I could have made a mistake

[Mada_]

I broke up with my girlfriend last week. It hurt so fucking much, we both just sobbed all night and into the morning.

basically I broke her trust, we organised to go to Borneo for a few weeks, but I didn’t forecast my finances properly and can’t afford it. 
 

I said I didn’t want to be together because I broke her trust and it means I’m not ready for a relationship because I can’t hold myself together. But really more things snowballed, her friends relate to each other by drinking, gossiping and bickering, eating junk food. It’s a low energy environment. Me and her related to each other through gratitude in our own lives, making music, she was supportive of my ambitions and me working long hours but didn’t like me not making time for her when I worked a crazy week. 
 

I told her about the trip, and she was really understanding, but I had this horrible feeling in my chest that just stayed there, it was like it wouldn’t go away until I told her the truth. That we shouldn’t be together. 

But I really miss her, and I think if we lived together (which we were planning to do) we could be a really good influence on each other and build a beautiful home. Like the more I contemplated why I don’t like her friends, the more I realised I blame people for my lack of discipline, and how literally every single person I know is involved in some form of debauchery and health destructing behaviour (especially me), but I want to change, and she also wants to change, it’s on both our vision boards lol. And how I’m looking for some mirror image of my ideals, will I ever actually find her? 
what the fuck is the point of relationships if it just ends in pain or two mediocre roommates? 
 

[Emotionalmosquito]

So you broke up with her because you felt guilty about miscalculating your finances which caused you to have to cancel the trip y’all had been planning and because the destructive behavior of her friends was negatively affecting you as well as possibly interfering with your ability to forecast your money for the vacation properly? Doesn’t sound terribly unreasonable aside from maybe being a little too hard on yourself for making a mistake. 

But then again I have zero relationship experience whatsoever so wtf do I know? 

[deci belle]

The decision isn't the issue (obvious to me perhaps). It's the aftermath of such changes that becomes crucial. The big problem is second thoughts.

Internal dialog is most destructively perpetuated by habit-energy, both preceding and following changes where we forget to trust in inevitability.