the show must go on - career in showbusiness

[at_anchor]

I don't know the specifics of how I want my life to proceed. I can't find the inner vision that is hidden because I'm blindfolded by society, family, my own fear and resentments. I can't find this vision by looking outside myself at what other people do or by following their directions. Some people do have a lot of power over me and the power they wield ober me could be final.

But I'd like to work in this world, to position myself in a safe spot. However that's impossible since I'm not German and can't go looking for work there thank's to people who wield power over me.

So I'm considering becoming a YouTuber even if the content I create won't pay my bills, I still want to work and make something good, to help certain people I love, to create videos that are good. I'm afraid I can't make good videos. I also don't know what my niche should be. Maybe a combo of teaching a language and basic personal development advice from some top 10 books I find here, then maybe one day i finally get to make videos with psychedelics, but who am I kodding here? That's never going to happen.

So I just wanted to post this, although at this point I don't think any more advice can be given because I find myself in an inescapable and dire situation in life.

[at_anchor]

8 hours ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

Like right now. What is holding you back from taking the necessary steps RIGHT FUCKING NOW?! And no bullshit! Don't lie to yourself! Think about it. Right NOW!

• I'm poisoned
• I lack equipment
• I am living with monsters who want to hurt me and destroy me so I'm insecure
• I haven't meditated in a very long time and I can't do it anywhere around here
• I lack a comfortable, clean, well set, warm room with all the equipment
• I'm untalented
• Soon someone else will do this to make me feel inferior or something and then I'll give up on it forever.

[at_anchor]

@DefinitelyNotARobot enough for today, i took notes, translated and made a video in the worst time possible and published it on insta. If i started in the past on YouTube it would have worked. 

Publishing on YouTube makes me feel ashamed for being so unwell I can't just memorize everything and say it.