Fear

[at_anchor]

I don't know how to deal with it. I'm scared of people. You never know if they are gonna poison you or rob you and get away with it. I'm scared of people, end of story. There is no other animal I'm more afraid of in this world than the talking ape.

[Schizophonia]

How do you react to benzodiazepines? Have you ever had a hormone test?

Sounds like low GABA.

Edited October 11, 2023 by Schizophonia

[at_anchor]

1 hour ago, Schizophonia said:

1. How do you react to benzodiazepines? 2. Have you ever had a hormone test?

3. Sounds like low GABA.

1. I react badly to them.

2. No.

3. Maybe I can try that. I did a bit of yoga and calmed down, all day alone and sedantary. I'm still not brave enough to pick the country I want because I'm kind of in poverty and insecurity.

[Schizophonia]

1 hour ago, at_anchor said:

1. I react badly to them.

What happened? Which benzo?

Xanax cuts my mental hubbub and my anxiety, if I go up to 1mg I almost turn into a psychopath lol.

1 hour ago, at_anchor said:

2. No.

You can, a poor endocrine profile can potentially cause anxiety or other problems.

 

[at_anchor]

28 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

You can, a poor endocrine profile can potentially cause anxiety or other problems

What if they tell me that I don't have a problem with this even though I actually do?

[Schizophonia]

10 minutes ago, at_anchor said:

What if they tell me that I don't have a problem with this even though I actually do?

You don't necessarily need the advice of a doctor, I don't know how it works in other countries, but where I am I can just go to a medical analysis laboratory one morning on an empty stomach. and get a blood test for the hormones I want.

[at_anchor]

29 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

You don't necessarily need the advice of a doctor, I don't know how it works in other countries, but where I am I can just go to a medical analysis laboratory one morning on an empty stomach. and get a blood test for the hormones I want.

I could do this too and maybe get accurate results but it's crazily expensive. There are many hormones to check for, we're talking about thousands here. Jezz

[Schizophonia]

1 hour ago, at_anchor said:

I could do this too and maybe get accurate results but it's crazily expensive. There are many hormones to check for, we're talking about thousands here. Jezz

Again I don't know what it's like where you are, and it depends on the laboratories.
But for a blood test of some hormones I have never exceeded 25 euros.

In your case, I would just test testosterone and LH, just to evacuate (or confirm the endocrine hypothesis).
Even if in hindsight, it seems mainly psychological.

[Reignforest]

Avoidance of others is a trap. Even supposed tough guy lone wolf's are afraid of people.  But humans are social creatures.  Living entirely alone almost never happens, and when successful proves unsatisfying for most. Unfortunately our perceived value in an economy has very little to do with our own perceived value.  On the contrary our perceived value in an economy is mostly determined by how much value you can create for others. So unless you're not interested in money or relationships as a measure of success, people become unavoidable.  Personally I've overcome fear of people by being competent and dangerous,  while practicing restraint and kindness. 

[at_anchor]

4 hours ago, Reignforest said:

Avoidance of others is a trap.

I know. But I'm not welcome and accepted. Every person sooner or later turns against me because of others. Aside from that, I am dependent on people that don't explicitally attack me, but they make me suffer and unable to sleep. One day I can wake up a bit rested, another totally unrested. People don't like being around you if you're not well and if it's not apparently in their interest.

[at_anchor]

@Reignforest I'm basically uselessly hoping that one day I'll get to a cpuntry where I'll have a safe financial and health situation, a kind of equal standing with others and that I'll be able to get the relationship I want. You can't get money and relationships you want if people hate you and want to rob you and torture you. If they see that they are justified in attacking you. It's not a war with guns, it's harder.

[Reignforest]

3 hours ago, at_anchor said:

I know. But I'm not welcome and accepted. Every person sooner or later turns against me because of others. 

It is like this in America too. Idk of a country immune to this behavior. 

 

3 hours ago, at_anchor said:

Aside from that, I am dependent on people that don't explicitally attack me, but they make me suffer and unable to sleep. One day I can wake up a bit rested, another totally unrested. 

Same thing happens if your a parent. Only they are dependent on you.

 

3 hours ago, at_anchor said:

People don't like being around you if you're not well and if it's not apparently in their interest.

This is just a consequence of reality and human behavior. 

 

3 hours ago, at_anchor said:

I'm basically uselessly hoping that one day I'll get to a cpuntry where I'll have a safe financial and health situation, a kind of equal standing with others and that I'll be able to get the relationship I want. You can't get money and relationships you want if people hate you and want to rob you and torture you. If they see that they are justified in attacking you. It's not a war with guns, it's harder.

This is true anywhere. I grew up in a racist town,  with a racist school. Being the only brown kid there.  Any family that didn't abandon me exploited me for work or money. I've been robbed by strangers, family and friends.  I've been beat up, burnt, shot at, stabbed, throat nearly crushed by a bat, broken bones, attacked by animals, etc. Had multiple near death experiences from excessive cold,  heat, starvation and poison. I've watched many loved ones die, grandparents, cousins, younger sister, best friend/first love. Was homeless for years on separate occasions. Been cheated on by a fiance. Thought I finally escaped when I got married and moved away. Only to find that I built an exploitative relationship,  which I'm still trying to repair. Turns out hurt people attract hurt people. I'm saying this because none of this is an excuse to define yourself.  Understand where you're at in spiral dynamics and work hard to move up. 

[at_anchor]

@Reignforest Sorry to hear what you've been through but I'm glad you made it through all of that. Hopefully everything is good now. I'm not sure it will ever turn out good in my case.

16 minutes ago, Reignforest said:

Understand where you're at in spiral dynamics and work hard to move up. 

I don't know. I have or I had a lot of green in me. I had a lot of blue morality, I had orange and red. It's hard to pinpont precisely. Working hard to move up is kind of impossible. You can't tell me America has the same problem with people. Americans are a gazillion times better. Even Trump is better than what I'm dealing with. If I was born in America, life would have been fucking awesome. You can't convince me otherwise. 

But I know strange things happen there as well and people end up in weird fucked up situations over there. Which is why they say Americans are stupid, but I don't know how true that is. I'm not seeing the big picture. American citizenship alone is so fucking insanely valuable you have no clue. There is so much money and opportunities there, it is safer than here, it is America. Germany is even better than America, but yeah. I'm never gonna get a better citizenship.

[Hojo]

if you can stop the fear of death you can stop the fear of being poisoned

[Reignforest]

@at_anchor I mean by understand where you are in spiral dynamics based on your environment.  If you are green and your community is not,  it won't be sustainable.  If it is blue,  be blue. America is orange so most people are forced to be orange.

Also each experience has made me more resilient.  Pain is a valuable lesson. I'm doing very well comparatively. 

[at_anchor]

@Reignforest I mean, I wouldn't mind being orange or blue if I could. I'd like to think that I'm green in a sense, but I'm also pretty much without friendships and relationships so it ain't that green. But I could be very green, I don't know, I could be red as well lol

I am sorry for being so hard to talk to and to get the point across. 

I guess the best place for me would be in a stage green or yellow community, which is why I said Germany is better than America. It's probably greener. But I highly doubt it's easy to position myself somewhere in there. 

However, I do like fine cars. Oh boy. But if there were no people on Earth, I'm not sure I'd care what car I drive. But still, if there were no people on Earth I'd probably take a Ferrari, just a much older version, I like oldtimers. I like Volkswagen Golf 2 because it's so nice, maybe better than a Ferrari, ha? 

In terms of my environment, it is pretty stage RED/blue with orange as well. I can't fit anywhere in there except at the bottom where they placed me.

33 minutes ago, Reignforest said:

Also each experience has made me more resilient.  Pain is a valuable lesson. I'm doing very well comparatively.

Yeah, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger quote isn't true all the time.

I'm happy you're doing better. Just keep going like that. Cheers