I'm Racist And I Want To Stop

[a e l i]

Please don't be mean 

I've had prejudices about other races/cultures for quite a long time. Lately I've been realizing how it's weighing down me, I'm constantly ruining my mood like this. I live in Europe, and as you know, refugees are constantly coming in. It's already a sad situation, but racism just makes it a lot worse: my town lately has been getting filled with these people, I see them everywhere and I feel... disgusted, honestly, and I'm also afraid. And I hate it, these negative emotions are ruining me.

Rationally, I understand that not all people of a certain group are the same... And I acknowledge that an open-minded person doesn't assume things about someone before getting to know them well. I also have proved this to myself, since I do know some black people who I consider to be good. But yeah, feelings are not rational.

Do you have any advice on how to deal with this? I can't find anything unbiased on the Internet, and I can't talk about it with the people I know since they're either going to hate me or support my racism. I just want to walk down the street without all these negative thoughts, it's a pain in the ass.

[mostly harmless]

Years before the Holocaust, the Nazis separated children. They made sure, that jewish children went to different schools. It is a lot more easy to demonize people who are not friends with those you intend to indoctrinate.

My advice would be for you to volunteer in assisting refugees with organizing their life and burocratic necessities and teaching them your language. I am pretty sure that will affect your attitude more than any theoretic consideration.

[Shin]

45 minutes ago, a e l i said:

Please don't be mean 

There is no reason to be mean,

You're not racist, your thoughts are.

Edited March 31, 2017 by Shin

[Nahm]

@a e l i Assuming you're Caucasian...uh....haven't you noticed how all white people are not the same? Can you see this is true with all humans?

Just for effect:    You are just like all white people. You're all the same. 

See how silly that is?

 

One love 

Offer random acts of kindness to them. Ask them how they're doing. Ask them how hard it's been. Ask more than a few. You will see how different they are. 

Something else that might help....whoever you are, wherever you are, you are you and you are there because your ancestors migrated there. You are the same as them.

[zazed]

Racism = fear of the unknown. 

The easiest way to get over this fear, is to actually get to know some of these people. One of the nicest people i know lives in Saudi Arabia and is a Muslim. He is funny, has the same hobbies as me and is generally fun to talk with. When some terrorist attacks happen, and we talk about it, he is always deeply sad, more sad than i am about it.

Also, don't act on the fear, see it for what it is. And know it is incorrect and based in ignorance. These people have dreams and hope's, just like you do. They just want to live a happy life, just like you do. They are not all out to harm you, just like you are not out to harm them.
Like Shin says, "you are not racist, your thoughts are."

I'm also from europe, and i know how you feel. And when walking in a neighborhood i will also fear a group of colored indivuals hanging around and looking at me in the city. Then one once came to bum a cigarette of me, and shook my hand and tanked me for it, when i was in Paris.

Educate yourself, read up on where they come from, what they had to endure. There is a lot of fake news from racist groups on the internet, learn the real truth about their origins and their suffering. You can only feel sorry for them, i would not wish on my worst enemy what some of these people had to endure.

Also remember, there is no relation between terrorism and being "brown" (no racism intended). It is just a sad coincidence right now, and it must be horrible for those people to be identified with terrorism just because of their color.
There are bad people in all races. There have been white terrorist groups in the past, as well as serial killers, did we suddenly start to fear our own race then? 

 

 

[ctro]

Remove the negative/racist viewpoint from your circle of influence (friends/family/news/media). Try to form your own opinion by actually meeting these people.

[Scholar]

As people said, a good way to free yourself of racism is simply understanding. Racism, like so many other problems we face, is rooted soley in ignorance. Your emotions come from a lack of awareness, so to alter them you need to expand your awareness.

Be aware of the mechanical nature of the human mind, how helpless it is to it's own doing. Let go of the strange belief that somehow the human mind possesses free will. "Will" itself is a very intregal aspect of the mind that can be investigated. People act the way they do for a reason, no matter what the action is. They have no control whatsoever over the reason.

This is the notion you will have to give up, because it doesn't matter whether you are right or wrong. Maybe most refugees are intolerant and evil, maybe they are not. It shouldn't really matter whatsoever. If you see the full truth, there is no need for fear, anger or sadness.

 

As a practical solution I would suggest expanding your meditation habit. What you really need to do is simply become aware of the workings of the mind, and because your own mind is the only one you have access to, that will have to do. Of course you can read literature on this subject, but awareness usually comes from direct expiriences. You need to expirience how the mind works, and you need to be aware of it. The more you will do that, the more understanding you will be of other human beings. You will be able to feel more empathy even for what you would call evil human beings. There will be an understanding of why there is no choice, no other way, for people to act the way they do. When a stone rolls down a hill, you don't get angry at the stone because you know it has no choice. It is simply acting the way it does, it is a force of nature. It is the same way with the human mind, and you can see that with unbiased investigation.

As you do that, your mind will accept itself, and thus accept others. There will be no need to judge and moralize, but instead there will be a will to create viable solutions.

So, to really solve this problem you have to accept reality for what it really is, not for what you want it to be. It is a problem within your perception. What you basically are right now is delusional. Working on that delusion will take great effort, but it really is the only way to find sustainable peace that I know of.

Edited April 1, 2017 by Scholar

[Empty]

@a e l i I am a former Muslim. I live in a tribalist Muslims country where Islam is very much practiced. 

 

My advice would be to study Islam and understand the Muslim mindsets. 

 

It is true that many Muslims are biased towards others.you can't help it otherwise. ifyou are a Muslim who prays five times a day, you are biased by definition!  

 

 

 

 

[eskwire]

@a e l i Do you spend time with people who make racist comments?

I have noticed this in myself since moving to the South in the US (known for racism and generally backwards behavior). I'm white/Hispanic and have lived in super liberal parts of the US - even majored in African American History in college. Suddenly, racial and racist thoughts pop up.

I don't beat myself up for it. I laugh because I see what's going on - how my mind has been subconsciously influenced by the racist comments by people in my area - and am really AMAZED at how it can happen to anyone. I spent 4 years studying and denouncing racism. 

Racism is contagious. Be aware of that and don't believe it. It may run though your mind, just don't buy in. 

Edited April 2, 2017 by eskwire

[Emerald]

On 3/31/2017 at 11:22 AM, a e l i said:

Please don't be mean 

I've had prejudices about other races/cultures for quite a long time. Lately I've been realizing how it's weighing down me, I'm constantly ruining my mood like this. I live in Europe, and as you know, refugees are constantly coming in. It's already a sad situation, but racism just makes it a lot worse: my town lately has been getting filled with these people, I see them everywhere and I feel... disgusted, honestly, and I'm also afraid. And I hate it, these negative emotions are ruining me.

Rationally, I understand that not all people of a certain group are the same... And I acknowledge that an open-minded person doesn't assume things about someone before getting to know them well. I also have proved this to myself, since I do know some black people who I consider to be good. But yeah, feelings are not rational.

Do you have any advice on how to deal with this? I can't find anything unbiased on the Internet, and I can't talk about it with the people I know since they're either going to hate me or support my racism. I just want to walk down the street without all these negative thoughts, it's a pain in the ass.

First off, I want to commend you for your self-honesty and your desire to be better. I think that many people tend to deny their own racist tendencies because they don't want to face the internal ugliness and to see themselves in a negative light. So, most people afflicted by racist thoughts and tendencies ignore them and end up expressing them without being aware that they are being racist. So, I think awareness is the most important first step, and you're already there.

The second step would be to contemplate upon things like what you mentioned in the post: recognizing that all people within a group are different, realizing that your existence as you, could be literally any other way. What I mean by this is that you could just as easily be experiencing another person's experience if you were incarnated as a person in their situation or as them. Your birth as yourself is arbitrary. There are other contemplations that you can do as well, relative to the circumstances of birth and life circumstances. Also, you'll want to contemplate on the profound similarity between all human beings. There is a Latin phrase that translate to "Nothing that is human is alien to me." that expresses this insight. Human beings, though we have subtle differences (that seem to us like big differences) are still 99% similar. We're just so close to the situation that we recognize all the little differences.

The third step is to get to know people who are of the races that you're racist against. It's harder to discriminate if you have friends within that group. However, a caveat would be that even if you know people from the group you have prejudices against, you can still fall into the "I'm not racist... I have a black friend" trap. It can be used to fuel denial of racist tendencies which can revert progress. 

The fourth step is to practice getting in touch with the emotions that cause you the discomfort, as sensations in the body instead of as thoughts in the mind. Practice dropping the thought and focusing just on the emotion. Racism is foremost a form of projection, so it always has to do with aspects of yourself that you've repressed and denied. So, a minority group who you know little about can function as a blank screen for a person to project their own disowned traits, anger, and resentments upon. So, if you reintegrate your disowned traits and resolve the inner emotional turmoil that causes this internal split and subsequent projection upon large groups of different looking people, this will allow you to address the root of the racism at its bedrock level. You'd be surprised that racism has little to do with race at its core. It has to do with self loathing projected outward.

Otherwise, continue maintaining your awareness of these tendencies throughout the day and practice observing and then letting go of intrusive racist thoughts. And be gentle with yourself. This inner turmoil is surrounded by and in large part created by outer social turmoil. If you want to really make progress you have to allow yourself internal non-judgmental space to deal with this issue. People on the outside of your mind will likely judge you one way or the other and try to nudge you in their direction. Don't let the outward taboos and judgments impede your inner progress which can (and most likely will) be a messy and ugly process. So, try not to judge yourself.

[Guest username]

1 hour ago, eskwire said:

@a e l i Do you spend time with people who make racist comments?

I have noticed this in myself since moving to the South in the US (known for racism and generally backwards behavior). I'm white/Hispanic and have lived in super liberal parts of the US - even majored in African American History in college. Suddenly, racial and racist thoughts pop up.

I don't beat myself up for it. I laugh because I see what's going on - how my mind has been subconsciously influenced by the racist comments by people in my area - and am really AMAZED at how it can happen to anyone. I spent 4 years studying and denouncing racism. 

Racism is contagious. Be aware of that and don't believe it. It may run though your mind, just don't buy in. 

Notice how this is the case for beliefs, paradigms, worldviews, etc. in general?

For survival purposes, we are always constructing models of reality on limited information. When a notion integrates its way into a culture, it can spread like a virus. Sometimes our sense of belonging, safety, being loved, etc. depend on us holding on to certain views. We take in so much information that it is virtually impossible to be intimately aware of each of our flawed assumptions or to see blind spots in our models.

This is the importance of meditation, contemplation, and continuous self-education. Not only can we question our views and become better informed, but we can be conscious of the nature of all of our beliefs, so we aren't stuck in the web, continuously trying to untangle  the whole structure, only to become more entrapped in a larger structure we've created.

It's a process of simultaneously creating a more sophisticated web-of-beliefs/ knowledge graph  and raising awareness to transcend the whole shebang. 

 

Edit: I forgot to compliment you on your wonderful self honesty. I really admire that you're trying to be more self-aware.

Edited April 2, 2017 by username

[h inandout]

Wonderful!! You are so brave for searching for answers about this.  Now begins a potential love afair with another culture.  Your culture (and everybody else's) has been supressing a deep sense of curiosity fear guilt shame etc towards "outsiders" for many generations.  Coming to know another culture is very scary because you really do have to be detached from your preconcieve notions and your fears of being seen as foolish.  I have been through this.  The other side is incredibly beautiful.  Being able to release my previous assumptions is beautiful.

I have a friend who studies Arabic who went to visit the refugees in an encampment in Hungary.  He brought a family some fruit juice.  The family he spoke with is going to name their child after him now.  It's so easy to make friends.  Go to the local mosque and tell them you have questions.  Obviously be respectful, but ask a couple of your most burning questions and then stay for prayer.

 

[h inandout]

Call your new friends habibi ?

[a e l i]

Thank you all for replying!

My best friend is in the same situation as me, perhaps less aware, and she's the person who influences me the most. I'm gonna talk about it with her, it'll be easier to change if she becomes aware of it as well. I'm also going to continue observing myself, my thoughts and my feelings, as you suggested. Volunteering for refugees might be a bit difficult, since for now I really don't feel like doing it and my parents wouldn't allow me to, but I'm gonna look for people from these countries among my friends' acquaintances and online.

[Arkandeus]

very amazing and courageous post. 

remember don't be too hard on yourself, and view things in a gradient, rather then black and white. 
you have a portion of negative energy of discrimination inside you, you've done well to identify it. 
as you work it out you'll be able to embody higher qualities of love, you will enlighten more, good luck

[TJM1959]

On 3/31/2017 at 11:22 AM, a e l i said:

I can't find anything unbiased on the Internet

Yikes, the internet is all about being bias, searching for "unbiased" is near impossible.
Most of the replies here are right on when suggesting you create a connection to people. Expand thyself. Although you may not know of the originals of the beliefs, you need to bust up some stuff(beliefs) you have made up about people and create a powerful experience that says otherwise. There is a very toxic climate on this planet today that speaks to separation and superiority, feeding fears and reinforcing opinions and ultimately, isolation. You need to stretch yourself and maybe get a lil uncomfortable but the experience may prove powerful. Pick one, and go opposite, swing your internal pendulum is the complete opposite direction and then take action. Ask yourself, "what is the experience I want to create?" Ready, set, GO! Very achievable.

[Loreena]

 

[sgn]

7 hours ago, Arkandeus said:

very amazing and courageous post. 

remember don't be too hard on yourself, and view things in a gradient, rather then black and white. 
you have a portion of negative energy of discrimination inside you, you've done well to identify it. 
as you work it out you'll be able to embody higher qualities of love, you will enlighten more, good luck

No pun intended?

[Nahm]

10 hours ago, a e l i said:

Thank you all for replying!

My best friend is in the same situation as me, perhaps less aware, and she's the person who influences me the most. I'm gonna talk about it with her, it'll be easier to change if she becomes aware of it as well. I'm also going to continue observing myself, my thoughts and my feelings, as you suggested. Volunteering for refugees might be a bit difficult, since for now I really don't feel like doing it and my parents wouldn't allow me to, but I'm gonna look for people from these countries among my friends' acquaintances and online.

No offense, but how are you ever going to let go of your racism if you need your friend to and your parents to condone volunteering? 

You would have to think for yourself to gain any enlightenment. Not being racist is pretty low hanging enlightenment fruit.

I hope this helps. I do realize it's an abrasive attempt. 

[h inandout]

I remember when my (American) mom was having night terrors before we flew to Prague.  She was terrified of going over the iron curtain.  It brought her memories of the nuclear fallout prevention videos they had to watch at her school.  Like how the fuck is ducking under your desk gonna help you in a nuclear explosion!?  Anyways, we had a great time in Prague, despite the irrational fears subsiding deep in my mom's brain!  Point being, I think fear is very real, and has definite impacts on us in unforseable ways.  Maybe the best thing to do is to walk right into it with courage and love.  As an adult, you will live in a very different world than the one you were raised to be a part of.  Go forth and create that new world now before it gets claimed by unconcious fear.