly I have to be willing to fail greatly. I realise I am in a very low conscious state and to self actualize I have to have a price. The world ain't no sunshine and rainbow. Its a very mean and nasty place and it will beat me down to my knees and keep me there permanently if I let it. I am the only one responsible for my own destiny. Thank you!

[Guest Annetta]

@Anirban657

[Guest Annetta]

@My_Name_Is_Mud Follow your own advice - stop concerning yourself with what I do, and stop gaslighting, that shit really fucks with people.  A normal person can blow that off, no problem.  Not the case for me, so you need to stop.

[Anirban657]

@Whywolf Just now I read that gaslighting article. Wow that tells me a lot about my situation. Reality for me is really distorted. How do I get out of this?

[Guest Annetta]

@Anirban657 Do you come from a situation where you have been abused?  If you do come from a place where you have been or are currently being abused then simply dropping the "victim mentality" might honestly be coming from a place of inadequacy or guilt, which is what gaslighting does.  I don't really know much about it or how to break the cycle, as I have only read a few articles on it.

[Anirban657]

@Whywolf I am just bad in Maths, Physics and Chemistry in High School and I scored very bad in the last exams. That's why I am angry at myself. I think I am a victim but most of the time in my life I stood up for myself, my friends, family, anything that I thought was worth fighting for. Recently I am feeling depressed. 

I know deep inside I am not a victim in general. I studied by myself and I had no tutor. Time I am going to find a new tutor. I am currently watching Supergirl. The last few days have been a combo of depression and a lot of self help books reading. I need to get out of the bubble ASAP if I wish to stay normal.

Victim or fighter is not a state of mind but is a choice, isn't it?

 

[Scholar]

I think what would be most helpful for you right now is self-love, so you have the strength to get out of the victim state that you are currently in. It seems like your self-esteem is very low, and telling yourself that you have to do more to be better is probably counterproductive. When you tell yourself to stop being a victim, ironically, you are literally making yourself a victim. 

 

Picture the subconscious mind as a little child or animal, and your conscious thoughts as a person who interacts with that child.

The child, when it fails at an exam, is sad and scared for it's fture. It feels worthless, not worthy of love. Listen to your thoughts.

You are angry at the child for being a victim. You call the child pathetic, worthless. You hate the child for being weak. You expect it to be better, to be stronger.

Now, how does that make the child feel? How would that make any child feel like?

 

Unfortunately, this is not just an exaggerated metaphor, this is really how it works. Your conscious thoughts can be either the abuser, the bringer of hell and suffering, or they can be a guardian, a lover and protector of your inner child, of the subconscious mind. If you had a child, and it was broken, sad and lonely. It was weak and scared. How would you help that child? You wouldn't demand it to be stronger, would you?

The simple and most effective solution to heal the wounds of that child, to help it create self-esteem, is showing it unconditional love. You have to tell it that it is fine. It's not ugly, it's not weak, it's not bad in any way. It's beautiful, and it needs help. It needs your aid, your protection. And you will promise it that you will do anything you can to help it prosper. You will encourage it, you will take care of it when it needs you.

This way it will grow stronger, it will feel loved. Whether you believe me or not, your subconscious mind does exist. And it is what controls your emotional state, and your self worth. If you don't treat it kindly, like you would anyone you love, then it will crumble into dust. It will create mechanisms to protect itself, it will be scared and hateful. It is how you treat it that will decide of your future.

 

Every thought you have is taken in by your subconscious. So be very careful of what you think about yourself. Don't do the same mistake so many other parents do when they try to help their child. Don't force that little child to become a warrior before it is ready.

Now, if you have someone who loves you, who truly cares about you, they will do that for you. But there is really no difference whether it is your lover, or yourself, who is talking to that helpless child. If you have noone, you still have yourself.

 

Take care of it whenever it feels bad, and I mean actually taking care of it. Listen to how it feels, and tell it that everything will be fine. Right now that's what it needs, and it might take months, even years, before it grows strong enough to face the realities of the world.

[Anirban657]

@Scholar I will keep that in mind and do it. Thank you! I feel much better.

[Bodhi123]

@Anirban657 Something that helped me is the simple phrase, "No one is coming".

No one is coming to improve your life for you. Only you can save yourself.

[Guest Annetta]

@Anirban657

This video has been helpful for me, just watched it and I feel so so much better, I hope it helps you too.