Not getting responses to my texts

[Spiritual Warrior]

Alright, in the past two weeks, I've gotten two phone numbers.

The first girl, I danced and talked with all night, probably for 3 hours total, got her number, texted her a couple of days later and invited her to a mutual friends party, no response. 

Second girl, I walked up to a cute girl at a bar and talked to her for 10-15 minutes. I felt like I killed it, had her laughing. A couple of days later, I ask her out on a date, no response. 

I'm determine to trudge on so I guess it doesn't matter, but is this a common occurrence? 

Edited October 31, 2023 by Spiritual Warrior

[Spiral]

Sometimes girls are in a good mood and are up for it with you tonight. However couple of days later she isn’t in the mood anymore so she doesn’t care about you.

So if you wanna get laid try to do it the same night or at least when it comes to night game.

Edited October 31, 2023 by Spiral

[Spiritual Warrior]

I want a serious relationship though, not trying to get laid 

[Princess Arabia]

6 minutes ago, Spiritual Warrior said:

I want a serious relationship though, not trying to get laid 

Maybe that's the problem. Not saying it's a problem, but the energy you're giving off is kinda scaring them off...or not. Not saying you should go around just trying to get laid, because that would also give off a certain vibe, but it's very rare people set out at first to try finding a serious relationship, usually it just happens. Marriage is a different story, usually both would have to already seen that picture in the mind, 

Just go out to have fun at first and enjoy. If they respond later, they respond, if they don't they don't. No one says you have to get laid, There are special online dating sites that cater to people looking for marriage or serious dating. Maybe you could look into that. Just going out and meeting random people at bars and nightclub where people are drinking and the vibes are different ,won't really be the fastest way to get a serious relationship even though it can happen. Keep an eye out 24/7, not agressively, but leave yourself open. At the grocery store, malls, walking, just day-to-day activities, not just at nightclubs and bars, anywhere. She past you along already, you just weren't looking.

[something_else]

1 hour ago, Spiral said:

Sometimes girls are in a good mood and are up for it with you tonight. However couple of days later she isn’t in the mood anymore so she doesn’t care about you.

So if you wanna get laid try to do it the same night or at least when it comes to night game.

This is it. Nightgame is very 'now' focused. If you don't do anything on the night, the chance of anything coming from it later is quite low.

If you want to increase the odds of something happening later you can talk about what you want to do in the future on the night e.g. "lets go for a drink next week" but game it up a little bit, make it playful and fun. Make it clear to her what you are looking for and lead her in that direction.

[Spiritual Warrior]

48 minutes ago, something_else said:

If you want to increase the odds of something happening later you can talk about what you want to do in the future on the night e.g. "lets go for a drink next week" but game it up a little bit, make it playful and fun. Make it clear to her what you are looking for and lead her in that direction.

Yes.... I love this. I just learned about this in my dance instructor training... You want to implant a vision of the future in your students mind... when it comes to pickup.. you want to implant a vision of our future together in the girls mind. It's the same idea. Nice insight, thank you. 

[Pav]

You don't want to wait multiple days before texting a girl, in day game you'd want to text them later that evening or the at most the next day. In night game you really want to pull that night. Getting a girl's number at a club is unlikely to lead to a date, they are looking to get laid that night.

Also what exactly are you texting them?

2 hours ago, Spiritual Warrior said:

I want a serious relationship though, not trying to get laid 

Hook ups can lead to relationships. Probably a better idea to do day time interactions or social circle if this is what you're after, there's also dating apps such as Hinge.

[The0Self]

4 hours ago, Spiritual Warrior said:

Alright, in the past two weeks, I've gotten two phone numbers.

The first girl, I danced and talked with all night, probably for 3 hours total, got her number, texted her a couple of days later and invited her to a mutual friends party, no response. 

Second girl, I walked up to a cute girl at a bar and talked to her for 10-15 minutes. I felt like I killed it, had her laughing. A couple of days later, I ask her out on a date, no response. 

I'm determine to trudge on so I guess it doesn't matter, but is this a common occurrence? 

This should help clear up some blind spots you have.

1. Yes, this is a very, very common occurrence. So don’t psych yourself out. See point #4 for a more detailed explanation of this.

2. Always text her the next day after first meeting her. Say: “hey it’s [name] from [place]” … Optionally, send a good pic of yourself. When/if she replies to that, say: “what’s your schedule like this week to [get drinks/smoothies/coffee / activity]?” When she gives availability, choose the soonest possible time that works for both of you; say: “cool let’s plan for [day] at [time]. We can meet at [place] for [activity], sound good?”

If she’s too busy, attempt to make tentative plans. If she still says she can’t, say: “cool np” … If that happens or if she stops replying for any reason OR if she didn’t reply at all, what you do is: Wait 2 days, then reinitiate by sending a funny meme. Give up after 3 tries (of waiting 2 days before reinitiating).

The night before the date, text something like “excited to meet you tomorrow :)” — you definitely don’t want to be completely silent from the time you plan it to the time you both arrive.

3. It helps to be doing this dance with at least 3 girls at all times, and preferably 10-15. More than 20 is too much. But in my experience there’s a bit of a hole you can fall into when the number of girls you’re talking to (romantically / with non-platonic intentions) drops below about 3-8 and it can take some patience to get out of it. Until you’ve found an exclusive relationship, if that’s what you’re looking for. But if going weeks without getting laid is not a big deal at all for you, this isn’t a problem.

4. (Important) For every 10 numbers you get, you will sleep with at most 1 girl, on average. On the other hand, if you run your dates well, you’ll sleep with at least half of the girls you go on a date with, on the first date…

…therefore, the drudgery is right up to the point of you and the girl both arriving at the date location — just at and beyond that point, the close-rate % sharply jumps from 10% at best (0-10%), right up to 50-80%. So you’re in at least a 5-8x better position. So the importance and investment of what happens before that point should be starkly low in relation to after — don’t place any importance at all on rejection, but especially don’t place any importance on rejection before the date happens, because even with perfect game it will be mostly rejection.

Btw “running you dates well” means:

Framing the date as discovering that there’s chemistry for you two to go to your place or her place after. Talking roughly the same amount as her. Saying whatever comes to mind (not trying to impress her or be someone you’re not), bouncing between different conversation threads as feels natural, and dropping threads that get bad reactions. And MOST importantly: sexualizing and staying out of the friend zone.

 

And if she doesn’t sleep with you on the first date, all is not lost. Some girls have a hard rule of not sleeping with a guy until at least the 3rd date (a good thing imo), but depending on how horny she is you can often break it on the first and especially the second date. She can be naked in your bed and even so, because it’s only date 2 or especially 1, she simply won’t have sex if she’s abiding by a firm rule she has. Consider avoiding nice, dinner, or nice dinner dates until after sleeping with her though.

If you want to stay fuck buddies, avoid seeing the girl more than once a week. If you want to be more than that, seeing her more than once a week will prompt it.

Edited October 31, 2023 by The0Self

[Applegarden8]

Don't take my example, but I kinda gave up on it, but I have my reasons.

I just can't see what relationship will fullfill in my life, despite wanting it. Especially on a good day, it's totally not necessary for me. I can be happy on my own and when I am miserable I got myself to work with it and sit trough it. When you are afraid of something, you can't tell anybody else about it, you have to face the feeling constantly, and then you reflect and gain insight about you. There is some attraction, but remembering the suffering in life and what causes it is stronger, so I want to deal with that.

"Ohh, but what if you get lonely, old or nobody will take care of you" let it be, I will prepare mentally for it now, than wait for the perfect one at 50, now that is delusional. Only thing what will happen in your area will be that people will bully you that you are not in a relationship, but their life kinda sucks anyway and they don't want to improve it and just talk shit about somebody or just a nowhere nobody like me.

Your only problem in this scenario is getting roof over your head and watching your health like a hawk. Then you should be fine by yourself. But that is not what I am suggesting, if you have urges and want to live them, go.

Also she will find a guy who will do all that with her in her area without me and you also. But almost nobody will write to me and you and will really not be genuinely interested in you is my experience and it's OK. I accept that. I just don't give a shit anymore.

Edited October 31, 2023 by Applegarden8

[The0Self]

6 hours ago, Pav said:

Getting a girl's number at a club is unlikely to lead to a date, they are looking to get laid that night.

A number is always somewhat unlikely to lead to a date, it’s a numbers game after all. You want to be getting 5-15 numbers a night from bars and clubs, only pulling if their logistics are good — often they won’t be, and then you can go for the number and preferably tentative or even definite date plans too (after it’s clear their logistics aren’t good). They aren’t always looking to get laid that night (mainly because if they’re hot they know it’ll happen if they want it to), but even if many are, you can often get 1-2 dates out of 5-15 numbers, and 1 new lay, on average. So only 5-15 numbers for the whole week would not be super reliable — 20+ numbers a week (from night, day, and preferably online too) should result in roughly 1-2 new lays a week with some practice though.

[itsadistraction]

23 minutes ago, The0Self said:

A number is always somewhat unlikely to lead to a date, it’s a numbers game after all. You want to be getting 5-15 numbers a night from bars and clubs, only pulling if their logistics are good — often they won’t be, and then you can go for the number and preferably tentative or even definite date plans too (after it’s clear their logistics aren’t good). They aren’t always looking to get laid that night (mainly because if they’re hot they know it’ll happen if they want it to), but even if many are, you can often get 1-2 dates out of 5-15 numbers, and 1 new lay, on average. So only 5-15 numbers for the whole week would not be super reliable — 20+ numbers a week (from night, day, and preferably online too) should result in roughly 1-2 new lays a week with some practice though.

Holy shit dude, you have done your homework. Gentlemen, take notes and listen to @The0Self 

[universe]

 Guys, he is not trying to get laid

 

Completely normal. You have to know that girls also have a life and sometimes also problems when it comes to dating. So even if you "killed" it on your first impression. That doesn't help your cause, when she is unsure wether or not she even wants to get into something new right now. Oftentimes, girls have this whole dialogue in their head about if dating right now is good for her or not.

And as mentioned already, mood changes. One day she might feel like going out and meeting new people, the other day she won't and there is something completely different on her mind.

That being said. What exactly did you type? Asking her to come to a party right away might be off putting. It also sets you up as the "party guy".

[Spiritual Warrior]

Thank you everybody, I found this very beneficial and comforting and I appreciate the time and energy that you all put into this. 

Here are my lessons learned from all of you: 

1. It is normal to not get responses back from my texts. Things that I can do to get more responses back: Lead better at the first interaction, I want to be planning our future together right from the tip off.
2. Getting laid can actually be the take off point into having an intimate relationship. So maybe I should just start trying to lead the girl into having sex with me. Maybe there is nothing wrong with this and it is actually how it works... We all love sex. 
3. I need more volume. 2 numbers in two weeks is NOT ENOUGH
4. It's about the journey. Going through the ups and downs of this work is the real reward. Don't get too attached to one particular girl. You are meant to be with that special someone but that will come at the end of the pick up rainbow. Buckle in and enjoy the ride. 

And I trudge on... 

[Spiritual Warrior]

3 hours ago, universe said:

That being said. What exactly did you type? Asking her to come to a party right away might be off putting. It also sets you up as the "party guy".

This is exactly what I sent: "Hi _____, ______ and ______ are having a Halloween party at their house in ________ on Saturday and I was just wondering if you would like to come"

No response. She also knows the people throwing the party so I thought that it would make her super comfortable, but I do see your point. Maybe the party invite wasn't the best idea, shes also 33 so might not be her scene. Would she have responded to a coffee or bar invite? Not sure... Maybe I was scared of taking her out on a real date... so I took the easy route and invited her to a party... 

 

20 hours ago, Pav said:

Also what exactly are you texting them?

This is what I said to the second girl that I met at a bar and talked to for 15 minutes. "Whats up ______. This is Ben from the bar. I found this pottery place in _______ where they give you supplies and you get to mess around and make stuff for a couple of hours. Would you like to go with me?" And I put the link to the place. 

No response. I remembered that she enjoys doing pottery, so I thought this would be a cool date idea. I probably didn't create enough comfortability between the two of us to ask her out on a date immediately. Maybe in this situation I should be conversing with her a little bit through text before asking her out. The problem with this is that I don't enjoy texting... I just want to talk in person. 

[NoSelfSelf]

Tell me what did you write in text tho?

Now i see your text, you need to entice her why to come, paint a picture of how its going to be between you two not some party where she doesnt know anyone...she read that and felt boredom...

What you could not be understanding about the game is that you should be the same in the person and over text,over telephone or over fax,mail etc. if you are different over text than in person  its a insta turn off game over...you were funny in real life be same over text but not in a way that only you understand the joke...(so she feels and remember you in the same way you made it work like you said in real life,or you could be only one that noticed "chemistry")..

Edited November 1, 2023 by NoSelfSelf

[Spiritual Warrior]

13 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

What you could not be understanding about the game is that you should be the same in the person and over text,over telephone or over fax,mail etc. if you are different over text than in person  its a insta turn off game over...you were funny in real life be same over text but not in a way that only you understand the joke...(so she feels and remember you in the same way you made it work like you said in real life,or you could be only one that noticed "chemistry")..

Yeah that's a great point. I wasn't being playful or funny at all in the text, it was all logical, mechanical, boring, like a robot asking a girl to hang out with him. 

[NoSelfSelf]

@Spiritual Warrior Yeah next time add why you want you two together there, set up the mood so she in her mind can set an expectation, with fun details or best add the voice message after text, or a video of a place of party to make her wonder what could be,  anything to be different(show you are creative)...

Its on you based on your personality style to create it, im just giving the ideas...

Edited November 1, 2023 by NoSelfSelf

[The0Self]

1 hour ago, Spiritual Warrior said:

She also knows the people throwing the party so I thought that it would make her super comfortable, but I do see your point. Maybe the party invite wasn't the best idea, shes also 33 so might not be her scene. Would she have responded to a coffee or bar invite? Not sure... Maybe I was scared of taking her out on a real date... so I took the easy route and invited her to a party... 

Yeah that is a route that seems likely to lead to the friend zone unless you framed the date to go to one of your places after — maybe text/ask: “is it cool if we split a bottle of wine / watch a movie at your/my apt after? Assuming the chemistry is good of course ;)”…

You also generally want to somehow make it clear that it’s not “for sex” if she objects with “you just want to sleep with me” (token objection) — you both know it is potentially for sex, but some shitty guys actually think the girl owes him sex if you two go home together, and she may be wondering if you’re one of those, and she will be extremely appreciative that you aren’t one.

You want to do something one on one where the main focus is on you two (the activity itself is a mere prop and thus should be as insignificant as possible so as to not detract from chemistry, i.e. drinks/coffee).

The primary purpose of a date: improve logistical situation for intimacy, so that you maximally increase your chances of bringing the girl into your life and become and stay lovers, not just friends.

More creative date ideas (and nice dinners) are for after intimacy is already established. If you do what every other guy is doing, you’ll often get walked all over or even cheated on by not giving the emotional satisfaction women crave and have a hard time finding.

Girls often don’t even know how to have sex without the guy leading completely — girls will reward you for leading.

After sex, don’t feel like you need to hold back how beautiful she looks. Women aren’t scared away by this if it’s a guy she already slept with — it only scares them away if you lay it on thick before she has invested anything in you (basically sex).

Edited November 1, 2023 by The0Self

[Schizophonia]

I have the opposite problem, I could very quickly get into a relationship if I wanted to with a girl from my university, but I don't have the motivation to push things because I find few girls who really hurt me in the good sense of the term.

I see this whole thing about pick-ups and dating sites as a mental illness, the idea of cross-dressing to try to please a random person is beyond me.
It's not surprising that you don't have an answer, I find that it's even normal that a normally constituted human being is not interested in seeing someone with whom he has nothing in common in particular.

Btw, I understand the need to "ride the tiger" depending on the context, but no one in their right mind and honesty will assert that the democratization of these things is a good plan for a civilization

[petar8p]

On 31. 10. 2023. at 4:28 PM, Spiritual Warrior said:

The first girl, I danced and talked with all night, probably for 3 hours total, got her number, texted her a couple of days later and invited her to a mutual friends party, no response. 

Yeah, text immediately so she matches the number with you and text her after you wake up to plan up a date that week. Don't invite her to a friends party, go 1-on-1 to have a better setup for getting to know her further..

On 31. 10. 2023. at 8:02 PM, The0Self said:

More than 20 is too much.

Not really. If it's second part of the night and you picked her, you should focus on her. The first part of the night you spray, the second part you have a laser focus and spend more than half an hour with the girl you're most interested in or think has the best chances of sticking. Keepin in mind you're talking to her and getting to know her while dancing..