Letting God Work Itself Through Me

[Gabriel Antonio]

life feels amazing.

i feel like i am in allignment with the universe on a very deep level. it feels like everthing I do is right  

cure to perfeccionism > decide quickly, take the first option, or decide to half-ass 

hehe 

peace, World ;D 

 

 

[Gabriel Antonio]

i was about to get neurotic today. was doing some hardcore spiritual practices -- which were actually doing more harm than good. thankfully, i didn't continue down that road. because if i did, i would suffer. simple as that  

nothing is that serious. everything is here to help. my only job is to relax.

i am throwing away everything that disrespects my inner child (namely strict and neurotic discipline). i don't think i need discipline. i am a virgo. i am naturally over-disciplined. but that backfires. 

i think it is just a matter of accepting the simply the simplicity of this moment.

Attempting to be mindful 24/7 is a huge trap for me. it is unsustainable. i might pull it off in a specific setting. 

anyway, my intention is to stay dynamically balanced

 

[Gabriel Antonio]

I have just realized that love is the only way. 

You can try different things (e.g., achieve success, money, and relationships). But all of these cannot be compared to live as Love. 

It is a practice!

It ain't supposed to be fun, especially in the beginning. 

After a while, you begin to see things transform in your life. An you'll be like, "holy shot! That's what I have always wanted to experience. This deep freedom that comes from unconditional love."

Let me tell you: your mind will resist the shit out of this practice because, guess what? Your mind is lazy as fuck haha 

That's why nobody is doing heavyweight lifting. 

The question is: are you practicing right now?

Have an extraordinary life! ☀

"Life is a word-energy game. The words you say to yourself most often dictates how you feel. Make I love you the most popular words you say to yourself."

Matt Kahn

I love you ❤

 

[Gabriel Antonio]

hi guys and girls 

i just heard the greatest spiritual rule: if it is not something you would tell to a 5-year-old, then it is not important. haha. 

spirituality is to awaken the magic of our life. and we can only access that through love, kindness, and attention.

i am grateful for ayahuasca. 

I am grateful for Leo. 

I am grateful for all the people I have met in my journey 

I am grateful for iago, whose advice resonated with me a lot 

I am grateful for Mary Polstra, my psychology professor. 

I am grateful to my friends here in the forum quantum, dragullar and mango

I am grateful for YOGA. 

I am grateful for my yoga teachas. 

I am grateful for my friend David, a homeless in Northern California, who taught me true inner-balance and equanimity. 

I am grateful for Mark, my guitarist friend. A true warrior... 

I am grateful for Lorenze, who provoked and stayed with me during my darkest periods 

I am grateful for my inner child, that little-me. You are so fucking amazing! I love you =D 

I am grateful for my fearful me. You can stay exactly like you are. I love you. 

I am grateful for my perfectionist me. Thanks for caring so much about me!  

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! 

I feel like I am graduating. It feels so funny... hihi 

Fully awakening the heart. I feel so happy. Naturally wise, you know? Remembering my awesomeness.

[=~

 

[Gabriel Antonio]

hello! 

i feel very balanced and strong. i endured a huge ego backlash, and, now, I feel way stronger and protected. 

belly breathing = the ultimate solution for generating MORE energy, vitality 

watch your ego getting bored of self-development.  

went to the evangelical church today. it was very nice. i had some interactions with people my age or less. haha. it felt funny to talk to teenagers. i could SEE all my old patterns kicking in, but I stayed mindful during the whole thing, and then.... BAM! All the resistance dropped. Then, I felt comfortable speaking. 

thank you!

keep trying. 

:)) 

[Gabriel Antonio]

For people pleaser

Be a bad boy or girl.

Be aware of your self-critiscism and ignore it.

Try taking things lightly.

Exposing is the key for the healing. do it imperfectly, on purpose

Develop 100% positive regards to yourself

Set the intention of having shitty conversations (to balance your perfectionism out)

[Gabriel Antonio]

SET LOW EXPECTATIONS

Set low expectations

set low expectations

 

[Gabriel Antonio]

Aloha! \o/

 

I never write here first in the day. Right now, it is 7 AM, and I am about to get ready for my day.

In one of my ayahuasca trips, I realized how I am throwing my life away. Well, in a way, 99% of us are. On the other hand, I also recognize how much I have improved over the last months. I feel a genuine growth, which will accompany me to the rest of my life. Things that I have seen cannot be unseen. I simply saw the deepest truth of reality, and that gave me a big existential relief.

Another thing I have been working on is correct breathing. Bringing the navel into the spine whenever I exhale. It is fucking difficult to remember all the time to do that, but it fucking works. I have been cleaning all my system with breathing techniques. Breathing is really an art. Sometimes all you gotta do is relax your belly, and everything will fall into place.

Finally, I have been practicing Vipassana. It is amazing! I have finally remembered how I should truly meditate. It is just like yoga. If you are sleepy, that means you should force yourself a little bit more. It is supposed to be uncomfortable. It is the same process as waking up.

Aside from Vipassana, I have been practicing some Osho breathing techniques. They are amazing at healing yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally -- BEFORE meditation. This way, you can cut through a lot of emotional bullshit before you meditate. Otherwise, most of your meditation will be shit.

Right now, I am about to take a cold shower; meditate; then go to Yoga.

Wish you all success and, most importantly, true happiness. May you feel good in your body, because you can’t imagine how good it can get. As long as you commit to cleaning yourself up.

 

Aloha! \o/

[Gabriel Antonio]

I feel very balanced. I have seen the importance of breathing correctly. I want to keep this journal for as long as I can (btw - don't leave us, @JKG). I wanna read it years from now. And, let's face it, I often lose my personal things, so I will keep it public so that I have it recorded. Only thing is, not sharing TOO much. But, really, I doubt I will ever meet someone here in real life. And, even if I do, I don't care. 

- Keep flowing

- Participate, be engaged 

- When in doubt, breathe deeply. 

\<o>/

[Gabriel Antonio]

hello guys and girls! 

i have learned many things the past few months. but i have not reported them here. 

Keep the flow 

dude, this is so fucking important. it doesnot matter if you make mistakes or not, what matters is are you keeping the rhythm??  because that is the most important thing!

anyway, that's it for now, guys 

 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1SET LOW EXPECTATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Gabriel Antonio]

Insights Ayahuasca trip

 

1- stop pursuing enlightenment, and enlightenment will start to pursue you

2- you are Always right no matter what people tell you

3- some things must be Kept Just for you

4- do not be afraid ir getting emotionally involved in things struggling makes you Lear

5- Life is so fucking precious and we do bit appreciate it

6- Throw your insights out the window and start living

7- are you Bored? GOOD! it is part of the process

8- keep the flow

9- accept your weirdness , your nerdiness

10- i Saw myself as Trump. my face turned into his, and i thought, "HAHAHAHAH I FUCKING WON" scary shit but also funny

11- you are already IT

12- YOU do not need more spirituality. You nerd more of the CONCRETE.

13- You Can create infinitely

14- have Lots of projects, Friends and activities. Do place all your Money on Just one thing

15- Can you allow your inner child to mess up? Or do you only want to play it safe?

16- correct your breathing or else you will have a tumor on your intestine

17- CIRCULATE the Energy. Learn nem things, go to diferente places, and meet nem people

18- be yourslef

19- do not interrupt, do not correct, do not overdo. Give things time to marinate.

20- PLAY THE ROLES YOU WERE GIVEN

21- focus on self-amusement rather than approval 

22- there were many improbably encounters that prove the existence of something else

23- ayahuasca is like electricity. use it carefully. 

24- just live the present fucking moment. how long are you gonna postpone life? 

25- improve your communication skills. for so long, other egos have run your life without even you noticing it. it is time to restablish the inner power

26- weightlifting has been helping a lot with self-confidence. not because of the muscles i might get, but because of the effort involved in it. 

27- sometimes you do not make effort, and you do a brilliant job. sometimes you simply cannot do a good job. however, "the days that break you are the days that make you." 

28- do not externalize everything. there are a lot of things that you gotta work out by yourself, i'd probably say 80% is on your part and 20/% is in the Sangha. 

29- "Without a Sangha, we cannot go every far." Thay 

30- People are already perfect and awesome the way they are. Quit projecting, and you will see the inherent beauty. 

31- what a lot of people call "spirituality" is simply "emotional healing work" 

32- fully come back to the body or else you will suffer in the long run. the ego is so fucking sneaky that you won't even notice that you are developing a disease, so correct what has to be corrected. do yoga, idk. 

33- do not place 100% of your energy onto anything

34- just like leo, i have been having a hard time turn off my mind of creativity mode 

35- just fucking live this life. it will end sooner than you think, and in a more unpredictable way that you could ever imagine. for example, i was taking a shower earlier today and i almost fell. i could have hurt my head and died. BAM. like that.

36- you need to have nothing to receive everything. 

37- your tone of voice tells everything. if you're looking shaky, people will get that. 

38- there is a moment to stop. there is a moment to rush. but please do not stop. like paralysing yourself is your worst enemy. 

39- people's approval are like pennies that you crave for. but you have a treasure with you. (credit to eckhart tolle for this insight) 

40- sometimes it is good to force yourself a little. 

DONE

Edited September 7, 2017 by Gabriel Antonio

[Gabriel Antonio]

Have More Bad Feelings

Be more imperfect, set lower expectations, hate more, have a worse posture, be more negative, make more grammar mistakes, make a fool of yourself always, exaggerate on whatever the fuck you want (drugs, food, sex are included), allow your mind to have weird-ass thoughts, be more disrepectful to people, be more selfish, be more careless, be more brutely honest, be more lazy, manipulate others, enlarge your ego, justify as much as you want, think a lot, resist negative feelings, be a "good spiritual student", regret, be more shy, be more depressive, do not value others, be pessimistic. be more of a scoundrel. cheat more. be neurotic about likes, be arrogant, criticize both in your head and out loud, make fun of people for pure self-amusement, fall in love with how awesome you are, recognize that it is impossible to make a mistake. everything is in harmony.   
 

(Be a fucking NERD!)

 

Edited September 9, 2017 by Gabriel Antonio
Because I am GOD.

[Gabriel Antonio]

20 insights 

I love making lists because it is a creativity incubator. 

1- Just start. You will eventually get in the flow. 
2- Setting low expectations is key for curing perfeccionism. 
3- It is okay to do more than one thing at time. Please do not have the dogma of "having" to do only one thing at once. 
4- Everything that shows up in meditation is a cleaning process. Allow yourself to think ALL thoughts 
5- Do not be afraid of what is trying to enter your field. That is, your noisy neighbor is no excuse for not being mindful. 
6- Be more selfish. This is actually called self-care. Supression is depression. 
7- Practice voicing your thoughts. 
8- Sometimes the best thing to do is just say: "Fuck it! Today I ain't doing nothing." 
9- With a Sangha things become much more smoother. I doubt you can get enlightened all by yourself. Just face it: we need other people. 
10- We do not need anyone in particular, but we NEED people. This is like a basic need. 
11- It is no use debating. It is a complete waste of energy. If you are grounded from the within, everybody will love you, and you won't have to prove your point to anybody. 
12- It all starts from within. If you are feeling wonderful with others, remember that it all started within. Personal development is the recognition of this fact. 
13- Keep flowing. 
14- Playing instruments, learning new languages, or learning a new sport are great ways to CIRCULATE the energy. 
15- We need NOVELTY. New things, new food, new environments. Do not worry whether you like the new things you are trying out or not; the important thing is: you are doing NEW things. 
16- Listen to weird-ass songs
17- 99% of the cases in which we say that a person or an environment is toxic is actually just a projection of our own low vibes. 
18- We need groups. I cannot emphasize this enough. Meet yourself in different universes. 
19- You are the miniature of the universe. It is infinite!!!
20- Sometimes we got to say STOP to all our spiritual practices and allow ourselves to be whoever the fuck we want to think, feel, and act. I trust you
 

"You are heaven's highest desire. It only wants to enter you..." 

New challenge

I love Jack Kornfield's vibe. it feels so relaxing, so I have started a challenge to practice self-forgiveness. I am kind of unsure if I really want to do it, but let us see.. Heheh... I always begin to do many things at once. But I will try hahaha. This is a clear sign of failure. 

Anyway, another idea that I have got is 

5 THINGS PER DAY

Wake Up To Action 

- Post new post on forum telling about the self-forgiveness challenge. And how I have been feeling. 
- Record a YT video 
- Type 20 songs for the Trabalho
- Say Thank You to Marcos 
- Mensagem Lô Gratidão 

This is what I have done today. It is really cool. But, you know, I always get unsure about shit... Hahaha. 

So... until the rest of the day I want to decide which one of these two options I will choose. 

Self-love or self-development? 

 

Edited September 11, 2017 by Gabriel Antonio

[Gabriel Antonio]

Maybe All We Need is Some Old-Fashioned Self-Development

Hey guys,

So… the thing is: I feel like what most of us need is actually some good old-fashioned self-development. There is probably one area of your life that the situation is pretty terrible. In my case, it was related to self-confidence. It was a pretty harsh process… it still is.

I have many mental beliefs that keep me stuck and has done so for over the last 10 years. It is THAT crazy. And some point… BAM! I developed this disorder. And I bought into the idea that I was “it”. I was the disorder. I became identified.

So… maybe just being more kind, more considerate, and really more loving is enough. You know, what is True Love? It might be something totally different from the fruity version of love that you might have soaked in from the media.

Anyway, let’s not forget not to skip so many steps. It is a simple path. Your only job is to stay on it. Yes, you will lose balance at times. But it ain’t about how many times you fall, but about how many times you pick yourself up.

Seriously, with an attitude of a loser and complete victim, you can even reach enlightenment, but seriously it will be an incomplete enlightenment. It is like this: you have an extremely poor country and you give all the wealth to that country. Easy come, easy go…

So, please, quit buying into the idea that enlightenment is something special and out-of-this-world. It is here. However, what is the worth of knowing that if you still have crappy relationships, is overweight, and feel emotionally childish?

Throw away your hopes! Haha. But if you want to seek enlightenment desperately by isolating yourself from society, go ahead and do it. Let’s see if you’ll succeed.

 

“I WILL DO IT ALL ALONE!” Ok. Show me all your force and resistance. Don’t do it. Seek enlightenment desperately. Be a dog chasing his tail.  

[Gabriel Antonio]

Doing Nothing…

Hey guys,

I just wanted to give a quick update here.

There are more moments in our lives that nothing much seem to be happening, you know? It seems as if we hit a plateau. The important thing to do in those moments is…

 

Keep Calm and Carry On

 

Hehe. The worst thing that can happen is you getting paralyzed by a negative emotion. Those lower-consciousness types of emotions DO exist, but they can be easily transmuted.

The secret is to become an alchemist. Get the best out of the worse. Turn water into wine. Getting the best out of people. Even the worst kind has a heart.

So, anyway, the point here is that sometimes we have to cease the practice. You know, our hardcore practice. And let the practice practice you. Haha. It is like that. Because seriously, if you keep practicing 24/7, at what point are you going to actually be present as you were as a child?

My real desire is not to achieve some weird-ass consciousness state, but to be alert, fresh, and strong. That’s all I really care about.

Feeling good inwards >> Key for happiness

Sometimes I feel like I put too much energy onto things. This always backfires. I help, help, and help; then… BOOM! I can’t even help myself. Haha. Or, another example: I become highly conscious and only do healthy shit; then… BOOM! Old habits kick in once again. They include overthinking, overeating, isolation, paranoia (also known as extreme fear), self-sabotaging behaviors, self-hatred, unworthiness, and intense negative emotions in general.

 

But, somehow, I have been able to take control over my life. Yes, I know that I am an illusion, a lie, a creation of my mind, etc, but you have to understand that sometimes we need the development of the ego before its clash. Remember Leo’s story: he was a fucking 26-year-old virgin and was able to get really good in sex. Only after that did he started his enlightenment pursuits. Seriously, let us learn how to be good human beings first and foremost.

____________________________

Welcome Stage 2 of Awakening 

“Your life is like a dream. When you wake up from your dream, it doesn’t fucking matter if it was a good dream or a bad dream. It was only a dream. Similarly, the same thing happen in consciousness. When you Awaken, you understand that, “Oh… it was just a fucking dream. It is just a dream. So, really, why do I have to bother so much with that shit?”

This is Stage 1 of Awakening.

However… this is just stage 1, people! The Stage 2 of Awakening is… the full return to the Body. Hehehe. It is so funny how connected to the body you become. You two become like best friends, working in harmony once and for all. It is like you and your inner child working well for the first time in ages!! Hahaha. And that inner child needs approval to function well. Hehehe, it is that crazy… It is all an energy game. Don’t tell the child that… Hahaha. Distract him or her with something else. But that’s the truth, dude. Hehe. It is a fucking energy game.

Obviously, I gravitate between those two stages. But, man, does it feel good to be in stage 2. Seriously!!! You finally understand the shit that happened in your past, you drop all your negative, liming beliefs in an instant. It feels amazing!

However, I would be reckless to say: drop your seeking. Yes, it is a “waste of time,” but, dude, it helps A LOT! Like, at some point, you simply find your balance, you know? We did not come here to have Maha-Samadhi (which is the Full Awakening). Seriously, this is like becoming the sun. No, no, no! I don’t want that power. You know why? I will die if that happens. I -- as an individual -- will not be able to function in society. I will come back to the source. No! I do not want that! The goal here is to become a Boddhissatva, a peaceful warrior. 

We are all going to get enlightened after we die. I “experienced” physical death in a yoga class, and dude it feels exactly like what Leo described: “A huge weight was lift off my shoulders.” The material world is painful. Sorry to break to you, but pain is real. The thing is: are you always going to postpone your life? Or are you going to invoke the light of Divinity to work through you?

Because seriously, I am not the one writing here. It feels like I am the one doing the work, but it really isn’t. I am just an instrument. And my mission is to fine-tune this amazing instrument that I have.

 

My body, my voice, my brain. >> Those are my main vehicles to reach you

 

So, it is a matter of dropping everything you think you know, and live like a fucking child.

 

100% acceptance of the presence moment

100% unconditional positive regards towards yourself

100% internally driven behaviors

 

Sure, it is not as easy as it looks, but it is amazing when you start seeing the results. And then, when you start seeing a little bit more of results, you drop the searching. And then the Higher-Self and the lower-self are perfectly integrated. The point is: we fucking need the lower self. It is responsible for our survival. But do not let it be the master. You are the master here. You are the one who gives commands. The child listens to the adult. Or does the adult listen to the neurotic needs some children have? “Oh… you want a candy? Yes, yes!!! Have as many as you want!!!” Hahaha. This is the lack of order. The lack of a healthy masculine energy.

 

What Masculine Energy Brings You

> Deep values

> Feeling good in the body

> Tolerance to pain

> Deep sexuality

> Self-confidence

 

So… let us start today.

If we want the world to change, we must begin with ourselves.

 

[Gabriel Antonio]

I am feeling very light lately.

I am happy that I got many cool projecta going on.

I am happy that I have found friends.

I am happy that I am content with the present fucking moment.

The power is always IN you.

[Gabriel Antonio]

I am in a moment of my life that I simply want to enjoy the present fucking moment, just like a child, you know? I don't care if I am pleasing others or not, as long as I am pleasing myself.

 

I have been doing some heavy shadow work, and it is amazing! I feel more conscious about how my shadow operates. Some of its characteristics are hyper-sensibility (which turns into irritation), escapism, disatisfaction with the present moment (there's always something wrong...), aversive, low self-esteem, indifferent, guiltful (I should've...), undecisive, and finally paranoia.

 

So... the characterists I want to embody more are radical honesty, detail-orientation, radical acceptance (including accepting that I do not accept some things about myself, others, and life in general), accept that I am a self-help junkie, a deep thirst for knowledge (i.e., yes, I am a fucking nerd :P), pronoia (which is the belief that everything here is to help me to achieve my highest potential), and finally ask myself the following question on a regular basis:

 

"What if this was my last day?"

Because it can be... What if this was the last time that I woke up? My last shower ever?My last conversation with my mom? My last orgasm? My last psychedelic trip?

 

 

 

 

I feel an imperative desire to establish bigger goals. At the same time, if I am able to keep up the routine that I am doing, I am in pretty good shape

So... I feel it is a matter of relaxing the fuck down and enjoy this encarnation. I do not know why this opportunity was given to me in the first place, and I do feel lost at times, but, seriously, the level of fulfillment you can get out of this life is beyond infinity. The key point is to...

 

 

CIRCULATE THE ENERGY >> go to different places, talk to new people, watch different videos... All humans have a desire for novelty. This is not me talking; it is psychology.

 

KEEP FLOWING >> it doesn't fucking matter if you're on a so-called "good or bad" track in your life. Seriously, nobody has this thing figured out completely. Nobody really knows why we are here. So the thing is: just keep the rhythm of your inner song. Become more harmonious with natural sounds once again (432 hz is a must)

 

PHYSICAL TOUCH 'you got no idea how important touching other human beings is. You begin to feel alive once again. It is amazing... Get a good grip feels awesome for both parties.

 

BOREDOM lately, I can't stand staying at my mom's house (which is where I live) for a very long time. I feel my energy draining there; it is very crazy... So I have been going to a friend's house who, wait for it... has gone to many Vipassana retreats... and... wait for it... has experienced Samadhi for 15 fucking days out of nowhere. One day he woke up and BAM!

 

LESS SHIT i have been doing so much shit in my life because i got tons of energy. however, last week, i had an energy breakdown. i almost got sick for real. so now, i am deciding to slow the fuck down and enjoy life.

 

CYCLES we all go through cycles. the thing is are you aware of that? because no matter how good you are, it will pass. no matter how bad it is, it will also pass. so it is a matter of enjoying the stage you are in. 

 

DECIDE i deeply agree with what @Soulbass wrote on a topic. sometimes it is just a matter of belief. "oh... if i eat meat, I will feel shitty" >> self-fulfilling prophecy in many cases.

so... I decide to be

 

ACT play your roles nicely in life 

 

Happy NOW no matter the circumstances.

 

I will enjoy myself thoroughly today, like a 5-year-old, who is discovering the world.

 

“In the end
these things matter most:
How well did you love?
How fully did you live?
How deeply did you let go?”

- Jack Kornfield

 

Challenge I am doing...

21 days of Affirmations!!!!

Day 1 9-18-2017

[X] > it feels amazing to just fucking be myself. this is it: I WILL ONLY DO THIS PRACTICE, and the rest is playing my roles!!! I am going to play my roles in life so fucking well. It is going to be exaggerated haha. But it will be amazing! I will live this fucking movie for once! Hahaha. LIVE! `

PLAY YOUR ROLES!!!

3 minutes of a "prayer"

rules

> repeat out-aloud anywhere as long my subconscious mind understand that I am giving commands to it

> LISTEN TO IT ONLY ONE TIME A DAY NO FUCKING EXCUSES

The thing is: my EGO gets fucking attached to self-development practices, so I overtrain!!! SO! HERE IS THE FUCKING THING, EGO: ONLY ONE TIME A DAY!!!!!!

> If I start doing other practices, I WILL NOT COMMIT! So... hot showers are allowed, no meditation needed, no check-lists, no finantial success, no trying to become a more self-confident guy, no gym necessary...

> BE YOUR FUCKING SELF!! DO NOT TRY TO CHANGE YOU IN ANY WAY. BE FUCKING LATE TO THINGS, BE SELFISH, ETC

> If I want to overtrain any practice, I will allow myself to do so.

> I will allow myself to do whatever the fucking I wnat

> Circulate the fucking energy

> Multitask if you want

> Organize

> Be disrespectul if you want

everything else in my life is allowed

allow, allow, allow

Edited September 18, 2017 by Gabriel Antonio

[Gabriel Antonio]

Day 2 - [X] -  Reprogram Subconscious Mind 3 Min of a Powerful Affirmation 

Let me tell you about the awesome affirmation I have been doing. It is called God in Action. Yes, this word has a lot of cultural baggage (full of shit), but it sums up well the idea of the Absolute Infinity. The affirmation is in Portuguese. I am taking extra attention on NOT COMMIT TO ANYTHING ELSE self-development-wise. 

Self-development might seem like it doesn't work, but the thing is it takes time. And we love to mess things up. In my case, commit to many practices, get overwhelmed, and then self-sabotage. 

Anyway, so far, so good. I am playing my roles very nicely in life. The role of being a friend, teacher, a son etc. I play them intensively, but I do not get lost in them. That is, I know that it is all a façade, but it feels nice to actually play the roles I was given. 

I am learning how to relax the fuck down 

It is all a matter of MindSet 

There is such a thing called self-fulling prophecy. 

"I do everything right" > awesome belief

"There is always something to figure out" > horrible belief 

So... start changing your expectations. Most things we deem "unconscious behavior" are only so because we believe that they are. Like, frivulous sex, porn, watching TV (excess), etc. So... it will be fine  

[Gabriel Antonio]

- ANGEL SEHEIAH
A friend of mine told me about the old story about guardian angel. i have always judged that and thought, "that's for children". but it really helps alleviate the suffering. you just invoke it. i searched on google and mine is called Seheiah. It was amazing when I invoked it during my meditation today.

 

Out of nowhere, I remembered my first awakening experience at the age of 7. A lot of things falled into place!

If you only ASK! seriously, there are higher vibrational "spirits" that can help you out, dear ego. haha. seriously, you are not gonna make it by yourself. ASK the universe, allah, god, whoever you want. Yes, they are all You. But at the same time we are still stuck in ego, which really is a defense mechanism.

so...

INVOKE!

 

 

 

- it is just a matter of faith, Believing

"If you think you can or if you think you can't, you are right in both ways." Henry Ford

 

- give your shadow what it wants (INTERNALLY!!!!!)
I was doing some breathing exercises, and it came to me: "just fucking give what your shadow wants" DURING meditation, okay? I am not saying you should start killing people. But it is TOTALLY OKAY to do it consciously in your mind. You go, "Ok, Shadow, I respect your power. And I allow you to think whatever the fuck you want." Then... BAM... those nasty desires melt away and heal automatically.

 

 

- reprogram subconscious mind - day 3 [X]
I am firm with my intention to only commit to this one practice ALONE. And then, I will leave the rest for my subconscious mind. I have the tendency to be an overcontrolling boss, which really is just another aspect of my ego, I suppose.

But anyway... I am beginning to trust myself more in the process. It is like,

 

"Oh... it really is okay if I mess things up. I am here for the LONG RUN."

 

> enjoy your roles!

it is just a play....

 

 

 

 

 

 

random cool gif

 

Edited September 20, 2017 by Gabriel Antonio

[Gabriel Antonio]

- reprogram subconscious mind - day 4/21 [X]

- reprogram subconscious mind - day 5/21 [X]

My ego is getting pretty sloppy with doing the affirmation. It is only 3 minutes of practice self-development wise per day, but, dude, you have no idea how much work I have been doing automatically, as a by-product. Hahaha, it is unbelievable. Anyway, life feels amazing! Yesterday I cried my heart out to a friend; then to my mom and sister. It is so fucking hard to be helped, you know? The ego loves to do things by itself, so it is very healthy to expose your weakneseses to someone you trust. 

Anyway... I can see how I am on the verge of getting lazy and not doing the challenge till the end, so I am going to write on a piece of paper, with very clear instructions, and just keep track there and in here. Seriously, guys, if just change a little tiny habit, this is enough. The rest will take care of itself. 

Anyway, words, words, and words.... Blah, blah, blah...

It is all BS (Belief System) 

Opening the Heart

I feel like I am opening my emotions. 

 

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Update: 

8:09 PM 

9-23-2017 

The Beginning of The Spring 

Expectations... 

Ok, guys, I will set some guidelines as to how I will write on this journal. 

> My little ego (which really is my way to communicate with my inner child) perspective on my day. \

 

VULNERABILITY 

 

> I will post about my emotions specifically. (I have been doing some hardcore Kundalini Yoga, so lots of emotions popping up). 

> Quick trip reports (Including: meditation trips, breathing trips, and psychedelic trips). 

 

Anyway... I am just glad that Spring is Here! 

Yesterday was an amazing-fucking-day. I burst into tears with two friends. It was amazing! Never had I felt so vulnerable! I felt like I was getting naked in front of them, fully expressing my emotions. Due to energetic blockages in my lungs, I have unknowningly repressed my inner child. The inner child lives in the Solar Plexus. Your introjected parents live in your lungs. When you expand your lungs, the Little Bird can fly out the cage it is in. (The lungs can be compared to cages also.) 

I am beginning to appreciate the beginning, the middle, and the end of things. I don't know about you, but my generation just loves to do things in the half. So everything is half-assed. You half-ass school, you half-ass washing the dishes, you half-ass listening to a song, you half-ass having FUCKING SEX! But the one I am going to talk about today is a different one. Eating food. 

Have you noticed that when you are eating you are simply not enjoying the whole thing? You simply want the initial hit. This desire of craving for the initial hit is an inner demon. This is the source of addictions. Have you ever gone to a Japanese center of spiritual practices (e.g., Zen temple, Johrei, or Sukyo Mahikari)? You just feel the complete emptiness there. It is so freaking liberating!! But at the same time, I know that summer is a state of mind.  

So...! Let us start to enjoy our Food more. It is a gift from the Divine Absolute. Seriously, it so good to just eat and enjoy the whole thing. Even the after-taste... So, it is like listening to Stairway to Heaven. Things have to build momentum so that True Pleasure washes through your Body. 

Thank you all for reading! I really don't feel worthy of so much "likes" in that cold shower topic. Maybe I have exaggerated things there... Hahaha. But it was with a good intention. What am I talking about? Dude, check this out: cold showers do open up the meridians of your body. Therefore, it becomes easier to kick-ass in that specific day. 

Finally, I want to say that I am so fucking grateful that the Divine Force is realigning my body. I do feel Ocean of Tears stored in my lungs. And it is very liberating to be able to cry from the inside. This broken Inner Child will always be in me, and that is not at all a bad thing! The thing I got to remind myself everyday is that it is all a matter of releasing the energy block. Thank God I am not a child anymore. I am much more than that! 

I have just turned 21 on September 9th. I know it is just a number, but I have felt a big existential relief. I feel like I have gone through a rite of passage. For those of who do not read this journal frequently, I have been doing lots of Ayahuasca trips in Shamanic groups. I feel like a fucking Indigenous there. And it is not easy at all! Their method of enlightenment, if you will, is to shut up the mind completely through Earth elements. In other words, it is not a woo-woo type of Awakening. It is a rude, thunder-like Awakening. Haha. Can you handle to go through something like this? Are you able to give up your nasty spoiled habits? Are you able to be more caring to others? Are you able to stay through the end in conversations? Are you able to read a full text and not scroll down through it? 

Are you able to look in the eyes of the people you interact with? Are you able to Be Present no matter what is arising in your field? Are you able to Open Up Your Lungs? 

I will leave you guys with the type of songs we hear during an Ayahuasca ceremony in Brazil. This one specifically feel like the woman is purging a demon out of my head. Listen to it very closely, but in a relaxed manner, okay? And imagine how it would feel like if all your chakras were opened and if you were in the Amazon. See yourself as a 5-year-old. Remember to breathe from the base of your spine. 

Here is the Healing Chat: 

Enjoy!!! 

 

 

 

Edited September 22, 2017 by Gabriel Antonio