My life is nothing🌸🎥

[Sabth]

5:20AM

I dreamed that Jennie had already had a child. 

[Sabth]

Am I really have becomes bored of life? 

[Sabth]

Have I wasted my youth? 

[Sabth]

. 

Edited December 9, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

Currently I have a lot of cheap things that I want to buy that have accumulated to become expensive because there's a lot of it. I can't ask my mom for it because she would probably wouldn't buy me those things. Currently it is at a little above $6k. Hahaha is that a lot? 

[Sabth]

There are three or four(or five or six) expensive things and the rest are just cheap things a lotttt..

There are 63 items in my cart. Seven of it are $5894.47 and the rest of it (56) are only $147.63. 

so the expensive things are a lot. 

Edited December 9, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

I feel like I want to go to a local university in my state. Right now it's evening and it's dark. It's about to rain. And I feel like I am doing nothing. I might as well fill my time with pursuing a degree. Am I not going to do anything forever? Today I haven't done anything. I slept until 12:00PM. Or maybe later. Then woke up. Then pray at 3PM and now it's 4:47PM. I still had nothing to do. I feel tired of my life. I am the only one at home with my parents. 

[Sabth]

If I take a Bachelor of x at xUniversity x next year January for foundation I'll be 28years old 

        Foundation 28years old |1 year| 2024 

        Bachelor Degree 29years old - 31years old |3 years| 2025-2027

 

Do you think it's worth it? $33k per year annually. And I will be old once I graduated. With a degree in Design. Do you think this degree is good? And worth it? I'm thinking of spending my four another year of my life. I will be an old woman. Is that better that I will be a 31year old with a design degree in S rather than a mother (of a few childrens) and wife? I'm imagining the 31 year old me. 

I'd rather have a lot of experiences within these four years doing whatever I want and be free, instead of being tied to a four year courses (university degree). 

Would that be better? 

Edited December 10, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

Which one is better? 

[Sabth]

Or should I go to a non local university? So that I could at least experienced other country and other weathers/climate? 

My life could be focused on creating a cute babies hh..

[Sabth]

Or, I wanna take a degree in filmmaking. But I don't know any scholarship for such degree

[Sabth]

I'm bored. 

6:06PM

[Sabth]

I eat a Thai dish when I went to x last week and it was so tasty. Now I feel like I want to ask my mom to cook it. 

I think it's Khao mok.

Edited December 11, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

1:23AM 

I dreamed that I was in a slum. And there was a kid , disfigured, who want to shot me with a needle , an injection, and I was on a pulley going downhill. We were really close. These kids are crazy. I would have looked at people who are cacat lowly. It's like a world of hell. But I was from a highland. High mountain? I don't know. But going down, we go through this pulley. I was from high up. This thing fit only one person per cable. And I'm going down. Then I see my younger cousins wanna shot my sister too. And I freaked out. Telling her that he wanna shot her with an injection. It was really scary. What's up with all these slum? 

[Sabth]

12.12.23

Have I lost a lot in my life?

 

[Sabth]

I curse the people who have taken my diaries. And my academic transcript. And my drawings. 

And my books. And my phone. And my gold. 

 

Edited December 12, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

20211227

[Sabth]

Actually killing myself is better now rather than forcing myself to live in a world where I've lost everything. Everything that are meaningful to me had been taken away from me. There's nothing in this world that I love left and nothing that I can create that I will love any longer. 

There's nothing. All of my collectibles and memories and treasures had been destroyed. My youth. My everything. There's nothing not a single word in this world that I love left. Everything are irrelevant. Everything are meh. I'm just cruising in life. I don't love life. My precious memories and footage had been lost [digital] and my camera's broken and my physical diaries since I childhood through early adulthood had been stolen or destroyed. My phone my contact my artworks since I was a child. Everything. Everything that I love. My achievement. My certificate. It all had been destroyed. 

I don't feel any appeal to living anymore. My life is useless. It's pointless. I don't wanna live anymore. I'm too old to create great arts now. My eyes are no longer good. I create masterpieces when I was young. 

[Sabth]

The clothes that I wear last December that has blood on it :

Because they put a needle on my hand. And they tied me to the bed. I wasn't aggressive or even do anything. But I managed to free myself that night. And I pull out the needle from my hand. And the blood spurs out. And stained my clothes. 

I haven't wear it since. My mom has wash it. 

Edited December 12, 2023 by Sabth

[Sabth]

I won't wear this cloth anymore.