Contemplating about my opiate use. Is it really that bad?

[Javfly33]

This is not really a mental health problem but since posting it in any other sub would be off topic I thought this was the most proper place. 

Basically I´ve been doing opiates for the past 6 years and in retrospect I have to say I´m not sure if I should quit or not.

My biggest motivation to quit last year was being able to go deeper in my spiritual practice (meditation and yoga), and in fact I was able to go much deeper and learn a lot, life got more profound and I thought I was going 'somewhere' finally, but at the end of the day I didn't solve my traumas which honestly is the cause that in the first place I started trying drugs in the first place. 

As I said in this 6 years of use I have taken breaks and sometimes I quit them for 'long' time (last time I was 6-7 months withouth using), but I end up coming back because I basically don't see much difference on quality of life, and I miss the feeling of emotional safety of them, ultimately is all because of the trauma I guess. 

The best part of being sober is never feeling sick, and being able to get the benefits of my spiritual practice at its fullest,  but if I´m honest I sometimes think I prefer to be 10-20% of the week feel sick but being able to feel incredible peacefulness and mood-boost 80% of time. 

Also just the feeling of knowing you have that crutch of stability/peacefulness/optimistism in a pill, already sometimes makes me feel good, withouth not even taking them lol. Just knowing one has that. 

And Health effects opiates are probably the safest drug on the planet. Constipation would be the only downside, but it can totally be controlled with correct supplementation as magnesium and fibre, and a good diet. At this point my body feels completely normal doing them. I don't have health any side effects. 

I don't know, probably I will end up quitting them in the near future. Is not like I have the most compulsive use in the planet, as I written in other subforms, the state of consciousness I experience with Yoga, blows out the water the highs of drugs. So is not like is the 'best high in the world'. Is more like is a high that I still can do things and be productive, but with a subtler feeling of eternal energy and mood boost. It just seems that makes life less rough and difficult. Is a habit that doesn't seem to make my life 'a wreck' or make me homeless, like culture usually believes all opiate users are.

Also, this is not like I´m in the 'honeymoon period', like this is like my 6 year of using after using for the first time. I´m speaking with a certain use experience. 

(Btw, when I say opiates I don't include heroin in them. Heroin is a whole other beast and it has a category on its own. I don't use it nor I plan to, Do not try heroin, is not in the same 'bag' as the rest of drugs. )

Edited October 28, 2023 by Javfly33

[Guest Bazooka Jesus]

Well, it looks like you have two options: Either keep on numbing the chronic symptoms with short-acting methods and substances or get proper therapy and uproot the cause of it.

There is no real right or wrong here. Your life, your choice. Nobody can make this decision for you.

[Salvijus]

That black thread you got if put on the right wrist would help you to come out of it. And it would fill you with motivation and inspiration to do the practice consistantly. 

[lizz_luna]

This is from personal experience. After moving to Canada from Mexico and experiencing challenging situations I started using Weed and Mushrooms somewhat regularly. I didn't have  strong support system here that helped me get through the difficulties. My dad passed and I was far away and my only way to cope was to smoke, the winters are rough and there's not a lot to do. So drugs really "supported" me.

I would feel great. I would have awakenings, and mind bending experiences. I would feel like my personal development was improving and I was doign great. The factor that really changed me was when I started wanting to quit. I would have this intuitive thoughts that I wanted to, but out of habit, or desire, I would go back. Every week. I did a "sober challenge" for 6 months and It was great, however, I went back after. I wanted that again. That is when I realized I had a true addiction.

To me that was really difficult to accept and it was only through the help of support systems like my mother, my partner, and my therapist helping me recognize that it is indeed an addiction. So key questions I ask are:

What do I GET from drugs and why do I do it?

-Inspiration, Perspective, Calmness, Relaxation, Happiness, are all very common reasons why. 

Next question, how can I get these from other activities other than using drugs?

Also, the fact that you are even asking this question, speaks to me about genuine contemplation of this use. Nobody but you can determine what is right or wrong, you get to decide! To me personally, I have decided now to explore these concepts without drugs, as I started using them very young, and havent really allowed myself to go through life fully without them.

[Javfly33]

On 29/10/2023 at 11:21 AM, Bazooka Jesus said:

Well, it looks like you have two options: Either keep on numbing the chronic symptoms with short-acting methods and substances or get proper therapy and uproot the cause of it.

There is no real right or wrong here. Your life, your choice. Nobody can make this decision for you.

@Bazooka Jesus The thing is I´m not sure. Last year I had the idea of, is all states of energy and consciousness. There are thoughts more highly vibratory and less vibratory. So I´m just going to handle my inner state of energy. No more 'self concept'. That went well, for some time. But then "the mind got me."

So the healing thing. In a way maybe is the way, in other way, I fear is part of the problem, like just going down the spiral of trauma but never seen to go anywhere. Things as getting therapy or something already feels like weak, maybe is just going to lower energies. I fear engaging with it might be the devil in disguise.

Or not, you never know. Is quite a macabre puzzle piece I´m in. 

On 29/10/2023 at 3:11 PM, Salvijus said:

That black thread you got if put on the right wrist would help you to come out of it. And it would fill you with motivation and inspiration to do the practice consistantly. 

Ok thanks I will put it.

On 31/10/2023 at 2:53 PM, lizz_luna said:

 

Next question, how can I get these from other activities other than using drugs?

Also, the fact that you are even asking this question, speaks to me about genuine contemplation of this use. Nobody but you can determine what is right or wrong, you get to decide! To me personally, I have decided now to explore these concepts without drugs, as I started using them very young, and havent really allowed myself to go through life fully without them.

My spiritual practice can give me those things but sometimes it doesn't. The drugs is just like 100% effective, unless you develop tolerance lol. So I guess they are not that effective either

[LSD-Rumi]

Do you have a meditation practice? Nothing makes you feel safe and secure than a great session of meditation. 

 

[Schizophonia]

What opiate?
I know someone who was on oxycodone and tramadol.