Meditation Problem

[Teddy]

Hi guys, i am new here, i have very big problem. I am sorry for my bad English, i will try to be clear as much as possible. I have watched many of Leo's videos and i have read a lot of articles of this site: www.calmdownmind.com. This site says  that the "true" meditation is the non concentrated meditation. The "true" meditation is something called relaxed awareness were you are rooted in the present moment, and you allow yourself to be totally free. This is  the type of meditation i do. 

The problem is that after 2-3 minutes i start to feel agitated and angry. These feelings last for hours after the session. I know that this is normal in a certain degree but the feelings become more and more intense day after day, i feel scared when i think about my next session. If i "push" myself to continue, i start to have panic attacks. It becomes a nightmare, and then that's it! I give up. There is no way to stand these feelings. The same thing happens with other forms of meditation. What do you think? Is this normal or i do something wrong? 

Also i want to tell you that the same situation exactly happens with everything in my life. So the problem is general i think. Exercise, activities etc. Even my best activities make me anxious and soon they become a nightmare. 

This time i don't do anything in my life, i am 25 y.o., i have no job, i quit even from my school. I also suffer from social anxiety, i have not even one friend. From the time i wake up until the time i go to bed i feel stressed. I get stressed over everything. I have tried to "force" myself to stop get stressed but i create a lot more stress. I also suffer from OCD and perfectionism. I spent a lot of money to psychologists and nothing.  I do meditation because i think this is the starting point for me. Any advice would be helpful.

[Prabhaker]

9 minutes ago, Teddy said:

i have read a lot of articles of this site: www.calmdownmind.com. This site says  that the "true" meditation is the non concentrated meditation. The "true" meditation is something called relaxed awareness were you are rooted in the present moment, and you allow yourself to be totally free. This is  the type of meditation i do. 

What they are saying is correct, but you are not ready for it. 

You can just walk, that is easier. You can just dance, that is even easier. And after you have been doing other things that are easier, then you can sit. Sitting in a buddha posture is the last thing to do really; it should never be done in the beginning. Only after you have begun to feel identified totally with movement can you begin to feel totally identified with nonmovement.

Begin from where beginning is easy, otherwise you will begin to feel many things unnecessarily , things that are not there. If you begin with sitting, you will feel much disturbance inside. 

[Toby]

You might be tapping into a trauma that is stored in your body / psyche and the anger is a fight response. Maybe you could find other ways to deal with that, maybe do some yoga before meditation, do some bodywork (Somatic Experiencing) or if it is possible just stay with the anger and go into it (only if it doesn't overwhelm you completely).

[Dodo]

2 hours ago, Teddy said:

Hi guys, i am new here, i have very big problem. I am sorry for my bad English, i will try to be clear as much as possible. I have watched many of Leo's videos and i have read a lot of articles of this site: www.calmdownmind.com. This site says  that the "true" meditation is the non concentrated meditation. The "true" meditation is something called relaxed awareness were you are rooted in the present moment, and you allow yourself to be totally free. This is  the type of meditation i do. 

The problem is that after 2-3 minutes i start to feel agitated and angry. These feelings last for hours after the session. I know that this is normal in a certain degree but the feelings become more and more intense day after day, i feel scared when i think about my next session. If i "push" myself to continue, i start to have panic attacks. It becomes a nightmare, and then that's it! I give up. There is no way to stand these feelings. The same thing happens with other forms of meditation. What do you think? Is this normal or i do something wrong? 

Also i want to tell you that the same situation exactly happens with everything in my life. So the problem is general i think. Exercise, activities etc. Even my best activities make me anxious and soon they become a nightmare. 

This time i don't do anything in my life, i am 25 y.o., i have no job, i quit even from my school. I also suffer from social anxiety, i have not even one friend. From the time i wake up until the time i go to bed i feel stressed. I get stressed over everything. I have tried to "force" myself to stop get stressed but i create a lot more stress. I also suffer from OCD and perfectionism. I spent a lot of money to psychologists and nothing.  I do meditation because i think this is the starting point for me. Any advice would be helpful.

Have you tried the best type of meditation that you can do always anywhere, anytime without even closing your eyes?

It's called becoming aware of your breathing. Once your attention slips to something else, you just gently guide it back.

This, due to it's simplicity, has to be the best way to bring calm to the waters within. Follow the breath and take some deep breaths.

Together with "This is it" and have you tried chanting Om? Root yourself in the present and you have nothing to worry about.