Difficulty connecting with people in day to day life

[something_else]

I have good social skills in some scenarios, for example I find it very easy to go on a night out and meet new people. Or when I stayed in hostels in foreign countries, I could chat and make friends really easily. The rules of socialising in a bar/nightclub/hostel just come very naturally.

However when it comes to connecting with people at work, the jiu-jitsu gym I go to, or other day-to-day stuff like cashiers/servers at a coffee shop, I find it really hard to connect. I always feel out of place. It always feels like there is a sterile coldness between me and other people which I can't seem to cross.

I don't know if it's in my head. I often worry that no one likes me, or that I am being weird in these situations because I don't know the rules. I guess it's a form of social anxiety because these are day-to-day situations where people's opinions of me matter more. If I say something weird, I will see that person again and the consequences are more tangible. 

Does anyone else have experience with something like this, or does anyone have any advice?

[Schizophonia]

I'm a bit like that.
The problem is that you have to make an effort, because others have their own shyness.This can be disturbing if you are not very sociable/empathetic by nature.

Btw, the same goes for asking the question here, most people won't be able to help because they don't specialize in human relations, and are simply not in your shoes.

We are left to our own devices.

[NoSelfSelf]

Yes i know it, its because you dont have game (not being connected to yourself)..

Thats one of the reasons i started to learn it, so im myself no matter the situation im in...

[Yimpa]

4 hours ago, something_else said:

I guess it's a form of social anxiety because these are day-to-day situations where people's opinions of me matter more.

I am super sensitive since I was a child. Someone could be joking or even talking about someone else in an offensive way, yet I take it personally.

What I am learning to do is realize that people are projecting their own bias onto the world. It has nothing to do with you. It may feel that way, but learn to sit with the discomfort and allow them to have their own opinions without needing to change it or analyze what they said.

Humans say stupid shit 24/7. 24/6 if you’re a Catholic, apparently 

[itsadistraction]

Become loose and more casual during the day. Emulate poeple you admire and who do have good day game. Break the unspoken social etiquette of society and behave in a more outgoing way. 

[itsadistraction]

Smile more too

[Yimpa]

8 minutes ago, itsadistraction said:

Smile more too

A genuine one, ideally. 

I’d rather appear genuinely stupid than to act inauthentically happy.

[Salvijus]

People you feel comfortable with you will get along with, everything will flow naturally. People you feel uncomfortable with, things won't go smoothly. Nothing will flow. 

How comfortable you feel around different people depend on how wide your heart is and how impersonal you are. When you have no shape, you fit it everywhere.

Edited October 12, 2023 by Salvijus

[pablo_aka_god]

Also it's not mandatory to connect with every waitress and barista one bumps into. Some are opened and others aren't looking for it. 

[petar8p]

On 10. 10. 2023. at 11:40 AM, something_else said:

However when it comes to connecting with people at work, the jiu-jitsu gym I go to, or other day-to-day stuff like cashiers/servers at a coffee shop, I find it really hard to connect. I always feel out of place. It always feels like there is a sterile coldness between me and other people which I can't seem to cross.

What do you do differently with those people? Seems like you change your vibe a bit because of the formality..