personal health problems

[at_anchor]

It's selfishly stupid to complain about my health problems in this thread and I know you can't help me in any way, but here it goes...

The heart pounds harder and faster than before. I can have shortness of breath or just faster breathing. Digestive system doesn't work like it used to, I literally hope it does its work but it doesn't do it at all or it doesn't do it well. Intermittent sleep pattern, probably due to the environmental factors but something could be damaged inside as well.

And because you clicked here I want to make it at least a bit worth your time, so here is a video I saw and found interesting on YouTube:

And finally, I think really bad years are coming my way so the false notions I had in the past that I'll find love one day are breaking apart. I begged for euthanasia because I'm scared of psychopaths and what they're gonna do to me, because I don't know how to get myself to safety from them.

[HMD]

You can start small and actually turn the whole situation around. Pick up one tiny thinh that you can work on daily, like drinking 8 glasses of water. Start from there and do only that. Then, after a while build on it. You will be shocked at the results in a few months. 

[at_anchor]

I drink a lot of water. In the past few weeks I ate pretty clean, aside from a piece of meat here and there or some baloney. I'm glad I was able to, because my stomach did get fatter and I really don't want to get any fatter which my family members are not in agreement with. Some want others to see me as sicker as possible. 

It is something that I just can't take. I always wanted abs or a flat stomach, and a fat stomach makes me scared of the false opinions and judgments of others. "Ah, look at that fat, lazy bum. That fat, jealous, insatiable bad guy. Take that pig where it belongs" or you know, you just get to be seen in the wrong light, portrayed worse and they basically see you in that moment in time where you're at yoir worst as of yet and then yeah.

In the past, anything I eat, be it brownies, cakes, meat, anything would just automatically get processed within a day and that's that. It was a really good engine I guess. 

[Thought Art]

@at_anchor how old are you?

[at_anchor]

1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

@at_anchor how old are you?

Not old.

Today I am so tired. Last night I had a nightmare about screaming on an evil psychiatrist over the phone and saying all the worst I think about him. Night before I had more nightmares because I was asleep more. Last night I got night sweats because I guess it was hot despite having the window open. 

Ah the window. I always slept with an open window in the past. Wide open. I had false assumptions that no one is crazy and evil enough to climb up and get into my bedroom while I'm asleep. Today I doubt they didn't take that opportunity. 

Life was so much more easy before getting sick from something. I can walk for now. I can be somewhat me without a work ethic. I am not forced or threatened to take anything atm. 

I'm sad I got threatened and manipulated in the past to not complain about an injury inflicted on me. I'm sad that I thought authority is not as dangerous as it is.

 

Snakes, ah, those creatures I used to be so afraid of, now I wish I had one with me, its bite would take me out of here within an hour. Their beauty finally appreciated. I'd welcome even a deadly spider. Got framed for good.